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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Humiliation
annehurts22
♀ New Member
Member # 31787
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why am I feeling humiliation about their marriage? I'm feeling humiliated all over again. I just saw a pic of them on facebook (I have them both blocked, but this was from a venue advertisement) and they are just out with all of their friends, etc. I don't want him, I'm glad to be rid of him, but am still humiliated somehow. How do I make that stop??

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2011
annehurts22
♀ New Member
Member # 31787
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should have been more clear - the remarriage is quickly approaching.

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2011
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

Realizing that your life is your life. You are doing what you want and going at your pace. I think that it is common to feel humiliated or like a loser when the other party can "move on" to another relationship so quickly.

My X who got dumped by OM when D papers were served picked up a guy in her D recovery class even before our D was close to being final. She is just a creature that needs someone to be codependent on.

What did it take to not be humiliated by that or her cheating? It was the fact that I no longer cared what others thought. My friends and family would understand and support me and the others weren't worth my time. Since adopting this view I've been able to try new things in life and expand my comfort zone. It has been liberating and I've realized things that I was missing out on.

I don't think that you need to feel humiliated by this. You are a great person.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51526 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It hurts, it stings like hell that they can seemingly so easily and quickly replace us.

But, they have a void to fill and whatever is easiest is what they will use.

what I am realising is that the journey I am now on is focused on me, the lessons to be learned are to my benefit. On learning me and what I want and need. I have chosen to not find a distraction person rather I have chosen to rediscover me. Why? Because I am strong enough and awesome enough to reflect on myself and put the time in now to grow and be a better person.

Him, well I know that story. I lived it for a long time. I know the beginning, the middle and the end. He is incapable of change. This is not lasting love, it is only the fog of 'lurrrrrrve'. it will end, rinse, lather, repeat. My ex is with one of his APs now. insert eye roll here. Hell he has been with her for years. She is truly interchangeable.

Try to take the feelings of humiliation and turn them around to benefit yourself. What is it you want from life, what is it you deserve? Try and focus on you, you are worth it.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
annehurts22
♀ New Member
Member # 31787
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys. I have been thinking, no reason to be humiliated. These are peoplenwho are truly beneath me. What's to be humiliated about, right?

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was humiliated that he cheated.

I was humiliated that I turned a blind eye to it for so long.

I was humiliated that I was in such a shit M.

I was humiliated that I tolerated abuse for so long.

I was humiliated that I still wanted to try to save the M.

I am humiliated that I am still mourning him.

I am humiliated that I was ever married to him.

I am NOT humiliated that he bounced straight into a relationship straight away.

He will marry as soon as he can convince someone to marry him. He will marry several times. Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

In a weird way it all makes me feel better. Proof that there is something seriously wrong with him.

Please read "She's Special" - its the second article down.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

You have nothing to be humiliated about but I do understand the feeling. I have it for different reasons myself.

((annehurts22))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5446 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^ Exactly annehurts22!! You have not done anything humiliating! Nobody who's opinion matters thinks this about you! TRUST ME!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Oct 2012
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, and as you can see from responses, many of us feel not only betrayed but humiliated.
Trust me on this, the XWS is never a prize.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 600 | Registered: Jul 2012
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the humiliation each and every time he drives off to OW's house and I am aware where he is going.

The problem is, it's hard to turn off.

But yes, looking forward does help.

FWIW to share, Nearly ExH was talking remarriage before I even knew there was an OW and I have the pain of knowing that he confided in relatives of mine-close ones-but did not tell me of his own will, only after I knew.

You already sound better than when your thread began, Annhurts, and I hope that you'll get to a point where you just don't look anymore. I let go of all of my social networking stuff and it took some adjustment, but I am better now. They ruined it for me anyway, but basically I'm glad not to be part of anything "they" are. It's the little bit of moving forward I've been able to do and I hope you can, too. Or block them, or some such that people do.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
annehurts22
♀ New Member
Member # 31787
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you guys. I'm so sorry all of you had to go through this muck. I'm thankful for friends (even online and anonymous!) who can commiserate and console, though. Thank you. Take care :)

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2011
Topic Posts: 10

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