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User Topic: I informed OW of my std
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When all my second tests came back, I contacted MOW and told her everything came back negative. I didn't know if she got tested or not, what her status was with her own WS; but thought I should tell her. Her response at first was "I wasn't worried". I explained to her I wasn't trying to be an ass, I wasn't throwing accusations around, I was just telling you what my results were"

It actually helped me feel better that I could tell her without bringing myself down to a low level, and it made her feel like I wasn't going to attack her either. Something important to me living in a small town.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 16 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 206 | Registered: Aug 2013
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't make him look like an ass. He IS an ass.

Rebreather got it.

Do take care of yourself. You don't need to hear from him about this. You did the right thing.

Be gentle with yourself. Be fierce protecting yourself from him and his toxicity.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what I find absolutely hilarious in this situation is that he is more concerned about the fact that he looks like an ass and building a "I didn't know" defense than the health of his wife OR the OW who was apparantly so special and so much more important than his wife. I is amazing how selfish some people can be.

It is isn't it. A typical Narcissist.

Spelljean you will be onto much better things ahead in life. Forget these two losers


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't have to "make" him look like an ASS, he did a pretty good job all by himself.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 607 | Registered: Jul 2012
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something in him has snapped the past couple of days.

possibly some MAJOR defogging happening in him now. And I imagine every WS probably reacts differently to de-fogging. He is becoming beligerant and verbally abusive.

Which he will no doubt feel great regret for in about 24 hours, but that's his problem now.

What is it about real consequences that makes them pissed at the BS? Why does he think he and she will just slink away unnoticed and unscathed?

Yes, he is humiliated now. (I know just what that feels like) And now he has to do damage control. Big time. And he feels like an asshole in front of so many. And now he has to deal with the fact that he mayhave passed an STD to someone, one that often isn't curable and can have long term consequences. But that fact doesn't bother him. Its that he LOOKS like a real jerk.

He has to accept his reputation is in the dumps right now.

OW has to accept that she may have some health consequences possibly now.

They both have to accept that I really wasn't their rival or their problem. They created their own mess. I am not at fault because I brought things to light.

OW also has to accept the fact that WH is a compulsive liar, emotionally abusive and now she is getting her fair share of it, and he never honestly, truly cared for her other than in a superficial way.

The thing is, they can both recover and do better as people in the future if they choose. I don't think they are the scum of the earth, I think they made horrible, painful choices and have to deal with the fallout.

Its part of maturing, of gaining wisdom. Its part of developing real empathy for other people. They can learn from it and do better next time, or they can choose to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Possible t/j

I got HPV from OW. There is NO way in this lifetime that I will contact her. I NEVER want ANY contact!! My H knows, and it is one of the things he can't forgive himself for. Knowing the risk I am at with cancer in my family history.

The fact that your H cares more about himself and his rep rather than you...well, you know where his heart truly is.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's totally reasonable to have told her. I cannot believe the lengths people will go through to make themselves look good.>.<
I accidentally told the last OW. She and I were supposedly best friends. We were having one of those intimate little chats that close friends have and I told her that I'd gotten both HPV and herpes from my H but that I'd known about them when we got together and it was a conscious choice on my part. I then went on to tell her the horrors of how, within just a couple months, the hpv advanced to the stage right below cancer and I explained all the exciting pain of getting shots in your cervix and having a LEEP procedure done etc...the look on her face was priceless.
I had no idea that they were cheating. I told her all that innocently and I wondered why she looked so horrified and was upset afterwards.
The cool part is that as of my most recent testing, I have cleared the hpv entirely.
The whole thing is just sick. Thinking they are on love but not telling e AP about their std's. Not protecting their wives. Not even protecting themselves!
Grrrr....


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got my HPV from my first husband's mistress. Or maybe he was just a carrier.

Very common, but everyone reacts differently to it. My body sure didn't like it.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Losttransport
♀ Member
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spell jean I'm proud for you. You stood up and did the right thing in an age where so many won't. Embarrassing for your WH, so be it, but a very classy move to make OW aware.


Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the right thing. Morally. Its her fault for not protecting herself and his fault for not telling her.

The comment he made sounds like idiot boy...he is still seeing her or at least not nc.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8212 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 30
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