The next big day coming up will be her birthday in December, then Xmas, then my birthday in February.
She has family around here that will help the boys for her gifts, but my family all lives far away. I have nobody.
I don't know if we should continue what we have already done, or if that's a little too much like being married.
My boys will want to give me gifts, but I don't know what to do.
This all just occurred to me, and is making me very sad. How have some of you done this?
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
Oh, and he doesn't help the kids get me gifts, either. Or encourage them to make me cards. Nothing. So FTG.
Traditions change somewhat after divorce but keeping a little bit familar for the kids is good for them too.
I had no one back when I was single Mom years ago but DD and I would go to a store and she picked out what she wanted me to have. At 40 yrs old now, she is a great gift giver and shopper.
The first holidays for us were Mother's Day and Father's Day also. By Christmas he was married to OW. I was not buying for him.
By the time Mother's Day had rolled around the next year. I had made up my mind that I would give each kid $X amount and let them shop for me. I sat in the target snack counter watching the door. They're met there when they had completed their purchases. They were so excited.
Your boys are old enough to shop with supervision.
During Christmas I teamed up with another parent and we switched kids for an afternoon of shopping. We met at the local mall She took mine, I took hers. Kids had the spending money on hand. It was so much fun trying to not be seen by your own parent which stores they were going into , etc . We topped it off with a meal. The other parent and I continued this even after I had someone in my life-kids told us "it's tradition". Who knew finding a solution to a dilemma would become a tradition with my kids.
Creating new traditions wasn't what I was hoping to do, it just happened to work out that way. Make some new traditions they can be fun.
I used to remind my kids about XWH's bday (actually he did that too classic npd) and then drive them someplace they could spend their own money. They saved a portion of their own gift money to buy their parents presents sweet things. Because I did this they asked their dad to do the same at my birthday and I guess he didn't want to look bad and did what they asked. It became a custom until th ank God they have jobs and cars now!
[This message edited by rainagain at 8:37 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]
Then the occasion gets honored-for her-and I can go on my way without it stuck in my head.
FWIW, he does the same with her for my occasions, so that she's getting to do the same thing with each parent.
One thing I'm trying to do is think of how much money I can save this time, because much of my budget went to Nearly Exh's stuff for occasions. That will be my happy thought and maybe I can do something with that money that will help us, or save it.
Like you, Pass, he has (lots) of family "locally", but I do not.
One thing might also be to just mention it to her, if you can figure out how? I'm thinking maybe an email or something as it gets closer, so that then you are on the same page?
When something is really bothering me or really hard for an issue here, I find 90 out of 100 times I end up finding a way just to mention it to Nearly Exh. He may find out anyway and then I can go on my way...it can help a lot out of something that might bother you too long.
(ETA: gift cards have gone a really, really long way this year, so much that DD will pick them on her own many times.).
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 4:14 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
At about the age of 10, my sister & I started planning and executing birthday dinners for our parents--we were 'lucky' enough to have both parents born on the same day! They started out very simple--hot dogs and birthday cake--but progressed to very elaborate meals that we executed from an encyclopedia of foreign food cookbooks that my mother had. One year it was a French feast; the next it would be Chinese. The final iteration was a lobster thermadore dinner that I had to make alone, as my sister had already left home. It nearly did me in
Back in the day our bank had what was called a Christmas Club. You deposited money every week, then got it back at around Thanksgiving so you could do your Christmas shopping. We used to wind up with $25 each to shop for family and friends; you had to be very creative to get gifts for 5-10 people but it was an adventure. You could do something similar for your kids; it seems a little better than just handing them $$ out of your pocket.
[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 6:06 AM, August 26th (Monday)]