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Newest Member: TryingToReform (45458)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anxiety took over
Eyeofthetiger
♀ Member
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I woke up very early this morning. H has been gone for 9 weeks and I jfo about his EA 1 week ago. He took the kids last night to sleep at his parents.

I woke up with so much pain and anxiety. I cracked and called him. 2 days of 180 down the drain. I wish I could make him fight for me and our family. He says he isn't ok with all of this but that he just wasnt happy with us and doesn't feel the same way.

He even goes as far as saying I treated him like crap for a while. Umm ok taking care if your house and kids while you start a business is treating you like crap? Ok buddy. The fact that I have been left found out I was cheated on and then told I am still not good enough to fight for but yet I would still fight for our marriage because I know what we were and could be again is... That is called unconditional love.

How do I move on? I want him to realize he didnt give us a chance and start begging to come home....


S

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dam! Do I understand your pain ! Believe me I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. I said the same things to my stbxw. She didn't have to work for ten years I had a cleaning lady and a nanny she had unlimited credit card. ?? Sex was whenever and however she wanted. At least I thought it was. And she didn't fight at all. As your husband is doing. What I learned , the hard way is that you cannot control him at all and the more you break the worse it is and more empowered his crazy a-- gets. So reverse it ! Focus on you and the kids only! I know at this stage that there is nothing I or anyone can tell you but I do understand and I was and am there with you. I feel the anxiety now and it is five months from d day for me with no remorse. At all! Actually the opposite as if I did this to her?!!! I hit the gym hard and yoga and whatever got me into me. I cut off all ties to anyone who fell for her stories. Focused on my kids and me , that's it !! Well this worked for me. And reading " not just friends" Hope I helped and I wish you the best on your journey just remember you are not alone.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 693 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen. The 180 is a process. You are going to backslide occasionally, however comments like the ones that he made to you should help you to understand why you need to dust yourself off and start right back on it. Don't beat yourself up because you contacted him. After all, in a real marriage he WOULD have been the person that you went to, when you were hurt. Instead of being the person who wounded you.

And his re-labeling of the marriage as being horrible, you treating him crappy, etc, is all of the wayward process of trying to figure out how to re-write history to justify their horrible actions. It has nothing to do with you. It's all part of the fantasy in their minds. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4966 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
traicionada
♀ Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anxiety is a feeling trigger by events outside your control so the 180 helps you regain some the control. Are you in IC?


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3344 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
Topic Posts: 4

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