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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I want it to stop
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing that my divorce is almost final has put me into some sort of depression. I haven't worn my wedding ring in almost 7 months now and I put it on yesterday and cried. Maybe I'm going crazy!!! I just wish I had no love for him anymore and praying that day will come soon. I know that he is with the OW right now and I still miss him. How is that possible?


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, it doesn't just stop. I wish it did! But it's a process and it takes time. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you won't always feel like this and it will get easier as time goes on.

What you are feeling is completely normal. You have lost a 'part' of your life as you once knew it and it is ok to grieve that loss.

It's ok to miss him too, and that will also ease with time. It may be that you don't really miss him rather than you miss what you thought you had and who you 'thought' he was.

Take each day as it comes and try to take care of yourself. keep posting here and seeking support. There will come a day where you can see the light again.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think of him as dead. The person you thought he was is dead. You have to mourn that. Mourn your past, your future, your marriage. There is no way around feeling sad and missing him. Like you would if he is dead. The person he was IS DEAD. So sorry....I am with you. Currently still more ANGRY than sad, but I am sure SAD is coming my way soon....


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, you are so very early into this. I would be surprised if you didn't miss him.

It gets easier. The more you have to deal with them with their mask off the more any affection you have for them reduces.

I too think of the man I married as dead and I am grieving him as such.

Keep working on detaching, strict NC - reducing the contact reduces all of it.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have detached. We do not talk or email, but it still is hard for some reason. I think it is just the finality of it all. I have a great support system. I just miss the person I was married to but do understand that he isn't that same person.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's OK to be sad and to grieve. Give yourself time.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that we have to detach from our marriages and the idea of being married as much as from the actual person.

For me, it's been separate realizations and like the other posts say, it does help to think of him in a dead capacity...it helps me, FWIW to mention, and I've struggled like you with my rings or with memorabilia from happy times.

It is indeed a process that we must face and part of that is to allow ourselves to think that we are single. I'm out about the same time frame you are and still have the up and down emotions that are frustrating.

I don't miss who he is now, though, I miss the life I dreamed and worked for and it does help to separate those things.

One thing that helps the grief is to think of having so much less drama and to think how much of it he actually causes. Thinking of negative things that are now better is a step for the down periods. They are there.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry. I can relate as I am going through the same thing--and divorce has barely begun.

The more you have to deal with them with their mask off the more any affection you have for them reduces.

This has proven to be my bittersweet salvation of late. Seemingly whenever I begin to pine for "her," along she comes without the mask--pure vitriol--to help undue much of my "love" or whatever it is I am feeling.

It is almost like she knows when I miss what we had and she times her awfulness perfectly: "I sense he still wants me. Let me go and be horrible to him a bit more."

As painful as these episodes are (they leave me shaken), after awhile all I'm left with is resentment and renewed resolve.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is almost like she knows when I miss what we had and she times her awfulness perfectly: "I sense he still wants me. Let me go and be horrible to him a bit more."

No friend - she isn't trying anything, this is WHO THEY REALLY ARE. Save yourself some pain by not reading meaning into anything she does or doesn't do. I made that mistake for a while myself.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wish I had no love for him anymore and praying that day will come soon. I know that he is with the OW right now and I still miss him. How is that possible?

Take it easy on yourself. I've been NC w/my XH for 3 years. Have seen him 3 times over the last 3 years, D has been final close to 6 months, yet .... feel like I still love him. Tell myself I don't know him. Yet, that's how I feel. I'm pretty sure it's already been ascertained that we don't know our WWs. Our love and fidelity is a little harder to kill, I guess ....


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Topic Posts: 10

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