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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Physical rage?
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone hauled off an slapped or hit their WH in a fit a rage? Hypothetically, of course...ahem.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 4:47 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No never. I never got physical with him despite multiple affairs and ddays. I can not condone violence, ever. Hypothetically or not.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
TS68
♀ Member
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh boy do I understand. I still do not really know what is going on between my H and his secretary but what I do know makes me a bundle of nerves. I swear if I actually find out he is or had an PA I won't be able to keep from slapping him. This pain is like nothing I have ever experienced and believe me youngcow, I understand where you are coming from.
(((Hugs my friend)))



Married 20 years

Posts: 155 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup.Layed into him on several occasions,when I had just found out,and a couple of times later due to TT,after specifically explaining to him the damage it would do to our reconciliation,as it would mean I still couldn't trust him if I thought he was still lying to me.I'm certainly not proud of my being physically violent,and I apologised to him on each occasion once I had cooled off.I wouldn't recommend it to anyone,but when that black rage hit....I actually think I was certifiable for several days after d-day,and have a horror of going back there,frightening myself(as well as him)at the depth of feelings that errupted.After the last time I made a promise never to hit him again,which I have kept,I didn't like the person I was becoming.Oh,and smashed a few choice items of crockery too,but thgat didn't worry me nearly so much,although haven't done any more of that either.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 201 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The day after d-day he was PIXXED that I blew his fun bubble, he had plans to meet OW for sex just 3 days after I found out and that was now ruined. We got into it and I said "you were going to eff her!" and he got all up in my face and said, "yes, I was and I would have effed her for months!!" Let me tell you, when I say I lost my ever loving mind, I did. I slapped him across the face with such force, it shocked me. Black rage indeed. The other night his cruelty reared it's ugly head again and I hit him again. I apologized this last time and I will not go there again, and of course I don't condone violence (who does?)...it just amazes me what this has done to me, the girl who takes spiders outside instead of killing them. I have some serious rage at what he's done.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
ok4now
♀ Member
Member # 35896
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I didn't hit him but I did grab him by his neck and jacked him up onto the wall. (I am 5'4 and he is 5'8)

What is scary is I don't even remember consciously making a decision to grab him it was just a reflex.

It was after I just read all of the emails and busted him. He was asleep and I woke him up.

I never touched him prior to this or since but he had the look of fear in his eyes since that is totally out of character for me.

But working through dday and my anger I bought a heavy weight punching bag that I beat the crap out of and I am sure he realizes I wished it was his face.


BS - 39 (me)
WS - 33
DD - 6
D Day - 6/2/11 EA (would have been a PA if the OW was game)
"I'm not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore"
Blue de Chanel Commercial

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Maryland
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand that rage.

I want to caution everyone...hitting someone who has just shown you they can and will betray you..that they can and will shit all over you...could cause you to wind up in jail. They can press charges on you for assault..and you will end up in jail.

Again..I understand that rage..boy do I. I slapped WH on dday. Once. I lost my mind,truly. I don't even remember most of that day. Finding out your husband cheated..AND cheated on you with a man(blindsided) can cause one to lose their mind. But it was not ok. And had he wanted to press charges,he could have.

Don't do anything that will cost you your freedom. The very last thing you want is to be sitting in a jail cell...not knowing if your WH has his whore in your house with your kids.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7136 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I understand the rage. This is why they call it temporary insanity! As long as it was an isolated incident and not an ongoing problem, I wouldn't worry about it. However, please get IC to deal with this trauma, obviously it is greatly affected you. If this is something out of character for you, you don't want to let the crap that your WS has done change who you are!


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually no. I am surprised by that and so is my WH. We both thought I would be insane with rage. Turns out I wasn't, I was sad. Desperately, soul aching sad. And far from wanting to hit him, I wanted him to hold me.

Something I did do was harm myself which also shocked me. I punched myself in the face, pulled my hair and other crazy things. My WH begged me to hit him instead but I couldn't. I wasn't angry but I was sad and I couldn't express the depth of my sadness. It was a very odd time in my life.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I've been in IC since the first week, talked about the rage. Apparently it's easier to feel rage/anger than all the other emotions. Sigh.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah,yes. I have hit myself. Pulled my hair,hit myself in the head,called myself terrible names. It's embarrassing to admit..to do..and to do in front of your husband.

As angry as I am with him..I am angrier with myself. Some days,I really hate who I have become. I need to work on that.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7136 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH prefers my anger to my saddness, he can't handle my saddness. Anger, he understands.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
mixedintherut
♀ Member
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently dealing with my second round of this. The first time, I cried and screamed and told him every single thing I could think of, things that I had hoped would hurt him as much as he was hurting me. I cried the first 14 days, I counted because I never thought it would stop. One day it did. I went a hole day without crying, and I would go a couple of days and break down again.

This second time, I was pissed. I did not cry, It took me 2.5 days to cry and it scared me more then the whole situation. I cry over everything, but no I was just pissed. I want to hit him every time I see him. I haven't and wouldn't purposely, but I can't say that I haven't seriously thought about it. At one point I told him, "I want to punch you in your face, and walk away." At this point, I am still angry, but have decided to do a 180, all of my anger and hurt is going towards cleaning, exercising, spending more time with my daughter. Trying to figure out what is best for our future. I have tried to keep my mind preoccupied with other things. It's easier at times then it others.

I love the idea of a punching bad!


DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not on dday, a couple months later

He called me stunning.

He had never called me that he only called his whore that.

Holy fuck I'm insanely angry now

Ciao


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ripped his shirt he was wearing between my hands while we were talking. It didn't hurt him but the shirt is a rag.

I buy and launder his clothes and it made me angry OW saw and touched them. I also cut the bottom of one of his pockets so things would fall out. I told him after something fell out. He didn't get mad and was prob thankful that was all I did to his clothes...

Side note: I was watching the show Cheaters and one BW told her WH thru tears that she washed his clothes that he was wearing when she confronted him. And I could relate to her feeling.

[This message edited by whattheh at 6:20 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 482 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OldCow18, Ima gonna give props to you for owning your own shit. It's hard isn't it? When you make the choice to restrain your "physical" expressions of rage, it naturally turns within, right? Like, why'd I choose this loser motherfucker?

Laying your beating yourself up for that out there is the next step, and I'd say, don't be too hard on yourself. In fact, I'd say, embrace your rage. Cooly.
It's the only way I know how to process this, so it's the only thing I can tell you.

If anyone else reading this feels exultation, if it's not followed by shame, reverse the genders here, to get an idea.
(or call me. I can kick ass and I got frens.)

<<<jj, prone to wimmenz violence


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
hobbeskat
♀ Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When he left me telling me he didn't love me just 5 months after our wedding, but wouldn't tell me he'd cheated, but met up with me, kissed me but then told me he didn't want me to get the wrong idea while he sat stony as I sobbed as I could not understand what was happening, we had drinks and I lost it and hit him. He had, all day, been saying I should. I felt like I was losing my mind. Its no excuse and it hasn't happened since, even after he told me about his affair. I think I was desperate for a reaction. I've made a pact with myself being no new hurts and it means that I take responsibility for how I deal with this. Anger, pain, sadness, but no violence and no lashing out.

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 7:04 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get the rage, I do. I burned my FWH's clothesin the driveway the morning after our second Dday. I've drank so much vodka to numb the rage and pain I made myself sick. I've screamed, said vile things.

I will never lay a hand on someone else in anger. I just can't.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
divergurl
♀ New Member
Member # 39480
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you!! I don't even Really remember doing it but I had just found out and after an hour or so of crying on the floor I went after him in living room and slapped the shit out of him and kicked him in the balls as he tried to get away!! I am 5' and he is 5'9!! He said he was so scared!! I am not proud of it, it just happened!! It could of been really bad for one or both of us. Some times instinctive rage just takes over and you have no control!! I don't reccomend it to anyone, but I never planned it to happen!!


Me BW 37
WH 38
OW 40+ never married desprate cow
Married 9yrs together 14
DDay may 6/2013
2 kids 7 & 3
Recovery started june 11/13

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: bc, canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You'd think with all the horrible discoveries I've made that I would have decked STBX and laid him out. Instead I lived in such daily terror of him that I kept it all inside & made myself ill (not deliberately, it's just that unexpressed emotions will kill you). I had a hard time even raising my voice to him.

I make no judgments on those who lose control. You just don't know how you're going to react until you're in the moment.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9283 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 55
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