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User Topic: Double lives...
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone have a WS that has almost always led a "double life"? Not just A I mean - just in general. Lots of stuff swirling in my brain, no new info but his new IC put his past into perspective for me. I have known WH had a criminal past but sitting down and putting all these pieces together -
He has led a double life his entire adult life. He has blindsided at least 3
Other women with these double lives not counting me. Not just affairs I mean. He hid his criminal past from 3 women, two while it was happening, cheated on his first wife. Just having this whole secret other side. Mind reeling, heart hurting, soul feels crushed. Was he ever who I thought he was? How can such an amazing man have such a dark side and me know and think he would treat ME different? Maybe I have had one too many Berry Sangrias while
I try and sort my brain out....


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
ShockedErica11
♀ Member
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was he ever who I thought he was? How can such an amazing man have such a dark side and me know and think he would treat ME different?

I feel in some instances WH was extremely inauthentic about a number of things, and he was/is very much so in denial about a lot of things in his past, but this statement struck me: there was a lot of things he admitted about himself and his personality and I just thought that there was no way he'd treat me the same way; I knew that I was different than the women that he dated before and I allowed my false "special" status to convince me otherwise of his negative crappy behavior. I thought I was safe.

I just wanted to let you know, I understand this statement all too well.


Him (31): Taurus517 (17 mon EA/PA); others
Me (27): 3mo EA/PA (kissed once)
One too many D-days
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 230 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ere was a lot of things he admitted about himself and his personality and I just thought that there was no way he'd treat me the same way; I knew that I was different than the women that he dated before and I allowed my false "special" status to convince me otherwise of his negative crappy behavior. I thought I was safe

And here is why I am so damn angry at MYSELF lately. Gessh -
I don't have issues - I have the publishers clearing house of subscriptions.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I feel like STBX had a double life. I know for a fact he carried on communication in secret, he even had a secret PO Box just so he could carry on covert relationship(s) and do Godonlyknows what behind my back. I strongly suspect he was having "catfish" relationships based on bizarre stuff I found and occasional bizarre behavior. Since separating I have discovered this disgusting sexual perversion that I did not know he had, although once I discovered it a whole bunch of pieces fell into place and I understood certain things that had puzzled me for years. All the things I've found out about STBX have made it very clear that I truly did not know who he was. If we'd had a Catholic wedding I could have it annulled due to the vast deception and deceit. It's frightening to know just how much of himself he hid from me, how much he carried on behind my back, the lengths he went to in order to trick me & deceive me.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9858 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely. My exwh had a whole other life I had no idea about. Job problems, family issues, borrowing money from people. Then the multiple OW that I have since found out that it has been ongoing for our whole relationship, over 20 years.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1363 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's crazy how you can have all the pieces of the puzzle and be so damn puzzled. His IC said two words and DAYS later I am absorbing all that means. No "new" info really -
Just finally asked WH enough questions about his past to actually BUILD the puzzle. No more just staring at random pieces that I *KNOW* fit together but don't know how. At some point the layers of understanding this crap stop rght??


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I KNOW IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.
I do. Really. BUT -

I knew he cheated on his first wife. I knew he served prison time twice. I also knew/know people can and do change. I was working on it - my past is littered with poor decisions. Heck my behaviors since Dday shows just how much crap I haven't really dealt with. What I can't wrap my head around is I really would have accepted and WANTED to see his dark side. He never let me have it. He still doesn't. its sad and ironic that THIS may be the straw that breaks this camels back. I was under the impression we were two fucked up people trying to help each other get out of our self inflicted pits. Because unhealthy can fix unhealthy right? Maybe I just answered my own question....

Which brings me back to the beginning - stop trying to understand WH. Memo to self - Fix your own shit dipshit! Maybe I need to print that HUGE and hang in my wall?


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Topic Posts: 7

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