My H had a PA with a coworker. It totally came out of no where, especially since the company has a STRICT rule of no relations w employees. He is actually her supervisor.
DDay was a few weeks ago when our young son informed me he saw him kissing OW. Long, long story short---I'm 8 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and he left when I asked him about this. He claimed our son was lying, but sorry, young children don't lie about such things. He left and went to a hotel. I called the entire day crying, begging him to come back. The next day I was sent pictures of him kissing the OW in public. The next day he went to a Dr appointment with me, I was put in the hospital for monitoring for preeclampsia (I had high blood pressure). I asked him about what our son said and that I knew he was w the OW, he blew up at me in the hospital, berating me-he had me crying so hard I was throwing up on the way home. He swore he would be home the next day when he took me home.
The next day I was sent pictures of him and the OW at lunch, then them going to the hotel. He picked up our son from school and came home that day, saying he told the OW it was over and he was back with his family. I was so stupid to believe this, I just wanted it all to go away.
In two days, I caught him in a hotel trying to screw her again, but I headed it off. He came home and admitted that she had been in the hotel room with him several times; the day he got there with her 7 month old BABY, they went to dinner the next night, he had sex with her the next day and he came home, then was meeting her again when I caught him.
The next days were tense, he had his phone connected to him. I contacted the BH, who was thankful I informed him of the A, he already had suspicions. H became very angry I told the BH, she had the audacity to call him while he was home and tell him what I had done. I then caught him with her again going to a work event that he lied about. He came home and packed his stuff AGAIN and left me alone, with a high risk pregnancy. I contacted an attorney and had her served with a papers stating she needed to stay away from my H. He came home 4 days later stating he was committed to the family and marriage. I went in his phone and dug out all these text messages that have just made me sick. He was having conversations about
His company found out about the A, I think the BH contacted HR and informed them. WH almost lost his job but he lied about the A and so did she. I was told that she had several complaints on her and she had quite the reputation around the company----to which I still don't understand how she still has a job.
Anyways, he has lied to me since then about being around her. He has to be around her for work, but he isn't honest because "he doesn't want to upset me." I try to tell him when he lies, he simply puts me back to square one. I get anonymous phone calls from a female that tells me what he is doing, but when I ask him about the information, it's always only half truths. I'm not sure if it is someone in the office or one of the BS's friends.
I need to focus on the pregnancy, the doctor is amazed I'm even still pregnant, and I'm trying to save the marriage. I don't want my children to grow up without their father, but I remind myself that he has made his bed. I feel like I'm putting up with him working with her, why can't he just tell the truth? I'm hopeful he will understand that I need the truth when he is around the skank. We have started MC. I still have high anxiety, I worry every time he's around her. He said he is disgusted with his behavior, he doesn't even think about her until I bring her up. I would like to believe him, but I struggle.
I see you guys talking about the 180, where do I find this?
I hope you can follow my story, I apologize for speaking in generalities.
Duststorm, right now, the only important thing in your life is making sure that your baby is born healthy. Your WH isn't important, the HO-worker OW isn't important the baby that you're carrying is the only important thing. Do you have any family or close friends that can come help you? Detach from you WH and worry about your baby. He evidently could care less. Unfortunately, it seems to be all on you to make sure that this baby is delivered healthy and alive.
Please get back on the phone with your attorney and find out what your legal rights are if you divorce. And what you can expect for child support and spousal support. You are dealing not only with a unremorseful spouse, but one who seems determined to sacrifice you and the baby to his obsession. You need to know exactly what you can expect legally.
I'm so very sorry. I would also suggest letting your OB/GYN know about his adultery because you need to be tested for STD/HIV like yesterday. I hope and pray that your high-risk pregnancy is not because of some STD that your WH gave you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Everything Skan said! Especially the part about informing your OBGYN. Sadly, there are serious health risks to you and your baby because of your Hs selfish, cruel behavior and lies. Take care of you and your baby first.
Sending many hugs.
As for R, he has said he was sorry, he does give me details of the A. I simply do not feel he is sincerely sorry. I've seen no tears. He wants to put this situation away and just move on. He says "he's here and committed." He also takes responsibility.
He is a man of few words, but I want him falling all over himself sorry. Am I wrong for this? What am I missing?
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You did nothing wrong. And you are not wrong for thinking that your WH's rug sweeping, trickle truths, and empty apologies are not acceptable. Because they are not acceptable. This is not something you can just get over. If he is serious about R, he better come to terms with that fast. Read over the FAQs for BS and WS in the healing library. I found a lot of helpful info there. Stay strong and good luck.
To add to the support for your particular situation, we have a thread in our I Can Relate forum for Pregnant BW's and New Parents who are trying to navigate this painful time.
Pregnant/New Parents Support:
The activity on the thread ebbs and flows, but there may be some stories there that will help make you feel like you're not so alone.
My DD was 8 months old on DDay, and it really helped me to talk to parents of little ones at the time.
As for your WH, he is a million miles from remorse and work to fix this. Don't let his attitude and scapegoating confuse you into thinking you're doing anything wrong. You've come to the right place to get your ducks lined up and to protect you and your little ones.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
"As for R, he has said he was sorry, he does give me details of the A. I simply do not feel he is sincerely sorry. I've seen no tears. He wants to put this situation away and just move on."
If there were a mantra for waywards, this would be it. They just do not want to think about it and just walk on into the sunset. It is not going to happen.
Infidelity causes a huge amoung of damage and it will take years of hard work to rebuild any kind of trust which is essential to any relationship.
He needs to know right now, two to five years, and that isn't written in stone.
The length of time will mostly rest on him and what he does or does not do.
Just remember, there is no rush for you to do anything. It takes time to let your emotions settle.
He may be in the fog still, which means he is still in the affair, or that he has not emotionally disconnected from her. That is where a 180 comes in. It is usually the only thing to snap them out of the fog, and until then, they will not do the work needed.
There is a lot of info on this site, in the healing library, and there a lots of really good books to help you both.
But you need to try right now to concentrate on delivering a healthy baby.
Hugs and more hugs.
1. Do nothing for the next four months. Play dumb wife. Get that baby born and healthy. Get yourself recovered.
2. Go 007 on him in jan 2014.
3. Get proof and file D. Honestly. If you are preggers you are likely around 30 years old. Do you reallywant to live another FIFTY YEARS being disrespected?
4. Your husband sounds like the om that banged my friends wife for a year. Found out OMs wife recently came home fromwork early found him with ANOTHER neighborhood mom!
5. You say you dont want to break up your family but he already broke it. You know what is a worse life lesson than divorced parents? Seeing mom dissed and cheated on!
6. Everyone including you deserves to look into the eyes of their mate and see only love. You see guile and lies. You are not too old to find the man you deserve.
Like the others have said, as hard as it is, you need to try and focus on taking care of yourself and the baby. I had such a hard time keeping food down after D-Day and lost a lot of weight, but smoothies and protein shakes helped until I was able to start eating normally again.
I know how awful the STD test is while pregnant, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed and ashamed when I went even though I didn't do anything wrong!
I am so sorry you have found yourself here, but everyone is so wonderful and offer some really great advice. Hugs to you
I was pregnant and had two young sons at home when WXH had his A and walked out on us. This is one of the worst injustices, as it should be a time of joy and anticipation and he should be treating you as the queen you are. Well, he's not, so you are going to have to find people who will.
Sleep when you can, eat well, take care of YOU. Your babies need you and that can be your lifesaver right now.
I am so sorry. Just read your first post here.
This is so unfair to you and your family.
Your WH need to get his head out of his ass and do the hard work.
He needs to get into IC to do a deep dive to understand why and how he allowed him to cheat and treat his family like garbage. Until he does this then everything else is mute point.
Hang in there and please take care of you and your babies.
You can't fix your husband because you didn't break him. Only he can fix himself.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Hugs and prayers