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User Topic: Revenge
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To me a ONS wouldn't be revenge. It would just be lowering myself to his level and maybe giving him some reason to feel that his actions weren't so bad after all.

Some days I still want revenge and justice though. Somehow leaving him penniless and homeless on the street would be good (but he works and has a good pension ) making him live with MOW for the rest of his life would be appropriate ( he doesn't like her/"never" liked her though).

Going along with R like everything is OK and then slapping him with divorce papers when the kids are older seems like the best revenge. I'm just worried that by then I won't want to divorce so there goes that plan.


Posts: 540 | Registered: Sep 2012
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't cheat as it goes against me and I couldn' t live with myself.

My revenge against H would be more financial related and only if we divorced. Since we are R I have no desire for revenge against him.

But I would like OW to suffer consequences because she made it personal. She stalked me and tried to steal my H and my life. But I took the high road due in part to her mental issues.

[This message edited by whattheh at 7:19 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 cheated after 32 years of M
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 396 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can honestly say it never crossed my mind. My fantasy revenge is more seeing him living in his car because he's broke having to pay child support for 6 kids.

I cannot imagine inflicting that much pain on someone I love so much. Regardless of what he has done I love him too much to want to see him go through the hell I have been through. He has his own kind of hell to live through daily anyway just facing what he has done.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2013
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Revenge?

Yes...

Crappy, petty passive aggressive stuff...

-Ignoring his text all day
- going to movies without him that I know he wants to see.
- not cooking things I know he likes or has asked me repeatedly to cook.
- not telling him his breath smells like ass.
- drying my butt off with his towel then later watching him dry his face with it.
- refusing for the last 3 yrs to take my dog out or pick up poop. He does it and it serves him right for all the times he made a big deal about "walking my dog" yet he used it as an excuse to talk to mow. .


Like I said petty but I cant help myself.



Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
StepAside
♀ Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

- not telling him his breath smells like ass.
- drying my butt off with his towel then later watching him dry his face with it.

sunflowergirl30 get out of my head!


Me 47yrs, douche midlife crises poster boy- 49yrs
DitchPig -45yrs Shrek in drag.
Last Dday April 12/10-Divorcing
We live in a world where the fear of illusion is real

Posts: 1502 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: The Cheese Stands Alone
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I thought about an RA for about a year. Funny, someone showed up into my life that was clearly interested. It made me feel good but I could never do it! Not even an EA. Just couldn't lower my morals that way. It would have been too much against my strong beliefs in fidelity


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh i forgot also

- running into things like trash cans, curbs and road kill with his precious lexus.
- leaving a gallon of milk in the trunk of his lexus for a week. In the summer...
-letting the kids eat in his precious lexus.
-driving his precious lexus until the gas light is on and then switching to a different car. Then driving that car until its on empty and taking his precious lexus.
-letting my brother drive wh precious lexus on the freeway going crazy fast at 1am after picking him up from the airport...
-washing, detailing his precious lexus. then taking it back to the lexus dealer and selling it :)


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Revenge doesnt have to be an affair or cause you to lose respect for yourself. Many of the things I have felt vindication over are actually consequences for wh for his infidelity and stupidity.

I blame my wh 100%for his infidelity. Sure I hate mow but all my negative feelings and attention is focused on wh. As it should be.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
huRtZ413
♀ Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I thought about it still do I'm just 4 months out though I know I won't cause well I don't want any other man besides my WH . To top it off he was the only good guy I ever knew and he hurt me so I lose hope in what men can be for women ....


But I did get him demoted .



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is normal to want to make our WSs feel the same pain we feel.

It is unfair that they got to have fun & now we (and our kids) have all the pain.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Dec 2012
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've thought about it, he even said I get a free pass. REALLY???????????
I don't want a free pass. It wouldn't make it right or better.
I have thought about taking some pics I saved from his computer of her and printing them out and putting her number on them with "I'm a married slut who sleeps with other married men here at work, so call me".
However, he'd probably lose his job if I did that and I don't want that to happen.
However I still am contemplating giving out her number somehow.
I know it's wrong, but hell she is wrong the slut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He has to live with me and deal with me.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
sunshine226
♀ Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my revenge is letting him stay with her, letting him lose all he has worked so hard for over the past 24 years, losing his kids because of his actions, having friends and family not want to be around him and not liking the OW

My revenge is moving on without him and having a better life


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Bloomsday
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On behalf of a woman friend... it is hard to achieve revenge against a person who has such a tenuous connection to reality that he is only truly heartbroken when his fantasy football team loses.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I havn't thought so much about revenge on WH so much as revenge on OW. She made my life shatter too and doesn't even care. She actually seems to be the neighborhood slut and has slept with several of the married guys around here. When I mentioned to WH that he would probably feel aweful if I had an affair, he surprised me. He said it would serve him right and actually ease his guilt. I have chosen to be the bigger person and not take revenge. But it is something I have thought about.


BS (33)
WS MisterP (36)
Together 13 1/2 Years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly making progress towards Reconciliation.

Posts: 164 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS and I had this conversation today.
When I think about doing something along this lines it's not for "revenge" but for him to understand EXACTLY how I feel.
I find I can usually get the same effect simply by telling him what I could have, could do-might do, etc and have been very graphic about it.
I phrase it in this way "When I see in my mind the things that you did with her, this is what I want you to imagine..." and then I say very specific things from our sex life that I would do with someone else (because I like it!) and the lines I would cross, and the way I would act, positions, everything.
I say it to him so that he can understand exactly what I SEE when I think of what he ACTUALLY DID.
He hates it. He is terrified of me being with someone else. Then I point out that what he's thinking of is just his imagination-what I am thinking of actually happened, and he's the one who did it to me. He's the one who hurt me that way.
I told him today, do you even understand that after all you've done to me, that it would take a hurculean effort for me to betray my morals by being with someone else even though I've already filed for divorce.
But he knows that he never thought he was that person either, and he turned out to be.
He told me today that if I think I want someone else to just let him know and we will call it quits. I reminded him I'd said that to him before the affair.
He asked me if I intended to find someone else. I told him "I don't intend to. But you didn't either."
Then he said " I want to hear that you're committed to our marriage and you're not going to be with anyone else."
So I looked him in the eye and said "I am not going to be with anyone else." And he knew that it was the exact same thing he'd told me, then he went and did it anyway.
It's amazing how words can lose their meaning so easily. He saw this and it truly terrified him.
So, do I think about it? Yes. Could I do it? I don't think so. In my mind I am still married to him. In my mind, no matter what he has done, I don't have whatever "it" is that allowed him to cheat.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going along with R like everything is OK and then slapping him with divorce papers when the kids are older seems like the best revenge. I'm just worried that by then I won't want to divorce so there goes that plan.

This is pretty much my revenge fantasy too. Let him think I'm trying to R and then in a year or two pull the rug out from under him and file for D. I don't think I'd actually be able to do it though. I feel like I could now because I'm so angry, but I know myself better than that.


Me: BS
Him: WS

Posts: 72 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going along with R like everything is OK and then slapping him with divorce papers when the kids are older seems like the best revenge. I'm just worried that by then I won't want to divorce so there goes that plan.

Well it's good to know that I'm not the only person who's had that cross their mind. On the other hand I wouldn't want to squander what "youth" I have left. I still could bag an nice juicy 30-something if that's what I wanted. If I waited until the kids are gone I will be in my 50's

Either way, I want to make my marriage work and stay with her for the long haul. Otherwise I'd have bailed already.

[This message edited by mrcpu at 2:40 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 22 Dec 2013
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 190 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of Revenge Fantasies, this one is for the OM!

Some of you know my WW's OM was my BFF of 30 years and recently he started dating my neighbor a couple doors down. In a way it's my fault for introducing them and it sucks when I see him or his car, or even when I see her car is out and I know she is over at his place, but in here lies the best part.

He is attracted to her because he is a "fixer" and she is broken. She is a single mother with 3 kids who has never worked, is on welfare and has run off on every good man in her life. Her place is a mess and her kids are hooligans. He on the other hand is almost OCD when it comes to cleaning and his daughter is an amazing young lady. I can tell his attraction to this woman (besides her big boobs) is because he is a "fixer" with a "knight in shining armor" complex. I would like to see him and this woman move in together.

Already is ex-wife is going ballistic because of his new relationship and because she has heard his new GF is a gold-digger so I hope that he:
- loses his kid to his wife
- his wife goes for the MAXIMUM support she can get (which is indefinite because she is on disability)
- he marries the woman and in the end she cheats on him, destroys him, takes everything he owns for her own kids and...
- he kills himself in horrible motorcycle accident in which he is trapped under the bike and it catches fire and the first thing to burn is his dick

BOY... that was lethargic! :-)


D-Day: 22 Dec 2013
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 190 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
odinseye
♂ New Member
Member # 40213
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My style of revenge tends to take a more physical turn. I know it takes two to tango, but one thing I have found in my situation is that the male wants to have somone to prove he is the better man. I don't let any one laugh at me any more.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Indianapolis
roses303
♀ Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhh. Revenge. Thought about it many times. WS offered me a free pass too. I wouldn't sink to that level. What good would it do.

I'm trying to channel my revenge into something more positive. I'm trying to work out and lose weight because part of me thinks that he liked me fat because he knew it would keep me with him. It didn't bother him aesthetically but I'm sure he understood that it would be harder as a fat mid-40 yr old woman to leave him, giving him all the more incentive to have an affair because I'd always be there to raise the kids and run the house and wash his underwear. I want to get in shape and be attractive to other men. Not so I can have an affair but so that he knows that other men are attracted to me.

If I can succeed it will also be a bit of revenge on OW too. She and I had been friends forever. Since college we had issues with our weight and struggled to support each other. Right before the first time she seduced my husband she had weight loss surgery and lost 100 pounds. She was very smug about the weight loss. She was very pushy about the surgery. The WLS didn't fix any of the things that made her fat to begin with. It just made her thin. Some of those issues were part of why she went after my WH not once but twice instead of being satisfied with her own. If I lose the same amount of weight on my own, through hard work and discipline, through resolving any issues I have with food and getting my self into a happy stable place. Then I've won.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
Topic Posts: 76
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