As well as I have been doing emotionally I just don't know what to make of these feelings?
For me, digging down and figuring out why I put such an importance on fidelity was a start. To figure out what I got out of my line of thinking in this area, my reasons, how it came about, etc. Really analyzing and getting to the core of it. I mean many do not place such a value on fidelity do they, it is not like it is universal, right, there are swingers, there are those who sow their wild oats before settling down, and so on, so why was it so important to ME?
Heck, what would it matter if I had sex with someone else?
that is another good question to really delve into and get to the core answer of as well. For me, I have come to the conclusion that even though our M is broken, my side is not and I choose to keep it solid or not, for myself and myself alone. I also choose to never do to another what I would not want done to myself, just part of my core.
Certainly marriage is so much more that a commitment of fidelity
True, but fidelity really is the crux IMO. There are other areas of fidelity, it is not just this one area, and as far as sexual fidelity goes, there are many levels there as well, we each have to weigh it out and see where we stand and what we can live with, what we can "accept".
How do other people cope with this permanent loss in your M
I am of the mind set (at this time, cannot guarantee it will not change ) that sometimes we have to loose things in order to get things, we cannot always have it all. Everything comes at a price, etc. I just have to choose to accept the price or not, is what I have now worth the cost?
Then of course grace and redemption get thrown in the mix as well, so it is not all cut and dried is it?