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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: what if?
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart breaks for my sons, but for me, it is a relief that he has someone and leaves me alone while I heal.

I have come to realize he is a broken person, not the person I propped up all these years.

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2195 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ Member
Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am eternally grateful to whoever runs this universe that he wasn't.

At the time, I would have done anything to save my family for my kids, including put up with whatever bullshit I had to put up with probably. And if he had been a decent human being and tried to fix the mess he made out of my life and my kids lives, I would have stuck with it.

But... he wasn't, and that's a good thing.

I would have hated myself for accepting that situation. I would have lost self-respect. I would never have learned how competant and self-reliant I really am. I would have spent the rest of my life insecure. I would have never tried the things I've tried since then- I would have never had a job on 7th Ave in NYC. I would have never written a book. I would have never become friends with any of the people I know now.

I would have always felt taken advantage of, used, and not valued.

I am so glad that things worked out the way they did.

My Blog:

Posts: 4228 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My M was a very young M when X cheated. There wasn't really time for us to have fallen out of love. We were starting a family, etc. However, unknown to me, he met a co-ed in class, partnered with her and the rest is history.

I remember driving to the mall shortly before DDay, by myself, thinking that love must be something that wears off...that I was lonely in my marriage, but should get used to it. I remember thinking I was crazy about half of the time, due to the gas lighting. On DDay, while I was devastated, I was also relieved that the problem was that he had decided to boink a classmate.

I remember, very early on, when I considered R, that I felt like I was cheating on myself, giving up on the opportunity to be happy. Very thankfully, he was not capable of doing the things I needed to R.

I am incredibly grateful for my new beginning and do not feel guilty about it.

Posts: 917 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing what a POS he is, I'm very glad he let his true colors show. Now I'm just a few weeks away from being completely unbound from a horrible excuse for a husband.

God knew that it wouldn't have taken much for me to continue to commit my life to that empty shell and I thank God that there was nothing there to suck me back in.

I'm still in the early stages of my "new beginning" and there is still A LOT I need to deal with and pull together but it's already better than what it would have been, partnered with someone unable to love and seemingly unable to feel.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That relationship should not have lasted more than 6m. I should never have married him. I should never have had children with him.
I've said before that his lack of remorse was the kindest thing he ever did to me.

Ironic that his A was an exit A... for me.

I don't question or feel guilt about how his lack of remorse feels like a gift. I'm too busy trying to work out why the fuck I waited for him to cheat before finally having the strength/courage to leave.

I stuck around waiting for him to meet the potential I saw in him. He never did. Not even close. Yet I still pretended.

Damn. I've always hated being wrong. Talk about biting my nose off to spite my face.

Wow. I could have written every word of this.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto everything Eranda said.

He is a selfish, self-involved, narcissistic arrogant egocentric bipolar antisocial unfeeling (unless it involves him) angry messed up controlling pervert.

But if he had been truly remorseful then he wouldn't have been him. He is unable to feel true compassion for anyone else's pain or anything he does to cause others pain. It isn't in his personality.

He was a wolf in sheep's clothing and is and always will be a predator. I am so thankful it did not work out and he gave me the easy out. (Not saying betrayal is easy, but for me, it was probably the easiest way for me to be able to detach fairly quickly.)

I would have been better off alone, and much happier, and now I am in a relationship with someone who actually DOES care about my feelings and is able to open up emotionally with me, I am thankful every. single. day.

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15286 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 46
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