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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Plan to fix the crazy situation
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh honey, what you are feeling and what you are going thru is NORMAL! Knowing that does not help much except to know you are not a freak or idiot or whatever.

Healing form infidelity takes years. All of us want it to take days, but the truth is that you just get by day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute in those first horrible months. And sometimes you have the same horrible moments even after you thought you healed.

Take things way day at a time. Figure out what you need to get thru the next day, or next hour, or even next minute, and then call upon your inner strength to provide for you. You really ARE stronger than you know, you just do not know it yet

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17686 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is like a bargaining stage of grief. I don't really have any advice but I will pray for you.

Posts: 507 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I'll echo Dreamboat in that your thoughts and feelings right now are completely NORMAL. I went through the same ones. It's like the brain knows, but the heart doesn't want to hear it! You are also only a year out from DDay, you're still trying to process everything. For now, take it one day at a time and start thinking about things that sound interesting, like an art class, or hobbies. Slowly add these things into your life and your thoughts will focus more on those things than on the ex and ow.

BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was reading your last post and felt you expressed EXACTLY how I'm feeling lately. This is so unbelievably difficult at times.
I hate you are feeling this way. You certainly aren't alone.


[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 3:23 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
♀ Member
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's time for you to have your Scarlett O'Hara moment - go look in the mirror, and with all the fortitude and determination, say, "As God as my witness, I will never endure this disrespect again!".

Then don't ask the inlaws, the OW or XH to change.

YOU change.

Take down the curtains - the illusions of the past. Make a dress out of those curtains - dust off that resume and change your circumstances.

Just because you might love what you do, or the job market might be tough, doesn't mean there's not something better out there you can do. Because there is. Because you won't have to see him every day. You won't have to relive this emotional pain every day.

If the job takes you to another community, so be it. The oldest is almost through high school. The youngest hasn't begun junior high yet. It will be a growing opportunity for all of you. Make your plans and don't tell a soul.

But teach your children about adapting and becoming stronger. Give them the tools and strength to say - Mom - if we need to move before I get to graduate with my friends, I will support you because I'm strong and want to make new friends anyway. I want to be a part of a new life.

Help them let go by you letting go.

I've been listening to an audio book/workshop on the way to work called "Fear Into Fire" and frankly fear is all about being resistant to change.

If you want your children to be courageous, teach them to embrace change.

Posts: 161 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You want to do what is best for the children, and take the high road.
Sounds like the ex, OW and Inlaws are on a different road. They will not see your plan as you do. Even the best intentions can be misdirected. The group you describe will run you good intention off the cliff.
Retain your dignity, respect and goals for the children.
Stay strong.

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think one piece to this puzzle is missing....

Do the Inlaws KNOW about the Affair?

If not, hell yeah you need to out the affair! Do not warn anyone, just go an talk to them privately.

I was in the same situation as you except his family lived out of state. Once I told them about the affair, it didn't change them & me , but I knew they finally knew. period. THat's all I got out of it because they believe all his other lies.

Getting away from sick people is the only way to change.

I feel the same way after IC, I started going 2x a week for a while. It's a process. Keep chugging along.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:17 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2214 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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