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User Topic: "Study: 1 In 7 Adults Are Not With Their True Love"
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw this as the headline on a Yahoo article here:

http://health.yahoo.net/articles/blood-pressure/research-shows-1-7-adults-are-not-their-true-love-3-ways-know-youre-one

... and immediately thought, "Jesus, somewhere out there is someone's WS reading this and taking it as 'proof' that they should be with their 'soul mate'.
Ugh.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.

Posts: 2039 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd say my WH and I have two out of three. Damn that commitment thing! Though you'd think that those first two would help keep you committed.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally see how you thought how that article would give people permission to pursue "others". Funny thing is I saw it a different way - maybe I wasn't really with the right person and there's a chance I can still find someone who truly loves and respects me.
I kicked my WS out of the house just Tuesday and he is already pursuing another woman and looking at call-girl services. It's been devastating that he has walked away without a backwards glance at what we had together. I have to find some comfort that I will find love again with the right person.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Considering 60% of the people polled think they know if they are with the people they're meant to be with within the first 10 weeks, it does not surprise me if people don't end up with the *love of their life*.

10 weeks? Jeepers, most people haven't started farting in front of one another in 10 weeks, no wonder it's lurve.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kierst!
What's this?
I am with my true love!

(me)


Posts: 6537 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I think I was looking at it as in some foggy WS still in an A would read the and think,"I knew it!" "I knew that AP was my soulmate, it's just this pesky family keeping us apart!!!" *teenage voice* "I hate my life!"


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.

Posts: 2039 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I must be jaded. I read the phrases "true love" and "love of life" and think... Well, never mind what I think. It's very jaded. Something along the lines of "true love is what happens when life doesn't get in the way". See? Jaded. There's probably a real world reason for why the "true love" *got away*. But being idealistic... That's normal too. Just helps to have a healthy dose of level-headedness when making those life-altering decisions. Infidelity sucks.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.

Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.


Posts: 3902 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the phrases "true love" and "love of life" and think... Well, never mind what I think. It's very jaded.
Right there with you. The main thing that annoyed me about the article is that the experience that the article described is infatuation, not "love." This...
If you feel an obsessive need to have your feelings reciprocated, then you are likely passionately attracted to that individual.
...is bullshit. All that feeling indicates is that you're alive and breathing, it's not a part of being "in love", whatever that phrase actually means. I mean, that sentence could've been rewritten as
If you feel an enormous sucking feeling inside of you that no amount of validation will ever fill, and someone attractive seems like they enjoy telling you things to indicate that they are awesome enough to make you feel like a whole person eventually, then you are likely passionately attracted to that individual.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 1:54 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.

Posts: 2039 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

true love is bullshit on the face of it. does anyone really believe that there is "one true love" for all of us?

how very disney.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Old and jaded---and thinking, "What utter tripe."

(It's exactly this kind of bullshit that fueled ALL of Trac-Fone's infidelities. I was "never the one," I am told.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 2:20 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8579 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was always somewhat cynical about true LURVE but now I'm positively jaded. Most songs and movies glorify the chemical infatuation people have not the true warts and all loyalty and affection *I* consider true love.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Stillstings
♀ Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Old and jaded---and thinking, "What utter tripe."

Young and jaded here I guess. My mother taught me never to believe in fairy tales. There was a reason why the Disney films ended with them riding off to his castle. Showing dirty dishes or changing pee soaked diapers would be a very hard angle to sell to consumers.

I also tend to take Yahoo articles with a grain of salt considering lots of their "articles" are fluff pieces.


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 358 | Registered: Aug 2012
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All that feeling indicates is that you're alive and breathing, it's not a part of being "in love", whatever that phrase actually means

That quote didn't say it was part of being in love. That's a completely different thing. I think that quote was dead on, if you have an obsessive need and compulsion to have feelings reciprocated you will be attracted to that person.

Why else, once a sense of sanity returns (or established if none existed before) do you look at the exact same person and say, "holy shit, what the fuck was I thinking?".

Let's be honest. We don't really know people we're feeling attracted to at first, most of the time. What we're experiencing, for the most part is how that person makes US feel. Not how good they are for us, what they're really like, sometimes even if we like them. I can't tell you how many of my friends obsessed about how the guy felt about them. When I asked them how they felt about him they'd be completely stymied. I can't believe that wouldn't be the very first item on their list. Do I even like this person. It ain't, though. For many. Pretty fucked up priority right there.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 3:15 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

does anyone really believe that there is "one true love" for all of us?

Disney, indeed. I mean, what are the odds of ever finding that "one" out of all the people in the world? It's just not possible. Nonsensical.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5058 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sigh... I was definitely not STBX's true love. I know this because she called our apartment not long after we got married, and STBX freaked out on me because I didn't write down her name & phone number when I answered the phone. I knew then that I was not The One.

I don't know if that one was the hooker or the drug dealer. I do know that those women are STBX's True Loves. That's why he cheated on me with the drug dealer. That's why he so easily started dating again IMMEDIATELY after we separated. I was nothing to him. He told me so while we were married. Told me to my face that my wedding ring didn't stand for anything. That was on Valentine's Day, BTW. Such a romantic, that guy...

I don't know that I believe there is a True Love for me out there. Maybe I already let him go. Maybe I'm not one of those destined to have a True Love. Maybe I'm so badly wounded and traumatized that I'm not even capable of finding out now.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9536 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
surviving1963
♀ Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH says OW and I both feel like his soul mates. Am I suppose to share? He says he loves me and doesn't want a divorce, but cannot give up his "other soul mate". Sick and twisted!

Me: 49
WH: 49
Married 32 yrs
D-Day 3-4-12, 5-30-12 & 8-19-12
7 kids, 7 grandkids
Filed for divorce


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont believe in fairy tales or that one true love. I dont believe in soul mates. I believe in fidelity. Integrity.

I believe some people have it and some dont.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1058 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add that in fairy tales the witch never wins. Lol


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1058 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 18

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