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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Losing hope. I think I'm depressed.
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe it's time for Sperm Donor to pay more than $58.00 a week.

He pays $65 a MONTH, not week and he told social services he is unemployed and makes money under the table to avoid an increase while his mommy ponies up the rest....

I think on the thrifty side of things I do pretty well. I get my daughter (and my clothes) pretty much ALL 2nd hand and most of her toys too. She doesn't know the difference and I save a lot of money. Although I rarely buy myself any clothes at all. Most of my clothes are probably 8 to 10 years old.... I'm the last on my list when it comes to extra things like that.... (which is probably why my self-esteem is plumetting a bit....) I feel so frumpy and NOT-put-together when I go to work everyday.... I would kill for a makeover.....I feel like I've aged exponentially in the last 2 years after having my daughter.... its insane!

The depression thing is probably true. My IC is just a regular therapist and she doesn't prescribe medication (and doesn't believe in it either....she thinks that you can overcome anything without it..... one of those naturalist types) so I would need to go to my regular doctor for any meds. I've dealt with depression before during my divorce and when I was 100 pounds heavier as a teenager....so its definitely not a new thing for me.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 5:52 AM, September 1st (Sunday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
MelisssaZZZ
♀ Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((She11B))

I am so sorry to hear about everything and have read your postings about trying to save money for a while. I feel your struggle.

and can relate to it to a point (i guess my situation is better as i dont struggle for basics, but still was very depressed with some of the livestyle loss).

Not sure if it would work for you, but this is what worked for me..

I was like you - looking where to cut, what to cut etc. Inflation grown, my salary remained, bills got higher and mainting the lifestyle i wanted more and more difficult.

So, at some point i just changed my thinking about it and stopped focusing on cutting costs (as i was at the level where i felt i cannot cut anymore). and focused on making more money.

so, i got into some of the business ventures. which with a 4yr old, full time job etc is not the easiest thing to do (granted i have live in help). now these things are starting to come to fruiting (not there yet, but give me 4- 6 months and it will bring considerable profit)..

so maybe this would work for you as well - maybe you can do some freelance work on a side (not sure what are your qualififications). or vene teach english some foreign students etc.

its not easy, but when i started - it was hard work (still is), but depression was lifted as i could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

lets face it - the older kids get the more money you will beed to support them. so sooner or later you will need to get more income..

just think of ways you could make money..


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 4yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know a lot of teachers around here tutor for extra money (I think you are a teacher...)

They do if from their home. You can see them out in the neighborhood drawing on sidewalks, or on the deck while their kids play nearby.

I used to watch yard sales and would buy high end kids clothes cheap, then either sell them on Ebay or take to a resell shop and double my money.

I would also contact a bankruptcy attorney and see what your options are, it can't hurt!

Don't give up.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....so I've been thinking about the bankruptcy thing for a while and here are my main concerns:

1. I'm a senior accountant (not a teacher) and I don't know what the aftermath would be if I filed bankruptcy. Would I lose my job? Do I need to even tell my job? I guess I feel like it looks pretty bad on me to file which is why I've been trying so very hard not to. That's why I went through a debt consolidation company to try to pay off my credit cards but I still have about 3-4 years to go.....

2. Would my XWH find out since his name is on a couple of my student loans? WHO would find out? My pride comes in the way and I don't know how I would be able to handle telling people about having to do that (i.e. applying for jobs (would I not get hired as an accountant with that on my record?) dating someone new.... how do you eventually tell someone that? etc....

I don't know how to make extra money doing what I do except maybe during tax season (even though I'm not a tax accountant....)

UGH....I just don't know what to do.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:02 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you tutor college students taking accounting classes? Can you teach an online course?

WHO should know are questions to ask a bankruptcy attorney. Court proceedings are a matter of public record.

I have an accounting single mom friend who had to file bankruptcy after divorce. Her ex ruined their credit. Her Dad had to sign the loan for her house, but she has a good job working from home. She is applying for new jobs right now, so as far as I know, it hasn't affected her ability to find employment.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look online today for a bankruptcy atty with a free consult. Make the appointment, and ask him all those questions. My friend is the CFO of a credit union and had to file after her divorce.

I was so relieved after I went to my appointment. I decided not to file, as a couple of things changed, but they gave me great advice on a lot of things, and I knew what my options were. POWERFUL feeling!

I was also helped greatly by Debtors Anonymous. It's a program to put first things first -- which is living! They help you when you plan a spending plan which incidentally puts YOU first. House, food, clothing, utilities, THEN other debt is divided up. It teaches you how to live, really live, and the weekly meetings help your mental state and keep the ball rolling. It's free.

The book "How to get out of Debt, stay out of debt and live prosperously" goes along with the program. (library might have) Since you have a good income, I think you'll relate to the book very well and get alot out of it.

Page 66 says "It's not armageddon. You owe some people some money, that's all. No missles are going to be launched, you aren't going to be shot at dawn, Blood isn't running in the streets, you arent' going to be drug thru the streets and pelted with garbage. You owe some people some money, that's all". Even if you don't follow his plan, I really think the common sense, uplifting nature of the book will get your thinking on a new path... and actions always follow our thoughts.

Please don't think I am saying you purposely got into debt and need this....When I read your first line..

All I do is worry. Constantly.

I immediately thought about the book I recommended because the living properously isn't just about finances, it's having a life with you and your daughter. If you read the book now,,,,you will not be where I am at 53!


[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:23 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1970 | Registered: Jan 2012
MelisssaZZZ
♀ Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

accounting is wonderful profession. you can always try to apprach start ups / smaller businesses / sole traders etc - in case they needs part time accountant who works flexible (home?) hours.

post on local notice boards advertising of services for example..


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 4yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find the irony of filing bankruptcy is that you have to pay to do so.... usually between $600 and $1500! I can't afford to make minimum payments on some of my medical bills much less afford to do that!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking about selling some jewelry that I would really rather not sell. I have a diamond bracelet my XWH gave me that I still love and a ruby diamond flip ring I got on my honeymoon. I've already sold so much that I love....and I've been trying so hard not to sell these but I don't know what to do. Have any of you ever had to do anything like that?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
monarchwings
♀ Member
Member # 39891
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry to hear of your money worries. I am a worrier too. I was a sahm for 10 years, during that time I finished my degree in comunications.When I went back I had to take what I could get..Now I need a better paying job and to move out.of my current field before I get labeled.

I think you should try and look for a small company that needs an accountant/bookkeeper. Something you could do at nights and on the weekends.

Meantime try and supplement your income through babysitting. Seriously a couple of Nights on the weekends will pay for the speeding tickets.

Hang in there..you will survive this.


Posts: 92 | Registered: Jul 2013
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sold all of it but one necklace. Some of it, the gold was more valuable than the stones. So, popped the stones out and kept a few of them, sold the gold.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait! Don't sell anything yet. When I made the appt at the bankruptcy atty, he told me to quit paying anything, send any collection calls to him and use that money for the fees. He was going to include the medical bills. I asked if I could go back to those hospitals if I filed bankruptcy and he said yes.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1970 | Registered: Jan 2012
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The depression thing is probably true. My IC is just a regular therapist and she doesn't prescribe medication (and doesn't believe in it either....she thinks that you can overcome anything without it.....

Shelly IMHO I would be finding a new therapist, because she should know the depression is an actual illness it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, it's not something you are just going to get over. Would she be telling a diabetic don't worry about taking insulin you can get over it!

Please go and see your doctor about this.

I am sorry you find yourself in such a desperate situation. I really hope you can get some advice about bankruptcy and find some help or something that will help ease the burden for you right now.

((Shelly)) I know it's hard, I promise it won't always be this way though.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've already sold so much that I love....and I've been trying so hard not to sell these but I don't know what to do. Have any of you ever had to do anything like that?
Yes. I've sold jewelry and I sold my beautiful Broyhill bedroom set that I got when I was 19 years old. I'd had it 30 years and it was in just as beautiful a shape as when I first bought it. But you know what? Ultimately, it's all just stuff. I can get more stuff eventually if I really want it.

What I really want is to not have to worry every month about whether I am going to afford rent or not.

And I agree with Bluebird about a new therapist. Some times we can exercise and eat better and alleviate our depression that way, but sometimes the chemical imbalance is too high and meds are necessary. If you have tried the other things and they are not working, you probably need the meds. (I'm thinking about them myself for the first time in my life).


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15108 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, another reason why I like my therapist is that I think talking with her really helps. I went through A LOT of therapists before I got to one I felt comfortable with. PLUS....she doesn't charge me a co-pay even though she is supposed to and gives me a break on the out of pocket expense (otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford IC at all! so I am very grateful for that)

Question... I have been doing a lot of research and even though the main consensus is that you can't discharge student loan debt...there is a caveat that says that if you can prove undue hardship that it is possible to discharge it or reduce it! Have you ever heard of this? I thought about bringing this up to a lawyer if I go to see one about it. But, I wonder what would happen if I tried.... and my XWH is a co-signor on a couple of the loans? Could he sue me?

Well..I just realized I probably can't prove undue hardship unless I was unemployed. You pretty much have to be living under a bridge for you to get student loan debt discharged...

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:54 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly, there's little to nothing you can do about your student loan debt. However, once you file, they cannot take any payments from you until your bankruptcy is discharged (as I recently found out). Let me tell you, filing for BK was the best thing I could have possibly done.

I have (and kept) my car, and some other assets. They do not make you get rid of anything. I had to sell some of my stocks in order to "qualify" for bankruptcy, but I did so gladly figuring I could reinvest once I was in a better position in a few years.

When XH left I sold everything - jewelry, our timeshare, whatever I could to make ends meet. There comes a point where you just can't sell anymore, and when it comes down to it you need a certain quality of life for your child too.

BK is a public record, so technically anyone can find out. It's reported on your credit report. Will it affect your opportunity to get a job? Probably not. I can't remember if that question has come up on a job application.

Who should you tell? It's no one's business unless you want it to be. As for potential suitors, I wouldn't bother telling them unless you think it's going to get serious. At this point I think it's the least of your concerns.

My BK cost me $1,600 and I worked out a payment plan. They tell you to stop making any and all payments to your creditors. If you do that, you'll have the money for the lawyer in no time.

I'm willing to bet that you qualify. I make a pretty decent salary on paper but with all of my expenses I was literally underwater at the end of every month. It can't hurt to have a consultation.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
amitheow
♀ Member
Member # 4691
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think your job can find out unless they run a credit report on you.

To get a future job it may effect that ... my job ran a credit report on me before they would hire me. A lot of places do.

I had bad credit when I came here, so I typed out a formal letter stating what had happened, what I did about it and how long it would take me to get out of it.

I gave it to the people who interviewed me and HR. I got hired! Be honest ... always be honest! UPFRONT. It makes you look like a rockstar.


Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.


Posts: 5082 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Shelly)
I think many of us are in the same boat.
decent jobs yet still struggling $, esp if ex isn't pay their fair share.
I sold anything of value after D on ebay and craiglist (furniture, clothes, baby gear etc)
I also grabbed any part time job I could find in my field to pay the bills.
Also dropping expenses really helped (premium cell phone, gym, hoas)

(((hugssss)))


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 38
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