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User Topic: Need details
broken0912
♀ Member
Member # 39780
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone out there had their WS not remember or refuse to tell them the details of the A & have you been able to continue in the marriage?

WS has told me & call me gullible, but I believe him, that he just can't remember the details. (He is now 60 and I wonder if he is getting Alzheimers - both his parents had it, but didn't start until their 80s). He can't remember when it started, how it started, what was said before it started - says he only remembers 7 times of fucking the Bitch, who called herself my best friend, in (what I have tried to deduce through detective work) 3 yrs. So here's what he does remember: They started with "just" fooling around at our house on our couch (sometimes while i was in the same room) - then at "some point" graduated to intercourse. He knows they did it at 6 locations 4 of which were her place of business, and once at our house & once at her house (even though in this time period we lived in 2 houses, and she lived in 4) - That he called it off about 2 weeks before we found out that she (and supposedly her BS that she only had sex with 1 time in over a year) was pregnant. - That the kid is his, which now that I know is so obvious it is disgusting.

That's pretty much all I know. He has told me alot of other things, but then comes back especially in the last couple of months and tells me either he doesn't remember telling me that or that he has no idea or that its not true or that he was making it up to satisfy me because I wanted to know & he couldn't remember. I feel like I can't move on until I know the whole story. Its like there is an open file in front of me (in the front of my brain) and until I complete the necessary info, I can't file it away (in the back of my mind) and move on to something else. Anyone relate and can you share your experience? thanks!


BS 49
WS 61
OW 31 now - 23-24 when it began
dday-9/4/12
M 13+ together 16
HIS DC: D-33,S-25,S-22
MINE: 0 -he was too old to have C at 44, but had OC at 57
LTA: EA 1-2yr then 1.5 after pa end
LTA: PA 3.5-4 yrs

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jul 2013
Feelsmall
♂ New Member
Member # 40413
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((broken0912))))

It's important to you to get whatever you want to have in order the heal from the A, no matter if you decide to stay in this M or what.

Half truth is a whole lie, just learn it from other member's signature, can you build your life and trust base on lies?

Can You even tell where the truth ends and lies starts?

edit for typo

[This message edited by Feelsmall at 4:57 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]


Me BH 31
WW 29
DD 07.2013
DS 2
Working on R

Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: somewhere in hell
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:35 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ws never shared details and its one of the deciding factors in my decision to D. You can't go forward if you don't know what your dealing with...at least I can't. I mean how can you decide to R if you don't know what your R'ing over. For instance if my ws had told me how he pulled it off timewise or location, I needed something to know he wasn't still doing it...which he was


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4910 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Reyna13
♀ New Member
Member # 40178
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also asked for the whole truth. I wanted details. If you read my story you will see WH told me so many lies from the beginning.

What he told me I believed, with each new truth, I believed. These tales he was telling me were the only story I knew, but a liar can't remember every lie they have told so if asked the same question over and over they will either lie again or use the 'I can't rememberline.

My bet is your H remembers everything but like my H does not want to talk about it because he is not sure what he has said.

[This message edited by Reyna13 at 7:32 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]


Me-BS 45
Him-WS 45
Married 14 years
1st D-Day August 2009
TT for 4 year
More Affair info August 2013

The wound keeps getting broke open each time he tells me more "truths"


Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2013
broken0912
♀ Member
Member # 39780
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He swears that if he could remember he would tell me absolutely everything. He has told me things, I really didn't want to know, (little things with huge impact). He says he would do anything to help me through this and if he could remember he would tell me. He has told me to take the worst case senario and use it so that it will cover everything. I've told him this is not the TRUTH - and I want the TRUTH! He has offered a couple of times to contact the Bitch and ask her. , and then tells me "I don't want to have anything to do with her ever again. I can't stand her". The OW who is just now 31 and this A ended 4 yrs ago, has a mind & memory like no one i've met before. I am very tempted to make him talk to her or both of us talk to her, just to make her tell us the details. She is in love with my WH and i'm sure he can get it out of her, but she knows her only power over me is that she knows the whole story and I don't, so she has refused to tell me and got angry like i am the one who stole her bf (and she was married also). I have pounded at him for a solid year for info, and we still have the same fight - Says that's why he has made stuff up in the beginning to get me to stop asking stuff he could not remember. I don't think I can go on to a successful marriage without closing this "file".


BS 49
WS 61
OW 31 now - 23-24 when it began
dday-9/4/12
M 13+ together 16
HIS DC: D-33,S-25,S-22
MINE: 0 -he was too old to have C at 44, but had OC at 57
LTA: EA 1-2yr then 1.5 after pa end
LTA: PA 3.5-4 yrs

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jul 2013
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I call bullshit. He doesn't want to talk about it.

My wxh "couldn't remember" because he felt that he was protecting me from the details.

180 him until he remembers, but I hope that he doesn't just make something up to get you to shut up.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7537 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
LonelySilhouette
♀ Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was decided yesterday at the therapist's that my wh will do up a timeline.

He hasn't "seen" anyone since December 2012, and it started about 18 months before that from what I understand. I've known this guy for 35 years, and I know his memory for details is not that great. Not like me, I'm very detail-oriented. I do believe he tells me what he can remember when I ask, but now I want the rest of it, whatever he can think of. I have prepared a list of questions so that he understands the kind of details for which I am prepared, and some of those questions jog his memory somewhat. But I am fully aware that I will never get every detail because I really believe he doesn't remember every detail. Some people just don't. Especially if it wasn't that important to them, and I believe that some of it just wasn't as important to our ws's as it is to us.


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
broken0912
♀ Member
Member # 39780
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonely, Your fwh sounds like mine. And he has pretty much told me that this was not an important thing to him. He has compartmentalized it into a "recreational" activity that he was participating in. It was much less important to him than it was to OW or to me. Please stay posted. I have tried memory jogging and asking questions different ways, but I haven't given him a written list or asked him to write a timeline, which is a good idea.

I told him today that i have decided that I just have to accept that he is not willing to do "whatever it takes" or go "to any lengths" to save our marriage, and that I am here for now, but will be taking care of myself from here on out instead of worrying about his needs and wants.


BS 49
WS 61
OW 31 now - 23-24 when it began
dday-9/4/12
M 13+ together 16
HIS DC: D-33,S-25,S-22
MINE: 0 -he was too old to have C at 44, but had OC at 57
LTA: EA 1-2yr then 1.5 after pa end
LTA: PA 3.5-4 yrs

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jul 2013
broken0912
♀ Member
Member # 39780
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonely, Your fwh sounds like mine. And he has pretty much told me that this was not an important thing to him. He has compartmentalized it into a "recreational" activity that he was participating in. It was much less important to him than it was to OW or to me. Please stay posted. I have tried memory jogging and asking questions different ways, but I haven't given him a written list or asked him to write a timeline, which is a good idea.

I told him today that i have decided that I just have to accept that he is not willing to do "whatever it takes" or go "to any lengths" to save our marriage, and that I am here for now, but will be taking care of myself from here on out instead of worrying about his needs and wants.


BS 49
WS 61
OW 31 now - 23-24 when it began
dday-9/4/12
M 13+ together 16
HIS DC: D-33,S-25,S-22
MINE: 0 -he was too old to have C at 44, but had OC at 57
LTA: EA 1-2yr then 1.5 after pa end
LTA: PA 3.5-4 yrs

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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