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User Topic: Not interested in oral anymore...maybe tmii
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been since we started to have sex again after DDay. I just can't seem to let myself go enough to O.

I was thinking about this today and have come to this conclusion:
H did oral for OW. He did it to pleasure her. There's nothing in it for H to do it. It was all about OW and making her feel good.

I can get get lost in what we're doing when we have sex. I'm participating in the act.

Has anyone else as this problem and were you able to get past it?


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 9-09, but I didn't feelTRUE R started until 12-09 when the fog really lifted due to a medical condition with me.
Every day gets a little better.

Posts: 583 | Registered: Jun 2012
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep,

Everyday, multiple times a day WH and OW had conversations about WH performing oral on her.

He will never get the opportunity to perform it on me again. Frankly he was awful at it and I merely tolerated it before.

Now? Why should I have to?


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 810 | Registered: Jun 2012
Reyna13
♀ New Member
Member # 40178
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I have huge issues in this department and heck everything to do with sex. I think one of the reasons is OW told me things he did to her, things that I had asked him to do with me, things I enjoyed.

Then OWH tells me how their sex life has improved, how she has changed and is more open about things she likes...yep you guessed it the things WH and I did.

OW also told me that it was such a turn on that WH had a dark side to him.

Of course he denies it all. The other night we had sex (first time since all the new truths came out) and I actually had to close my eyes and I just laid there. I felt betrayed by my own body.

I hate that everything I loved is gone.

You are not alone!!!


Me-BS 45
Him-WS 45
Married 14 years
1st D-Day August 2009
TT for 4 year
More Affair info August 2013

The wound keeps getting broke open each time he tells me more "truths"


Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can understand why you would feel that way, Flatlined123. I am so sorry. (((Flat)))

That is one of the reasons I don't want to know the exact sexual acts that FWH and OW did. I know it would ruin so much for me. I just know they had "sex" and thats all I need to know.

I know that some here need to know all the details. I am glad that I don't, for whatever reasons. Thinking of it in hazy, vague terms of "sex" works for me. Also, I refuse to let OW ruin sex for me. I. Refuse. Fuck you, bitch!

I love oral and FWH is rather fantastic at it, too. I would hate to lose that.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8976 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to love it. Idk, I've only been with H so I don't know if there are better out there or not. I was always satisfied.

This wasn't something I asked. Early on H said OW said he was persistent at getting her to O orally
I.did.not.need.to.know.that! He was still in ass mode then.

I hate that this is something I can't overcome.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 9-09, but I didn't feelTRUE R started until 12-09 when the fog really lifted due to a medical condition with me.
Every day gets a little better.

Posts: 583 | Registered: Jun 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I second sister M. I too ha difficulty after dday. When we would have sex I would end up crying. Come on this was the only man I ha ever had sex with. So yah it sucked. But I tell ya what I had a great sex life before the A I enjoyed it and I was gonna be damned if that home wrecking whore was going to take it away.

So I focused totally on ME. I told him you don't want me to end up in tears you need to help me for a while. I need to be the fucking queen of the world with you bowing at my feet every time I get naked with you. Don't expect some deep emotional connection either this is about me. You want to focus on you that's fine do it when I'm not here. Sex is about me for the foreseeable future.

It freaking worked. I focused on the physical feelings. I got to have my release first and usually more than once before he even considered letting go. Now we had "sex" and it was usually really good sex for months. It was a long damn time before I felt vulnerable enough to "make love" again.
Now at 5 years out it is a nice balance of just good old f'ing and making love. We are Intimate a lot.

When the ow would pop in my mind I would agine her actually watching us and saying something snarky like see he's with me he chose me. And honey I can get him to do things you never dreamt of . I'd smile with pride and enjoy.

Not sure a therapist would say its healthy but it sure worked for me.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6601 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
broken0912
♀ Member
Member # 39780
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have tried one time to perform oral on BS, but it didn't work (for him - probably because he has to take pain meds for back & had recently had some) This made me feel sick inside (has never happened before). He claimed she never did this to him, but I don't believe him. His stories never match up. I also am not able to manually stimulate him, which I know she did probably much more than I even imagine. He has had the nerve to mention me doing this and I wanted to scream & hit him in the face, but just looked at him and said, "I CANNOT do that. It is not happening." I think what you are going through is normal.


BS 49
WS 61
OW 31 now - 23-24 when it began
dday-9/4/12
M 13+ together 16
HIS DC: D-33,S-25,S-22
MINE: 0 -he was too old to have C at 44, but had OC at 57
LTA: EA 1-2yr then 1.5 after pa end
LTA: PA 3.5-4 yrs

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jul 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/J
I would agine her actually watching us and saying something snarky like see he's with me he chose me. And honey I can get him to do things you never dreamt of
tushnurse, I do something very similar! I imagine OW in the corner watching us, and OW is all crying and sniveling whilst FWH and I are making the most fantastic, outrageous, wonderful, amazing mind movies for it. It worked for me, got rid of the mind movies. end T/J

Flatlined, that is awful that your H said that to you. As the saying here goes, you can't unknow/unhear/unsee something.

I can only say what worked for me, and it was my refusal to let the OW (the affair) ruin my sex life. As tush said, too,

Sex is about me for the foreseeable future.
and
I need to be the fucking queen of the world with you bowing at my feet every time I get naked with you
The way I felt was that FWH owed me a whole lot of orgasms. A. Lot. Of. Orgasms. So, it was all about me. Me, me, me! He had his me time, now it is my turn.

Do you feel you could maybe try this kind of attitude, Flat? Nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain. A. Whole. Lot.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8976 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here. OW couldn't get the O without WH's hours of oral. I don't even want to think about it. I put oral sex in the category of all the other things he's wrecked; Vegas, Cirque du Soliel, our anniversary, our rings.

Posts: 541 | Registered: Sep 2012
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've struggled through some of this. The oral part is hard but I've been through it all before...it has never meant anything to him and I always knew that. He is obsessed with oral sex with anyone who would spread for him. It has never been special so it wasn't much to get over. He's really good at it so I might as well indulge. The hard part for me is feeling embarrassed. I have been humiliated directly so many times. I can't act all awesome because there's nothing sexually awesome about me or if there is, I don't know it. I've not, for one second, been good enough for one single man to be honest, to show me love, to want to keep m in his life...nothing.
I can't be all 'I'm the shit and you can focus on me!' Because every other woman has been the shit and gotten to walk off with what was supposed to be for me. I think some of my issue is because all of the OW were actually people I knew and most were right in my face, prancing around in their smug excitement over having what was mine. In their smug private memories of which I had no part. :( I kind of think I'm out of luck in regards to ever reclaiming my once beautiful and perfectly working, uninhibited sexuality.
I'd never really thought through this so I guess thank you for bringing it up.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 228 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops double.post

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 3:30 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhh oral ( being said in the way Homer Simpson talked about donuts) I miss it..its one of his best qualities lol. Fucker!!! He had to ruin everything. As far as me performing it on him..never!!! Ow is the anal queen and that was something that I couldn't get past even when I wanted to be with him. Just not fair


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Guttedagain
♀ New Member
Member # 39126
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I needed to know and did ask all the details, but from the start i blocked the mind movies. I enjoy sex and I'm not going to let him or his sluts ruin that for me.


BS me 46
WS him 49
Married almost 25 yrs, together almost 30
2 DD 18 & 13
Dday #1 14/4/13
TT until Dday #2 28/4/13
Living one day at a time

Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H did say that OW was horrible at oral. Claims I'm much better at it. At 4 years out the thought of him doing that to her still makes me want to puke

I want this part of our sex life back! I just can't get past the mental images.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 9-09, but I didn't feelTRUE R started until 12-09 when the fog really lifted due to a medical condition with me.
Every day gets a little better.

Posts: 583 | Registered: Jun 2012
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, double post.

[This message edited by Flatlined123 at 6:36 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 9-09, but I didn't feelTRUE R started until 12-09 when the fog really lifted due to a medical condition with me.
Every day gets a little better.

Posts: 583 | Registered: Jun 2012
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tush....you said it for me. That is exactly where we are right now. It better be about me and I do not see it changing in the near future.

My issue is kissing his mouth. After being down on her, I cannot get over his mouth on my lips. I hope that changes but for now, kissing makes me cringe.

I also have a hard time enjoying either oral acts these days, mine or his. Somedays are easier than others . I do not want to even talk about where his unprotected dick went. I remember from anatomy class the body sheds a whole skin in 7 years. Only 4 1/2 years to go.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1197 | Registered: May 2012 | From: South
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for raising this topic. It is an issue for us. After Dday, my WH gave this as an excuse for the A. He claimed I wasn't responsive during oral and the AP was. Honestly, I always enjoyed it but it just felt like he was fiddling around down there in an obligatory manner. His porn fueled an obsession with oral. During the A he went down on me and I remember having the conscious thought "He's using me to practice his technique". (The AP claimed that she never came as many times with her boyfriend as she did with my 70 year old WH. What a manipulator.) So it's still an issue for me.

I made a decision when hysterical bonding occurred that I was going to be completely selfish about sex. His A was about being selfish so it was my turn. For years I begged him to stop the porn and come to bed and he ignored me completely. It was my chance to get what I had coming. Since HB ended our sex life is still fantastic. Without porn, he actually pays attention to my needs and it is very gratifying.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:41 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]


Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2011
Morhurt
♀ Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was kind of shy about oral before but during HB I let go and loved it (receiving)!! I know he did it on them and I hate that, but it feels awesome so whatever. He always told me he loved doing it to me but I thought he was lying.

As for going down on him... I'm still not comfortable. That was the main act he did with APs and I want no part of that. It's purely to gratify him and I'm not into that yet. At all.

I like the idea of making it all about me.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 839 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I imagine OW in the corner watching us, and OW is all crying and sniveling whilst FWH and I are making the most fantastic, outrageous, wonderful, amazing mind movies for it

I was so relieved to see that in am not the only person that had done this. It worked for me to imagine OW watching and her having the mind movies not me. Especially since she thought he was in a sexless marriage. She knows the truth now and I hope it haunts her.


ME - BS 49, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 14 and 11
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/12/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 420 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 19

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