Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WELCOME MENZ!!


Don't worry about the Haters...we are all brotherly love here.


And please.

Please.

Please.

Respect the cat.

[This message edited by wonderboy at 1:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my eyeeessss!!! my eyesssss!!!!!

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not posting in Lucky 13. I'm just one step ahead of karma on my *best* days.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And the new clock...
Fandango style


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn it.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome, chicho. I saw you sneakin in the side door.

[This message edited by 64fleet at 1:43 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice clock. And the Menz threads need WALz, to give all the lurkers the appearance that we actually know what we are talking about. I just save everything WAL writes and cut and paste when it's appropriate. Not sure I've ever had an original thought.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not posting in Lucky 13. I'm just one step ahead of karma on my *best* days
.

WAL – you just did so I’m looking forward to some more of your blazing shit in Lucky 13.

The Jim Carrey pic was weird. I couldn’t decide if it was a look of “I’m going to kill something” or “I’m going to crap right here”. Maybe he had already seen the pics WB was opening this up with IDK.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I might have some coherent thoughts, but it comes out all wrong. Writing is a gift I evidently returned for store credit.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Writing is a gift I evidently returned for store credit.

So what did you get in return?


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB:
Now that's how you start a thread!

Last time I got stuck with in-store credit I ended of with a new shop-vac I didn't need. My WW used it to suck up what was let of my pride after dday.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't use my epic pic, because it is saved on my home computer. I had to borrow a buddies computer and find some "random" stuff. I'll save the truly epic picture for another time and place.

As a conversation starter, I think I stunned my wife a bit last night. We were talking about her being more proactive last night (sheesh, only had that conversation a thousand times), and I was trying to communicate to her how my view of the marriage and our life had changed as a result of her infidelity. I mentioned that I still have nasty inner thoughts that pop into my head, even when things were going good.

She pressed on what I meant. So I told her, an example.
"well honey, last night at dinner when your cousins and aunts were telling me what a wonderful family we had, the first thought that popped into my mind, was that I guess it's o.k. now that she's not focused on sucking OM's dick all the time..so yeah, I guess were wonderful"

Not sure if she was shocked or not, but really, the inner dialogue of random thoughts that pop into my head suck, I hope at some point they go away, but I'm not sure they will for a long time. Not sure why after x amount of days, waywards think that everything should be hunky dory. Just because I can act normal and have fun, doesn't mean that terrible thoughts don't pop into my head all the time. One of the lasting scars I guess.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the name of all that's holy, may BM 13 be free of half-naked pics of Fabio and the Hoff. The estrogen level was getting kind of high in here.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She pressed on what I meant. So I told her, an example.
"well honey, last night at dinner when your cousins and aunts were telling me what a wonderful family we had, the first thought that popped into my mind, was that I guess it's o.k. now that she's not focused on sucking OM's dick all the time..so yeah, I guess were wonderful"

I'm glad it isn't just me. That is my inner dialogue on a daily basis. It's like there is a huge asterisk next to my wife and our M that will never go a way. It is why I'm struggling to look at her fondly. I always follow everything positive about her with a "yeah, but..." thought in my head. I hope it goes away someday, but it is intensifying now that she is acting *normal* again.


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

may BM 13 be free of half-naked pics of Fabio and the Hoff

Seconded. Half-nekkid pictures of men is why all the wimmenz keep lurking here. Don't encourage them.

As far as shop vacs go, sometimes it's the only thing I have that doesn't suck.

WB - very brave. Good that you are in that position to talk to your wife that openly. I told my wife a while back that even if it looks like I'm ok on the outside, I'm not. I think the sweat stained sheets from nightmares is what they call a "clue".


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if she was shocked or not, but really, the inner dialogue of random thoughts that pop into my head suck, I hope at some point they go away, but I'm not sure they will for a long time. Not sure why after x amount of days, waywards think that everything should be hunky dory. Just because I can act normal and have fun, doesn't mean that terrible thoughts don't pop into my head all the time. One of the lasting scars I guess.

It's hard to tell what is inside someone else's head if it isn't communicated. I still have that shit blaze through also, but I think my wife also assumed it had played out because she was a bit surprised not too long ago when I was bothered by something very specific (I don't even remember what now); she's very conscious of shit that may trigger me, so it's not that she's being self absorbed or something.

For my part it's really because I have stopped talking about the specifics. They still gnaw at me. I still want to ask questions about shit sometimes. I even want to go to some of the sites and register it in my reality. Maybe piss on it and mark territory or something. She has no clue, though, since I don't bring it up and talk about it and I can't fault her for that. I tell my son all the time (who I am pretty sure has aspergers and not ADD, since without meds he is happy NO MATTER WHAT but can be HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT making a loud siren like noise through his nose for 20 minutes straight and still can't dress himself without supervision at age 11 because he will take all the soap in the linen closet and construct a soupy mess in the sink) that even if he didn't mean such and such, or feel so and so, his reaction and response and the information he provides to others is how they can see into his world.

Even if she knows I will be haunted by this shit for the rest of my life... I dunno, if I spend the next ten years acting happy I can't be a dick and say I WAS NEVER HAPPY BEEYOTCH. Well I could but then.. you know.

Sorry, thinking out loud mostly.

eta:

Also, I heard a couple WMMR morning shows where they had Fabio on. He seemed like a pretty cool guy, loved hanging with the hosts and didn't have a bad thing to say about anybody that I heard. Sounded like a cool guy to hang out with tbh.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 2:15 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I mentioned that I still have nasty inner thoughts that pop into my head, even when things were going good.

I had a moment like that early last month. I was sitting on the couch and my wife wanted to be all affectionate and what not and I was NOT in the mood. She asked me what was going on in my head, so I told her she didn't really want to know. She pressed, and so after she fell asleep I sent her an email detailing in graphic detail all of the most frequent images from my mind movies. She never brought the email up to me.

ETA: I was telling my counselor the other day that sometimes I just don't say anything because I'm sick and tired of talking about 'triggering' and "I'M THINKING ABOUT YOU HAVING DRUNKEN SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE" feels gross (and redundant) coming out of my mouth. Like, come one....we both know what the hell I'm angry about.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 2:19 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do that at times FP. I usually don't verbalize it too much, because I know it hurts her. I see it. And I just hate causing her pain, no matter how much I'm in. That, and I know if I do, it's pretty much going to ruin the rest of the day, and probably the next one too. Probably not the best strategy.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In regard to the Alpha discussion, Thinkingclear made a point yesterday that I focused on. Basically, that he I possesses the same paternal traits as he did before. But now, seems to recognize the value.

Which got me to thinking, why would we put any stock at all in the waywards choices.

My wife now thinks OM is a POS. but he has not changed. He's the same guy as before and she had every reason to see that then.

She now sees me as someone she does not want to lose. But I have not changed. If anything, I am worse. No matter how "nice" she is I can't respond in an authentic loving way. I know she sees that.

And as far as being a better man genuinely. I am not. I never obsessed with what she was doing. I never had trouble sleeping. I did not snap because of scenes in movies etc.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.