how he's getting to the point of no contact, he needs time, where will he be left if he does what I want and gives up contact with the OW, how is he suppose to take 10-15 years of feeling bad about himself and just change in a minute.
Please, please, please start the 180 on him. I promise by him stringing you along, he will never get off the fence.
Implement the 180...it's for you. Its to get you stronger and more confident...its one of the best tools, if used properly that will get you to a better place emotionally.
I'm sorry he's hurting you. You have the power inside to take control back over your life
"I'm happily indifferent to the ones who have consistently been wrong" ~kd lang~
Gently, give him all the time he needs. He married you, he shouldn't need time to detach from screw toy. Please read up on the 180 and start putting yourself first. Stop worrying about him and his needs. He is not worrying about yours.
Things were easier when you are kind and loving because he can have his cake and eat it too!
The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis. - Dante Alighieri
This is all about him. Please turn it around and make it about you. He's depressed? He feels bad? Forgive me, but who gives a shit about how he feels? He committed the ultimate betrayal and demolished your heart, but you should feel bad for him? It's better that you're being nice and loving because it's then easier for him to take full advantage of that.
180 him now. No more allowing him to call all the shots. Stick to your guns, keep your lawyer appointment and keep adding to your new bank account. His time has come to face reality.
I had a very hard time implementing the 180 and, in fact, never ending up needing it (thank goodness). But I can tell you one thing - if my WH had ever (to my knowledge) texted the OW in my presence, I wouldn't have hesitated to kick him out. Disrespectful is an understatement.
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
....hold on a gosh darned minute. You said $12,000 in a MONTH???? How long has this been going on and what is she spending it all on?? I don't even....
Please, this man isn't even sorry, let alone remorseful. Screw his depression, his feelings, and his 'fun time'. Is he trying the 'but I don't want to hurt her feelings' BS too? If you ask me, he is probably feeling a little relieved because he doesn't have to hide all of the txts now, he can do them right in front of your face at the dinner table!
I wouldn't be going out to dinner with this man. I wouldn't be talking to him at all. Don't fix his dinners if he is txting her, don't wash his clothes while he sends her money. Please, 180. Emotionally distance yourself from him at the very least until he can stop stabbing you and your children repeatedly.
I don't know if I am being too pushy or blunt, but if he continues this way, then there is no future to build on (or a very shitty one where you are living in a hell on earth). Do not let the distancing that you feel from him during the 180 stop you.
Think of something to help motivate you. Something that grinds your gears and helps you lace your bitch boots on tight. You said he is taking money from your kid's college funds and giving it to this.....thing? Imagine you having to tell your child that they don't have a college fund when they get older because of their father and this thing, if he continues.
He will not stop until you stop dealing with it. He saw you moving towards divorce and said anything he could to get you to stop (i'll go nc, i'll stop giving it money) but after he saw that his manipulation tactics and his sack of lies worked, he felt comfy and went right on back to what he was doing.
He acknowledges the changes you have made and appreciates them, yet he doesn't know if it will be enough? What about the changes he's made??? Ftg. Please, do not let this man stomp all over you, your kids, and your heart.
[This message edited by Tired05 at 5:27 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by StunnedBeyBelief at 6:04 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]
Everyone is providing excellent advice to you, sweetie. I'm so sorry you are dealing with an obviously selfish, unstable person.
Please see an attorney asap so you can begin securing your financial future. If you wait too long, there may be nothing left. Even if your WH "defogs" - this will ensure you are taken care of if he does not.