3 years ago I found out (again) that the A was still going and never ended. If ow wasn't as good at the underground crap it probably would have never ended. I kicked him out right before we were leaving for our godson's birthday. Me and my kids went alone. It was the saddest birthday party I've ever gone to...or I thought. The following day was my nieces birthday at Chuck e Cheese. It was horrible!!! I was miserable, felt lower then I ever did when I was going through my ppd, I wanted to physically hurt myself (and I almost did). And what was he doing??? He ran straight to ow, they planned to leave their BS's and be together. He stayed at a hotel and of course she showed up there. I learned about this meeting through their secret twitter account. He told me he was leaving and I made the biggest mistake of my life...I begged him to change his mind, I was not losing to her!!! I regret that every day now. I feel so much less of a wife for having to beg my husband, that doesn't/didn't love me, to stay with me.
Now 3 years later I am sitting at my godsons birthday party feeling no support from him on this very rough day. I feel further away from him today then I have in a long time!!! And tomorrow is my nieces party...at the zoo which is a trigger all on it's own.
I thought he finely "got it" a couple months ago, but he doesn't obviously!!!
[This message edited by scangel3 at 6:07 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]
I call it a plea because it is, not to me, or maybe it is, but to him...See me, hear me, understand me.
I reconciled. Some days that was a great decision, but I will not lie to you, some days I think I was a fool. In my life, he loves me. Truly and completely, loves me, even if it is a damn fool and so am I.
Can you say that? Does he get all of the asset and you get all the debit in the relationship? I reconciled, but I was willing to leave and only until he knew I WAS going to leave did he step up to the damn plate and be the man he could be and should have been all along.
Three years, it took 5 years for me in all ways. But only because he stepped up to the plate. I think you have to be fully willing to say goodbye before a WS truly understands that what they did hurt as deep as it did.
I can't solve your life for you, but I can tell you that I have been there and I am sending you as much love and support via cyperspace as I can. Be a strong supporter for yourself.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot