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User Topic: Today's revelation
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woke up today after another fight last night with a new feeling. Will it last? Who the eff knows, I go through feelings faster than toilet paper. Anyway, here goes:

I give up control. I can't make him feel how I felt about our marriage before the A, I can't make him understand the intense pain of the A, I can't make him understand the utter devastation and complete saddness. I can't make him respond the way I want him to, I can't make him act and feel the way I want him to. I can't make him prioritize this marriage. I can't make him love me the way I want him to. I give up control.

The pain in my chest is back with a vengeance, I have to assume that is the anxiety of letting go.

Let the chips fall where they may.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 10:50 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there. Just remember even though it seems like it, you are not alone. We are here for you whenever. Has your WS read any books? One my husband has found really helpful is How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. I had told him and he could see the pain I am in but this drew a clearer picture for him. Don't know why but it sure has made a difference. Mind you, I am lucky because I do believe he is extremely remorseful and very sorry - not that it helps a lot of the time, but sometimes............
Anyway, like I said, hang in there - we're here.

Posts: 1007 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get where you are coming from. I have yet to follow through on letting go..
I try and then I can't stand the distance/lack of communication. I always break the ice.
It sucks, wish it wasn't taking me so long to become strong again.
HUGS TO YOU ((((OldCow18))))


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Though people don't recognize it for me, I have let go of Nearly ExH. It's been borderline torture but remembering the hurt he caused and still is capable of causing helps.

When the chest pain comes for me, I try to push breath oout through my lower belly and eventually it helps -it sounds anxiety related and maybe could you be taking really short breaths but not realizing it sometimes?

There's an exercise in meditation where they say to push our belly out and count to four and then breath in and count to four and so on. Different places have different numbers they go to, but it helps after a few times trying.

Letting go and a harder NC here have brought interesting results...it's largely him contacting me about this and that and a semi-kindness has come over him, or less rudeness. So I'm going to keep going.

I wish you well.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Devastated, he has read that book. Of course I gave it to him to read, he did, that was 2.5 months ago.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashland, my IC has given me great breathing/meditation exercises to do, and I went and did them earlier and they definitely helped. I *really* need to get into the habit of doing them daily, if not several times a day.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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