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The Book Club Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: one book or multiple?
DaturaMetel
♂ New Member
Member # 40463
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are just starting our R and I have read surviving an affair by Willard Harley and I was curious if any of you have used this book and if it worked for you. Also wondering if it is wise to stick with just one book for the framework of R or if using more than one is better or worse?


BS(me)34; WH 36
OM: my best friend
Together 8 years
Dday: 08/16/2013
In Recovery

Posts: 7 | Registered: Aug 2013
simpleD
♀ New Member
Member # 40321
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read multiple books. Getting different perspectives helped me find where I fit, what things aligned with my situations, personality & values.

I recommend:

Not just friends by Shirley Glass

Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.

How to help your spouse from your affair (a compact manual) by Linda MacDonald.

I'm new to SI (2 years post DDay) and got through them with the hekp on books and a lot of hard work. since being on SI, I also found many good articles in the Healing Library.

If you are of a religious background, I found the articles on Family Life website to be uplifting and encouraging.

Highly recommend the Family Life "Weekend to Remember" marriage retreat.

Best of luck to you,


BS(me)48; WH 49
High School Sweethearts
Together 32 years
Married 25 years
DD, 20 years
Dday 8/11
In Recovery

Posts: 22 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
DaturaMetel
♂ New Member
Member # 40463
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thx for the input simpleD. Once you had read the books did you guys stick to one throughout the R. I guess I was looking at it as the contract that we are to refer to during this process.


BS(me)34; WH 36
OM: my best friend
Together 8 years
Dday: 08/16/2013
In Recovery

Posts: 7 | Registered: Aug 2013
simpleD
♀ New Member
Member # 40321
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, we didn't stick to just one book as our guide or contract. We took the best of each book, what tips, pointers or issues we personally connected with and forge into to trying to recover. You probably won't agree with everything from one author. There is not just one perfect book. Take what you can from whatever information you have access to & disregard what is not relevant to you.

My fWH said when I was reading, Not Just Friends, I would seem more angry & confrontational about certain issues. I believe he was right because as I was reading through different chapters, it would bring up triggers for me and/or other questions about past events or feelings. Then I would need to talk with him about my concerns & try to process it. We also went to MC which was quite helpful.


BS(me)48; WH 49
High School Sweethearts
Together 32 years
Married 25 years
DD, 20 years
Dday 8/11
In Recovery

Posts: 22 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
DaturaMetel
♂ New Member
Member # 40463
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have been seeing a MC for some time now they are playing a good role in this as well. Thanks for the input. Better get to reading more. :)


BS(me)34; WH 36
OM: my best friend
Together 8 years
Dday: 08/16/2013
In Recovery

Posts: 7 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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