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Newest Member: BrokenBrunette (44275)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How do you tell people? Not the way I did it! Awkward!
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. I need a lesson in eloquence.

I went into work today and was talking with a couple of colleagues. One asked where the kids were, and I said, "Oh, I'm divorced, and they're with their dad." That, of course, was followed by a beat of awkward silence, which I scrambled to fill.

I should have just said "they're with their dad." I'm not sure why that stupid response popped out of my mouth. Maybe because I've been hiding it for so long that it was almost a relief to say it out loud? I have also heard that some people were speculating as to my status at work, so I guess that I just want to put any gossip to rest-- yes, I'm divorced, now carry on!

But, I still feel dumb, like Baby in Dirty Dancing: "I carried a watermelon."

Anyone else had one of those moments?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I try to inject a little humor, but I have no qualms about telling people. I just say, "I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend." People either laugh or don't know what to say.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19795 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else had one of those moments?

No.


Dozens!!!

I think the filter broke. I swear I say the damnedest things and the shocked "umm... so what do we say to THAT?" response is familiar to me.

I am working on it.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5597 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With the amount of divorces out there, I'm surprised anyone was even shocked.

I think you did fine.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
AppleBlossom
♀ Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you for normalising it. Being divorced and having kids go between houses is your life, and your kids' life. That is your truth. You shouldnt have to worry about other people's sensibilities.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started a new job during False R and final S happened 2m later. I didn't talk about him much and didn't tell anyone what was going on months later. It made it easier to cope without all of the sideways glances and when I did talk about it it was something that had happened - not something that was happening.

"I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend."

I remember laughing when I first read this in a tag line here. I've used it myself but with "girlfriends". Humour is the best medicine IMO.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 11:54 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5419 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had thought that word had gotten around my office about my X. Several people there knew both of us and certainly plenty of people knew.

One day a friend/co worker who I had not seen in a while came by. X and I knew him and his GF. We had even been to his parent's house for dinner years before. So he asked about X (then stbx) and said we should get together with him and his GF. Without thinking I blurted out "That asshole had an affair and left for his whore" *awkward*


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
eyesrnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost 26 pounds since DD. when I ran into an old friend who asked me how I did it, I said I was on the my husband cheated on me diet, highly effective but I wouldn't recommend it.


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, I still feel dumb, like Baby in Dirty Dancing: "I carried a watermelon."

I was just in an emergency department meeting and found out we were being laid off and transferred to a service. When talking about the new benefits at the service we are attempting to transfer to, I asked about my going through a divorce, having spousal insurance until it is final, and ensuring that this qualified as a life event and I could start benefits with them when the D is final and not have to wait for open enrollment. Of course the answer was yes, but I got much sympathy from my co-workers after the meeting. I was just like, "Oh, it's a fabulous thing. That guy was a cheating abusive asshole, and I'm so much happier now."

I think I got a few , but whatever. It was probably awkward, but I'm not ashamed anymore. He's the asshat who should be ashamed..

And I am also on the "divorce diet." It's nice everyone telling me how fabulous I look, but I think I better slow down soon.. Some people seemed to question whether I was sick. And the answer is "Yes, I'm sick of the FuckTard that I can't get finally untangled enough from to finally get an official D.."


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2000 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told everyone. I wanted people to know the truth about him.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3171 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 10

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