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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This morning...
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Sad  Posted: 11:53 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As my WH left to take the kids to school, I could feel a distance (similar to when he was in his A) of course I triggered. All I did was ask him a simple question, with a smile on my face mind you. "Are you doing right by me right now?"

He exploded! He jumped up and down throwing a tantrum threw his $300 sunglasses on the ground as well as his keys. He told me "Is this all you f**king think about all day long 24/7 7 days a week?" I yelled back, "yes I do think about it all day everyday do you think that I like it?" Then he mumbles something about me beating him up. Excuse me

This is not R. I know this is not R. I have an incomplete R.

I just ended up shutting the garage door in his face because I didn't want to see or hear him anymore. I don't feel anything either. normally I would be bothered by this, but now I am starting to think this is him and I'm not sure I like it.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Crazyblindsided)))


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2645 | Registered: Aug 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((CB )))))

You are right. That is not R. It takes both of you doing the work.

I am so sorry. The indifference you are feeling will allow you to get strong though. You deserve more. You know that.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8738 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The indifference you are feeling will allow you to get strong though. You deserve more. You know that.

I am getting stronger, thank you. It's the one good thing that is happening.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His anger is an inappropriate response to the lack of trust he's left you with.


Me BW, Him WH
DD 4/12/13
TT until 9/18/14

Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His anger is an inappropriate response to the lack of trust he's left you with.

That's what it feels like. Normally I would have broke down crying for upsetting him. Now I just can't believe what I'm seeing.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((cbs)) I can tell you're getting stronger, that's why you reacted differently this time.
Hugs!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5320 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks rachelc my IC and all the peeps here at SI have helped me! I really have to say I'm not sure I would have gotten to this point without SI...

speaking of which I need to donate


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In front of the kids? Is this a healthy environment for them to be in?


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In front of the kids? Is this a healthy environment for them to be in?

Yes he did do it in front of the kids. I have also acted badly in front of the kids at times. It is not healthy for them to see I agree. My tirades are over and it seems my WH's have just begun. I'm not going to take it. I can't, I have been abused in the past.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my husband behaved like that (actually literally jumping up and down screaming, ranting) we were in false R. This really bothers me for you.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we were in false R. This really bothers me for you.

I know I have this feeling too. I'm just not sure all my investigative methods are going to work this time. i honestly think I may need to hire a P.I. but then why bother. This sucks!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you need to investigate? You certainly aren't being treated with the love, and respect you deserve. That can be enough.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8738 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not alone. We had something similar and she asked if this is what I think about ALL THE TIME. Rug sweepers think you are one too I suppose. I think my FWW doesn't understand the extent of the damage and how long it takes to get over it.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1399 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((cb))) So sorry.

You are strong and getting stronger. Either he does the work to heal himself and treats you the way you deserve to be treated or you move on...

Easier said than done, I know....

Best to you.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 717 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either he does the work to heal himself and treats you the way you deserve to be treated or you move on...

Yeah this is basically how I am starting to feel. I can look back at my whole time with him and say that he always put his needs ahead of mine, always. I have done so much for this man. I believed in him. He let me down, I let myself down, it's been a real journey.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you need to investigate? You certainly aren't being treated with the love, and respect you deserve. That can be enough.

Thank you for the kind words. I need to start believing this myself.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CBS.

Is what he is doing enough for you in your M?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5091 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tired girl it is interesting that you ask this because he is doing everything that I've asked him, we have full transparency and I can tell he is putting in an effort (in his way). I don't like his reactions. I think they are abrasive, rude , and oftentimes feel cruel. I can tell he wants me to be over this badly and so do I, but it's kinda hard to do when the thoughts just don't go away.

My WH came by to see me at lunch. He vented said he was having a really bad day. I said nothing. Finally I asked him what was really wrong and he said he just can't believe who he is. He said he believes he creates his own stress in his life.

He has never admitted to anything like that. By the end of our conversation we discussed that he should go back to IC for himself. I just hope he realizes it was this same stress he created for himself and then the MOW became his stress reliever.

I'm not sure what he is doing is enough.

I'm really confused lately because I'm not sure if I create drama too. I was recently just told by my doctor that I fall into the Bipolar II category. Yay me

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:31 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CBS,

What Dr? Have there been tests done? Be careful about just taking this diagnosis at face value without proper testing.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5091 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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