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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: That vibe
HURTAGAIN1981
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Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if this is just me or if it happens to other people too. Sometimes when I look at a profile on OLD or someone sends me a message I get a weird vibe.

Even if there is nothing wrong with their profile. Picture looks fine and normal and they haven't written anything weird or odd. They can seem completely normal, but with some of them, I get this feeling that there is something that isn't quite right and it's a very strong feeling. Can't put my finger on it at all. I am not sure if this is paranoia, but I am not sure how it can be because it only happens with some people and not all.

Does anyone else get this?


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
cayc
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Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well yes, and the opposite too. Although I use the word "aura" lol. The guy I'm dating now? He had an awesome aura - and I can't quite articulate why - and so I contacted him. And indeed that has continued forward.

But for sure I've had the opposite feeling about a profile so I avoided messaging those types. I didn't need a concrete reason, just something didn't feel good was enough.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
tabitha95
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Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean. I'm new to OLD so the whole thing isn't natural feeling to me. But some of the guys on there, I quickly remove from my results. I click on the mouse quickly, with a look of disgust on my face, almost like I'm squashing a bug.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...and the guys whose profile name is "blondehairbigdk" haunts me still.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmm interesting, I wouldn’t discount it, but I’d also look a bit further into it to see if you can pinpoint something. When you have a bad outcome with something, your sympathetic nervous system trains you to feel that way when anything reminds you of that. It can be extremely helpful, but a lot of benign things can still make you trigger. Maybe a smile looks forced and your body is screaming this person is disingenuous, but it could also be the way their hair is parted reminds you of a controlling boss.

Posts: 3267 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
cmego
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Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I have that vibe when I'm looking at profiles.

Usually it is a sentence, or phrase they used that really bothered me.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4037 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
phmh
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Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't get any vibes, but I am hyper aware and pretty picky about things -- for example, I don't date people who show negativity, use words that indicate they're not healed from past relationships, horrendous spelling/grammar (a few typos are OK), call women "girls" in their profile, etc.

I'm with Crescita -- if I were you, I'd be curious to see if you can figure out any reason why you feel like this; to find a pattern.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2011
Harriet
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Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I liked the one where he put a picture of his ex up and wrote in caps: My EX! HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER IN 5 YEARS BY MY CHOICE! Angry much? So bizarre.

I also steer clear of anyone who feels the need to talk about sex in their profile.

[This message edited by Harriet at 9:39 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 390 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yep, I get that too and I used to ignore it. Now I listen to it and feel better about it. Always trust your instincts, which is the "vibe".


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also steer clear of anyone who feels the need to talk about sex in their profile.

I do the same.

I remember looking at one profile that impressed me...then at the bottom was something along the line of:

"You must like long, slow, wet kisses that last for hours. I love to kiss, and I like to kiss in public." All I could imagine was him licking my face at a restaurant...NEXT.

But, sometimes it isn't quite as obvious...just something...off.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4037 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought about this more today. The guy I'm currently seeing off of OLD is the only guy (out of probably 30-40 I chatted with and 15-20 that I met) who I gave me real e-mail address to and shared my last name before the first date.

So maybe there was some sort of vibe with him. And his pictures did not in any way do him justice. I wasn't that excited about meeting him the first time (as opposed to a few others who turned out to be duds) but perhaps my subconscious did pick up on something.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2011
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But for sure I've had the opposite feeling about a profile so I avoided messaging those types. I didn't need a concrete reason, just something didn't feel good was enough.

This is kinda what I mean. It doesn't matter who they are or what they look like. Obviously I avoid the ones with a series of pictures of them drinking beer or them with their arms draped over a girls shoulder in a club I don;t bother at all with the ones I don't even find remotely attractive at all, but some of those can seem normal and nice (just not my type) and some just seem very off for no reason whatsoever. Same with the ones I am attracted to.


...and the guys whose profile name is "blondehairbigdk" haunts me still.

Oh there are plenty of those aren't there?!? They usually start the conversation with a "Hi babe x" NO!!!

Hmm interesting, I wouldn’t discount it, but I’d also look a bit further into it to see if you can pinpoint something. When you have a bad outcome with something, your sympathetic nervous system trains you to feel that way when anything reminds you of that. It can be extremely helpful, but a lot of benign things can still make you trigger. Maybe a smile looks forced and your body is screaming this person is disingenuous, but it could also be the way their hair is parted reminds you of a controlling boss.

This got me thinking. I really can't pinpoint anything right now. I've been thinking about it today. I can see no reason at all on these profiles but there has to be something right? Not sure how you can get a vibe from someone through the internet


My 'vibe' has proven me correct again though. I got this vibe from someone who messaged me yesterday which is why I made this post. And he is proving to be a bit nuts and is the very one who I posted about last night, the one who thinks that when we meet, for the first time might I add (yeah as if that's gonna happen now) that I should agree not to meet anyone else from the dating site and see how it goes with one person first (him). Nah!!


yep, I get that too and I used to ignore it. Now I listen to it and feel better about it. Always trust your instincts, which is the "vibe".

I think I will! It's definitely there for some reason or other.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

phmh,

I get that too! The anti-vibe if you will, which kinda lets you know the person is 'safe' and won't turn out to be a nutjob!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 13

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