Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Trusthimagain (44893)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: FB ghost/ Temptor vs. Tempted
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH's 2yr EA/PA started with Facebook chats with a long lost HS friend. They never dated in HS and weren't great friends but somehow sparks flew on the keyboard and before you know it he was flying across the country for sex week-ends...

This week I had a guy friend from HS "find" me on FB. We never dated, weren't best friends. He sent a lot of messages about how great I look now, how I am one of his favorite people, that he misses me. (????)

I showed these to WH, asked if he wanted me to defriend this guy. WH thinks I'm jumping the gun but it looks so much like how his affair started that I can't help but compare...but here are the differences:

The AP is an ugly loser. She is fat and feels sorry for herself with her stupid gopher job and said her husband ignored her. She used her HS kids to drive her home from bars when she was drunk and spent hours a day on the phone with my WH while she described what she was doing locked in her bathroom with a vibrator.

My friend from HS is impressive. He overcame some great obstacles (group home, poverty) to attend an impressive engineering school and to form his own company. His wife left him years ago with two kids to raise. Other women would probably consider him handsome ( I think he looks like my HS friend)

What's the difference? Certainly my temptor ( if that's what he is?) beats WH's loser AP by a mile. Mostly b/c he's not married (although he knows I am, so maybe the gap isn't so wide in that respect), but in every other aspect as well. The difference is in the tempted. WH was. I'm simply not. A young, clean shaven Steve McQueen could send me suggestive messages on FB and I'd think he was gross for soliciting a married woman.

Maybe that is an illustration of how it is more about the WS and less about the BS.


Posts: 619 | Registered: Sep 2012
dontknowwhyme
♂ Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well good on you for your firm stance about not being tempted. But more importantly it says a lot that you went straight to your WH for his input. That's how it is supposed to be. Sounds like you are certainly on the "RightTrack".


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 999 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had people contact me on FB that I only knew vaguely in HS-my class was very large. Our interactions have been casual, "liking" posts, responding to things in a funny or congratulatory way. I have strong boundaries and don't have anything to hide. I haven't mentioned it to SAFWH because the interactions are SO casual, he wouldn't care but he could see them anytime if he wanted to.

I think the personal nature of your friend's message is troubling to me. It's one thing to comment on how great someone looks after a number of years, but the comment about missing you is a bit much. I don't necessarily thing male/female friendships are off limits, but sometimes you should watch for poor boundaries in others...


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd respond: Thanks! I try to look good for my sexy husband.

See what response that gets you.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2176 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree Scardey Cat! Good advice Purple, although I'm thinking I should just defriend him, no need to engage at all.

Posts: 619 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.