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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 9:36 PM, September 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got you covered

Thanks for covering my laziness.

No wonder I'm so skinny.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h0peless, I was so far adrift from what my concepts of Core Values were I rescued them from a video game.



You know what though? The tools we're given can only do as good a job as the hands that wield them. If you managed to find yourself you are way ahead of a lot of people in this world, sir.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7096 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know exactly who I am (do any of us really?) but I have a pretty good idea of who I would like myself to be. It's a work in progress.

Posts: 1315 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't stop being a work in progress until you die.

Also, I am not sober.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7096 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not being sober can be another work in progress.

I hope I never become who I want to be, never achieve all I want to achieve, never have all of my dreams fulfilled, and never become satisfied with the state of my life. I can't think of any worse fate than having nothing left to do and just waiting to die.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope I never become who I want to be, never achieve all I want to achieve, never have all of my dreams fulfilled, and never become satisfied with the state of my life.

IDK, I kinda disagree. When I've beaten this level, I just hope that I'm smart enough to set new goals.

I can't think of any worse fate than having nothing left to do and just waiting to die.

Agreed.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well aesir!
"Some people work on finding answers..."
Are we back to 42 then?

Truth. I love the analysis.
I believe we're at a time when cultural constructs (including media, teachings in academia, economic "levers" artificially and arbitrarily put in place, *add your own here*) have eroded character - or - hardwiring (the "good", controlled kind).

Appealing to that which is base and selfish has always been an "easy sell"...and produces a predictable outcome: the guy not catching the football, the epidemic plague of unfaithfulness, e. t. c!

Few there are who resist the sirens - even heroes required shackling to the mast. I want to say, we come in here to this little club, lost, stumbling, to find in time (I have) - THE strongest group of real men, siren-resistors! I have ever encountered. And it didn't require bondage.
(*insert wiseass joke here*)

Rambling, I know...
Something in this video...I guess it reminds me how I want it to be. It feels like a strange way to put it, it is an unfiltered glimpse at some hardwiring:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqebEymqFS8


Posts: 5999 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Siren-resistors.

Ooh-rah!

After reading through many of the posts in this thread, I will say that the character of the individuals here seems to be a notch above the riff-raff of normal society.

We have to face the fact that men get a bad rap. I hate the double standard. We're expected to be fucking perfect, and then when our wives run off to fuck some other guy it is somehow our fault for not being 'perfect' enough.

I've been trying to work on me lately. Doing a lot of running, eating healthy. Hell... signed up for my first 10k race (next weekend). I look better than I have in years, but still feeling a bit broken on the inside.

Had a conversation with my wife the other day. She wanted to know if she was a priority in my life. I said no... she wasn't. "I am the priority in my life right now" was what I told her, and I meant it. I can't worry about making her happy or worrying about if I'm hurting her feelings. I need to worry about me. I can't worry about her or us... just me. All I can control is me.

Not sure if this is a new one or not.. but I think 'WINO' should be a new acronym. Wife In Name Only. Cause that's what she feels like to me right now. She's my wife only because there's a piece of paper somewhere that says that's what we legally are. Emotionally? Not even fucking close.

Wife In Name Only.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WINO... Okay, but at some point she should start to own her shit and fix things, 'cause I'm done fixing what you broke, babe.

On a tangent... Yesterday, Friday the 13th, was my birthday. fWW and I went out to a great high-brow restaurant, had a bottle of wine, came home and started to fool around in bed. It had been a week or so since we had sex (not that I hadn't taken care of my own prostate health in the meantime - I digress).

She starts to play with me and just before she starts the oral, she says "I really like dicks."

Am I the only one here who's mind went in a hundred different directions at that split second?? ZING! OM#1! ZING! OM#2! ZING! Her high school teacher! ZING!

Well, the bottom line was... droop.

She asked what was wrong, and I waited to see if any introspection was going to appear on the horizon... alas, none was forthcoming, so I had to lead the horse to water.

I repeated back to her what she said to me, and she suddenly realized how that sounded. Well, that didn't go over to well, because then she got defensive "Everything I say, you take..." and I cut her off there.

"Don't you think that what you said was insensitive?" She admitted that, yes, it was.

But she's shoving her affair behaviour so far down, that she doesn't relate to it concerning her interaction with me, ie, saying stupid shit.

I'm not sure if this is rugsweeping or she's so disgusted with her A behaviour that she can't go near it anymore. Former=bad, Latter=good. And, I think it's Latter, really - But, she just does a complete blank of the past - I wish I could. A lobotomy would be nice for a birthday present next year, I think.

Kinda like what she said soon after DDay... The two of us going out somewhere, and I had forgotten my ring at home and wanted to go back and get it. She actually said "Don't worry, you can pretend to be my boyfriend."

*Insert jaw drop here*

We talked that one over in MC and it was brushed off as careless insensitivity.

I'm tired... didn't sleep too well. Nice sunny afternoon and the BSA is calling to me.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She starts to play with me and just before she starts the oral, she says "I really like dicks."

Wow, how insensitive! That's like shooting off firecrackers behind a soldier just returned from the front with PTSD.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I really like dicks."

That was insensitive. Really insensitive under the circumstances.

BTW, I really like pussies. But being the boy scout that I am, I've limited myself to one since 1995.

Sometimes I wonder...does that make me a good guy, or a big sucker?


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She starts to play with me and just before she starts the oral, she says "I really like dicks."
I'd bring THAT one up in MC and see if it gets brushed aside as careless insensitivity...if so, you need a new MC.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, we're not in MC anymore...

I'm 5 f*cking years past DDay for chrissakes.... why can't I ignore dumbass comments like that? Why does a careless comment like that stab my brain like a pithed frog?

Am I the only one like this?


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flup... dude, I'm 4 years out and just now starting to get a grip on exactly how bad I got fubar'd after dday.

You still have triggers, man and I get that. I trigger all the time lately. Saw a couple walking in the park the other day holding hands.... old couple - like in their 70s... and all I could think was "I wonder if she ever cheated on him? I wonder if he has any fucking clue....."

Does it ever get any better? I'm 4 yrs out... you're 5. I'm starting to seriously doubt. I'm here for my kids and because I'll get ass-screwed by the courts if I ever actually divorce her. That's my act of sacrifice right now. And why? Cause I have a fricken sense of duty and obligation to what is left of my home and family.

But maybe that's just me being a sap. I've actually toyed with the idea of finding a girl on the side for myself.... you know - she did it why can't I sort of thing. But you know why I don't? My kids. Even if they never found out, I would know. They look up to me so much, and I have to be that role model for them. I have to set the example.

Not that that thought ever crossed my wife's mind while she was letting Johnny drag-knuckles slide it in her.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even if they never found out, I would know.

Yep. Theoretically at least, having a wife that I'm crazy about and some hot action on the side sounds pretty good. I just can't figure out a way to be a liar and a cheat without me finding out about it. Damn conscience...


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, I've thought about that same thing also... being on the road with 40-something cat-rancher flight attendants giving me the eye at times, is a temptation - and one that I'm not likely to turn away from anymore.

AND, it's got nothing to do with fWW... it's got to do with my flattened ego and self-esteem.

I'm sure what I just wrote is seriously wayward-think, and I hate it.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is a temptation - and one that I'm not likely to turn away from anymore.

AND, it's got nothing to do with fWW... it's got to do with my flattened ego and self-esteem.

I get the part about the flattened ego and self-esteem flup, but I hope you reconsider when the time comes. If you otherwise had no desire to betray your wife or disregard your vows, why let her bad behavior change who you are or what you stand for? My wife and her sleazy AP don't have the power to make me less than I am.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 5 f*cking years past DDay for chrissakes.... why can't I ignore dumbass comments like that? Why does a careless comment like that stab my brain like a pithed frog?

Am I the only one like this?

You aren't at all. Though I will say when my wife makes comments like that and I go half mast she apologizes and isn't defensive about it.

Early out when we were still talking about shit all the time, we were using a variety of names for the OM. Mostly we settled on That Asshole but at one point she referred to him as The Big Dick. I will brag about my amazing fucking driving skills and say I not only did not crash us into oncoming traffic on 130 but stayed in my lane and calmly asked her what the fuck she was thinking.

If she had said "I really like *your* dick" then - at least from my experience with my wife - it tends to stay more in the moment. General commentary like "I think dicks are fun" is one of those open ended things you can't help but come up with zingers for.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7096 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
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