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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Input needed. ow screwing another MM should I tell his wife?
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2 years ago the OW was my friend. She is now with my XWH, living together but keeping it kinda hush hush, 2 years ago she told several of us that she was screwing a guy, let's say his name is Joe. I thought Joe was single. I recently learned from a trusted source that she never stopped screwing "Joe" and that "joe" is married! I looked it up on facebook. Yep, Joe is married has 2 daughters and get this his son in 2 of the same CLASSES as my 8th grade son. Yep, same class,same period, same teacher, etc.

My question to the tribe: I will have $$$ around Nov and could hire a PI and show "Joe's" wife that Ow is sleeping with her H.

But for now I have no proof. Do I have a trusted friend tell the unsuspecting wife? Or me? or no one?

Thoughts please. BTW OW is still with my XWH!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1703 | Registered: Jan 2012
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let it go.

Spend your money elsewhere.

WAY too much drama here.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21009 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't bother spending MY money to prove that someone outside my marriage is sleeping with someone else outside my marriage.

I agree with Ajsmom. Stay out of it.


Me - 41
My Rockstar (Hubs #2) - 46, faithful, & an absolute doll!
DD(20) and DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs and 2 Cats)

The Cheater:
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Married 18yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 5504 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: United States
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't afford PI now, but should I talk to the wife and tell her what I have been told? I have no proof, just heresay. BTW OW also told a couple of other people.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1703 | Registered: Jan 2012
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You seemed determined, but for the life of me I don't understand why you'd want to entrench yourself in this.

Not your problem.

Not your mess.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21009 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, OW told several people she was screwing my H a year before anyone told me. I wonder if I would have believed them. I wonder if this BS already has an idea.

OW is a serial cheater -- I live in a small town, I guess I am going to hear more stories of her and Other Men. My XWH is stupid, he doesnt know she's done several OM in this town prior to him.

Do I just let it go or tell the BS?

Remember, this is the OW whose first H shot and killed the OM and himself...didnt stop her behavior at all.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:50 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1703 | Registered: Jan 2012
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts?

Just. Let. It. Go.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21009 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me the crazy lady says find a way to let her know. Spend $... NO.

Posts: 524 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd not spend any money, but would try to find a way to let her know anonymously.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8752 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd not spend any money, but would try to find a way to let her know anonymously.

These are my thoughts too.. I've always been determined to let someone know if they are being used and taken advantage of.. Not sure how to tell her or prove it to her, but you don't want to get too involved and let it go after you give her the heads up somehow.. I would have appreciated that from anyone that might have known.. At least give me a heads up somehow to do some digging.. But at the end of the day, I would focus on you and drop all that crazy drama. I certainly wouldn't want to invite it in my life, so anonymously seems best..

Good luck..

ETA- And good luck finding new friends. You certainly picked a skanky one there. What a slut..

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 5:24 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1369 | Registered: Feb 2013
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would find a way to tell her without letting her know it's you. I would not spend any money. Several people knew my ex had been cheating on me and never said a word. I wish they had told me.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
seriouslylostit
♀ Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spend a little money on spooftel ... Call MM's house with OW number in caller ID ... Hang up when answered and repeat and repeat

Or

Call your X using MMs number in caller ID ... Repeat and repeat

After a couple of days of that some or other shit is gonna blow up


Posts: 841 | Registered: May 2009
BrighterFuture
♀ Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let her know empathetically and anonymously. Also give her investigative tips anonymously as well at the same time when you inform her. Don't spend your time or money after that. What she decides to do with that information that you provide is upto her.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 3:55 AM, August 24th (Saturday)]


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 260 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm of the opinion that though it would be nice to know earlier, most of the time, no one thanks the messenger - and often, they won't believe you either.

So, definitely don't bother spending any of your own money for proof. It would just be a waste, and why spend your money on it?

As far as letting her know, though.... there's a good chance she won't believe you, and also a good chance that if it upsets anything with the OW, she will make life he!! for your X until he makes life miserable for you.

Honestly, what I would probably do is try to find her e-mail address, and if you can find it, set up a dummy e-mail account with yahoo or google or something. Then, send her an e-mail that just says she may want to check out this site (surviving infidelity). That should be enough to make her start questioning things with her WH so that she can find out on her own.


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would send an anonymous letter. That's all.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2061 | Registered: Feb 2010
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm of the opinion that though it would be nice to know earlier, most of the time, no one thanks the messenger - and often, they won't believe you either.

This is been my experience as well when I thought I was helping someone out. Except, I also became one of the bad guys in their eyes. Now, I feel bad for them when I find out someone is being played but I wouldn't get involved unless it was my sister or child being betrayed.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 782 | Registered: Aug 2011
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

seriouslylostit--

With Spooftel you can CHOOSE the number you want to show up in caller id? OMG I thought it was only a random number that would show up!!!! I am going to have to do this for other reasons.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1703 | Registered: Jan 2012
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd not spend any money, but would try to find a way to let her know anonymously.

This is what I'd do.


Posts: 13353 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't spend the money, but would let her know.

Not getting overly personally involved yourself seems wise and I can understand your feelings about her and what she's doing.

The truth is a gift of life.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not spend the money but I would let her know what you have heard. Make sure you tell her that it is just that, what you heard, cite sources if you can, tell her of the OW's past with MM and let it go from there.

Posts: 5464 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 20

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