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User Topic: Damn triggers
soconfusednow
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH & I were at a social gathering when a woman started talking about how her and a co-worker kid around calling each other Sweetie & Honey. I wanted to tell her she was messing around on slippery ground, but I couldn't.

I knew if I expressed my opinion I'd burst into tears. That's what my WH & the OW called each other.

The kicker this woman hangs out at a place the WH hangs out & OW has been to but supposedly never together.

I little bit later my husband asked if I was ready to leave. I said yes now. As we were leaving he said "Did someone say something to you?" (He wasn't around when she told me that.) I explained what happen and his response hurt almost as much as the trigger. "Well things like that are gonna happen and there is nothing you or I can do about it."

A simple hug "I'm sorry your hurting" "I want to be with you" "I'm committed to our marriage" or any reassuring words would have been nice. Instead I had to ask him for a hug. He's never been one to show physical or verbal affection much, but doesn't realize right now I need him to step it up.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry.

There are people I try to spend time with, too, who say those things and sometimes it feels like they don't know what we mean. My father is one who says it and has been abandoned by a spouse as I have, so it shocks me to hear.

Do you think sometimes, that people don't know what else to say or do?

One person actually gave me this advice: "Sometimes it is okay to simply pretend things are okay..." all I could do was stare back at here-no words would come.

Yes, I agree and find triggers still raw. They can come out of nowhere, can't they?

I'm sorry that this happened to you and hope that over time, you will find peace.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, double post.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:57 PM, August 24th (Saturday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
dargirl
♀ New Member
Member # 39909
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

everywhere I drive or walk now I see holiday inn, the restaurants he took girls, etcetc.. how do I get through this?

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jul 2013
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

everywhere I drive or walk now I see holiday inn, the restaurants he took girls, etcetc.. how do I get through this?

I am seriously considering moving to another city. There are so many places here that are triggers, that I feel like just staying home. Wait... It's not safe here, either.

[This message edited by brokendancer7 at 9:26 PM, August 24th (Saturday)]


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 191 | Registered: Jul 2013
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you on wanting to move out of the area. I was raised in this small town, the woman WS had an affair with I went to high school with. I graduated with her brother. Her daughter dances at the same studio with mine (although, thank God, they aren't in the same classes). Everything and everyone is a trigger for me. At least I know her WS is also having triggers that she is dealing with too, so I know I'm not the only one suffering. In a twisted way, that makes me feel a tad bit better.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 212 | Registered: Aug 2013
1ost0ne
♂ Member
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoConfused - I'll bet that he didn't think to reach over and comfort you. Kudos to you for controlling your emotions until it was time to leave. I'm struggling with a few triggers and that one would have made me leave the party at once.

Today's Trigger du jour: we drove past our old neighborhood where the first A had occurred. I am glad I wasn't driving. WS asked what was the matter and reached a hand across since she was driving. I'm hoping this subsides. I can't avoid that area for the rest of my life.


“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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