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User Topic: fack it, I'm done..not going home
nestlee
♀ Member
Member # 39871
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided that I was going to stay at my brothers until H agreed to these terms.

(1) bring me all Viza and Banks statements from 2009 to 2012.
(2) come clean
(3) go to Ic and Mc.
(4) let me be able to go out by my self.. When I want too.

He said that I'm crazy..that there's nothing to confess. He keeps saying he only bought those condoms. Cause he saw them sitting on the shelf. He doesn't need counseling. But he will go to a anger management course. He also said He won't give me free time to be a slut. So I decided to stay at my brothers until I find a place of my own. I'm very hurt that he won't fess up. But I'm not surprised. I'm loving being away from him. I haven't been called name's or yelled at for over a week now..and freedom is soo nice. I really don't think there is any reason for me to go back...hope I can keep strong. Thank U all for such great support.


A woman needs a man..Like a fish needs a Bycicle.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Canada
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you're making a super-awesome decision. And he sounds like an ass, IMO.

I wish you the best of luck, Nestlee!


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Nestlee!)))

I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad you had somewhere safe to go.

And FTG for saying you having time to yourself was "slut" time. And FTG to not coming clean and calling you names.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said that I'm crazy..that there's nothing to confess. He keeps saying he only bought those condoms. Cause he saw them sitting on the shelf. He doesn't need counseling. But he will go to a anger management course. He also said He won't give me free time to be a slut.

Your problem isn't that he won't fess up; it's that he said this^^^^

He only bought them because he looked at them? Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.

He doesn't need counseling, but will go to an anger management course? Ummm, if you need help with anger management, you need counseling.

He won't give you free time because you will just be a slut? THAT IS ABUSE.

Run nestlee. Run and never look back.

Do not let this man hoover you back in. Do not talk to him.

HE is crazy. Not you. If you talk to him, he will try to make you feel crazy again.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 836 | Registered: Jun 2012
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very proud of you girl! Good for you!

Try NO CONTACT as much as possible. These abusive dicks don't often go away quietly.

Lean on your friends and family. You will still ride a rollar coaster of emotions, but you will overall get higher and higher than you ever dreamed.

ETA: He doesn't get to know who, what, when, why, or what anymore. He doesn't deserve your feelings or emotions anymore, and don't give them to him!!!

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 8:20 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2107 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I just say too? I think I told you to use this time with your brother to think of some requirements for R. And you did that! And you gave them to him!

And he FAILED, MISERABLY.

Don't go back on any of these. And if he does these 4 (INCLUDING ALL STATEMENTS), think of some more. This kind of abuse is INTOLERABLE. He was abusively isolating you from your support system, and it's going to take a LONG TIME of consistent remorsefulness and him willing to change FOR HIMSELF, not for you. And when I say "long time," I mean a long ass time of consistent, reliable actions.

Honestly, I don't see him doing nearly any of this, and I would spend some time down in S/D and asking about your next steps in dealing with someone like this. They are VERY good at manipulation, flipping things around on you, taking some of the mistakes you've made and blaming you for everything, making you somehow feel as if you deserved the abuse. It's crazy making!! Just keep your head on straight girl. Trust your gut.

The first post I saw from you, I saw a very scary situation of isolating abuse, and it's going to take a long time to break free of that and some healing on your part to realize you deserve better. And to never, NEVER let anyone treat you like that again. You are going to have to build some defenses while learning to trust the other people in your life at the same time (and some of them, unfortunately, will also let you down). It's not easy, but you are on the right path!!

Please, PLEASE, don't take any crumbs from him and think he deserves another chance right now. He was a total ASSWIPE in response to your demands. He wants control, and he's going batshit crazy that he doesn't have it over you right now.

Move forward, consult a lawyer at least to know your options. I saw you mention you have kids, so know what you should do as far as they are concerned. Don't offer him the kids unless he asks for them, and start yourself a Word document or get a journal and document EVERYTHING relating the kids, when he sees them, the days, times, phone calls, any thing he does to try to stay in touch with the kids. This will be a big help to you later. You can't refuse him the kids, but there are strategies to dealing with this..

It's time for you to be strong. It's WAY to early to see if there's any hope for this guy. Until then, heal you. If you are healed, then you will be strong and know if he is even someone you want to give another chance to.

Not sure if you're ready for this yet, but I might file for divorce if I were you. I would try to get temporary orders including visitation, child support, and exclusive use of the marital house AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. He can financially ruin you right now (max out credit cards, take out loans, etc., and you will owe half) until you file, so time to protect nestlee and the kiddos.. I do think there are advantages to filing first. You want to be driving the bus. Sorry if I'm jumping the gun here and you aren't ready for this, but I HATE him for how he has abused you, and I wish someone had given me this advice sooner..

Big hugs to you!! I'm so rooting for you!! Good luck!!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2107 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 6

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