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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Havent had a date in 43 years...
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that the divorce is final, I have joined the internet cyber-dating community. I'm still youngish for my age and have lots to give. I think I was an AWESOME wife to an undeserving jerk, and I want another chance.

But OOOoooooo - this is a scary place to be! Ive nearly worn out my "delete" button on the weirdos out there! If I see one more "HotBob" or "Hot FunGramps" or "FunHotMagicFingers" I'm gonna hurl. And what's with the selfies taken in the bathroom with the undies hanging on the shower? Or the grossly overweight dude who's looking for someone who looks good in a bikini? Or the 70 year old profiled as "48" or the nutcase who goes ballistic when you "break up" with him after two emails, or the stalker with no pic or information that views your profile 39 times? Ew. Ew. Ew!

On the other hand, there have been a FEW ( very few, I'm picky) who have some potential, and one right now that I'm swooning over but he lives in another province. *sigh*
And tomorrow I'm going on an all-day travelling date with someone I've never met. I know, it sounds ludicrous, and dangerous, but he is good friends with my cousin and is by all accounts a fine upstanding citizen. Still - taking the bear spray lol.

Gosh - I can't believe I'm here. It's mortifying. THANKS XWH.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe after a few great dates you will be thanking ex for this opportunity to find new happiness and new love..... I truly hope you do.


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
9.10.11
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't worry, Trebleclef. Your going to meet people that you think "geez, I wish I would have done better in my marriage." Then you will meet people and think, "wth was I thinking put'n up with the X's crap for soooooo long!" There are alot of good people out there, but sometimes it feel's like finding a needle in a haystack. Then you'll be have a problem with a handfull of needles and it will be hard to choose.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you have a great time! Don't forget to report back.

Posts: 35393 | Registered: Mar 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you have a good time tomorrow, treble. Just remember - you're getting to know someone new. That's all a first date is.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love the bear spray!!

Good luck. Focus on the activity and not the expectations. "Shoulds" and "coulds" need to be eliminated from your thinking about the date.

I haven't been on a date with anyone but my WW in almost 20 years and won't be ready for some time (dday was 5 weeks ago) but the prospect is nerve wracking.

Good luck.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 707 | Registered: Aug 2013
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok - for those of you interested in the soap opera of my date life:

First of all - the good stuff:
Longest first date ever - over thirteen hours. We decided to drive down to a music festival for the day as he is really into music as well and it was a fabulous day out. I thought he looked vaguely familiar - when we actually started talking, we realized we knew each other from junior high and high school. Apparently he had a crush on me in HS, and was crazy in love with my best friend in Jr. high. So we know a ton of the same people, and places, as we grew up in neighboring neighborhoods, as well as having lived our lives in the same town. We have a lot in common - enjoyed singing together as we drove, and catching up on a lifetime of news. The music festival was awesome as I knew it would be. All in all a very comfortable and enjoyable day.

the red flag stuff:
1) A little too full of himself - let me correct that - a one-man fan club. VERY focused on letting me know of all his accomplishments and accumulations and business deals and pending millions and important people he knows and all the good he does in the world and grand lifestyle and top-of-the line homes ( I made sure to throw in at that point that I'm quite happy in my 700sq ft cottage with no dishwasher lol. ) I got treated to hours of cds he had made of himself singing karaoke. Oh - and of all the songs he wrote and paid someone big bucks to produce.

2) Turned out he is divorced because he cheated on his wife. HUGE issue for me given my circumstances, and most particularly because I detected some very disturbingly familiar skewy attitudes in this. Does. Not. Get. It.

3) Not even a teensy shred of chemistry that I could detect on either part. Zippo. Nada. Had a brief friendsy pat-on-the-back at the end and done. Meh.

So after this blow-by-blow you are probably now sorry you asked. Oh well, still a good day


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Treble - he doesn't sound 2nd date worthy(the cheating with no remorse would be a relationship halt for me). Is he friend worthy?

I am not dating, nor have I done OLD, I think with that much history in common- maybe you found a friend to attend far away music festivals with?

Hugs
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5161 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops - sorry, double post

[This message edited by trebleclef at 5:12 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

K - I think you are right. Facebook friends and a concert pal. Oh - and I have a CD of his self-written,self-sung, self-produced music to boot lol.

On the other hand - interesting developments on the "Mr. Swoon In The Next Province" front, with possible eminent meeting on the horizon


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. He sure was throwing a bunch of NPD red flags on that date!

Best of luck with Mr. Swoon!


Posts: 11688 | Registered: Mar 2008
JustDone
♀ Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you're home, safe & sound.

At least you didn't have to use your can of whoop ass.


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Feb 2006
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JustDone - BWAHAHAHHHHAHAA!


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Topic Posts: 13

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