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Newest Member: gia1008 (44614)

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User Topic: I informed OW of my std
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had HPV for at least 20 years, and had the cervical dysplasia and cryosurgery since it was a high risk strain. It never cleared totally from my body. I told WH to advise OW last year, but apparently he didn't.

I emailed OW today because I felt it was the right thing to do. Was I out of line?? WH said today 'I can't believe you sent her that."

How could he have not told her though? He knew, and I reminded him last year.

It spreads easily and is very common, but regardless I would want to know if I was exposed.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course you did the right thing. He didn't tell her because STD's only happen to other people and it's easier to put the blinders on and not let reality interfere with the fantasy.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3849 | Registered: Dec 2011
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were not out of line. WH should have done this before having sex with OW.

WH is probably embarrassed. As he should be


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very gently, Jean, why on earth did your H talk to you about this? Either he is NC with the OW or you are NC with him, right?

No good will come of him being the center of two women. It has only hurt you for the past year.

NC! NC! NC!


Posts: 752 | Registered: Sep 2010
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she must have told him I advised her about it. Not sure. I'm sure he's not NC with her. I am NC with OW, but sent a quick email about this last night to her only.

He just sent me an angry text this morning saying I made him look like an ass again.

That is his main concern. Not a woman's possible future health. Not ethics. His embarrassment.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He just sent me an angry text this morning saying I made him look like an ass again.

Sorry, but this cracked me up. This just tells you everything you need to know about your WH.

You did the right thing. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 10:57 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5631 | Registered: Aug 2007
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't make him look like an ass. He IS an ass.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6353 | Registered: Jan 2011
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He made himself look like an ass.

You did the right thing.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1058 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she must have told him I advised her about it. Not sure. I'm sure he's not NC with her.

Now you can be quite sure he is still in contact with her. That should make moving forward easier.


Posts: 752 | Registered: Sep 2010
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's bombarding me with texts he is that angry.

Maybe I will block him.

he claims now he never knew I had this. Such BS!

He's in denial he ever knew. Guess he's just building a defense for OW. "my wife never informed me, blah blah"

Plus when he first moved out in October, I told him about it again. That there isn't a specific test for him to take but that he could pass it to another woman. He dismissed it and didn't want to discuss it.

I did my part and informed him yet again. He obviously chose not to tell her.

ridiculous. In delivery of my daughter, the doctors discussed it with him in the room, (about avoiding transmission if possible to the baby) He was right there.

I told him about my cryosurgery, my cervical dysplasia, and he knnew why I was going in for frequent pap smears. I mean, where was this guy for 20 years?

[This message edited by Spelljean at 11:28 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's a lying liar who lies. Period.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6353 | Registered: Jan 2011
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Spelljean)))

I would block him.

It is time to start to disengage. You know what is needed to know. You have informed OW.

Get a lawyer and let them do their job.

He is a first class douche. Do not waste another minute of your time in circular arguments with an asshole. Have confidence in your knowledge. Get comfortable in knowing what you know. He can send you as many texts as his dumbass can think up. Volume is not the measure of truth.

You deserve better. Step back from him and start to take care of YOU. I know that sounds trite, but if you start giving the attention and effort you have focused on him to yourself, you can and will begin again.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3152 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

spelljean, I am simply staggered by the level of cruelty your WH is exhibiting towards you right now.

You caught him and actually read his e-mails to the OW - anyone with a brain could imagine how painful that was (but not him obviously) - and now, he is lying to your face, and accusing you of lying to OW that he knew about the std, when you both know that he knew) ...and yet he is the one who is saying he is angry at you and bombarding you with texts? spelljean, this is just pure mental cruelty. Block this arsehole right now.


I can't write any more or I will end up thrown off these boards if I said what I really think about him and what he's doing. The quicker this total creep is out of your life the quicker you will heal.


((((spelljean))))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1856 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you-- I haven't heard from him since I told him to leave me alone.

He was getting verbally abusive to me. I said to him that his embarrssment isn't as important as informing someone of something serious they were exposed to.

I know its a common STD and maybe she already has a strain of it herself but thats not the point. I would want her to tell me.

I mean, health clinics tell you to advise any and all of your sex partners about something you have. In the interest of public health.

And I figured I was probably just giving OW info that WH already told her....but apparently he didn't. I specifically told him in October to tell her. And that condoms weren't very effective all the time with HPV.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've done your part to tell her. Let it go. Let his reaction go. Let it all go because it simply doesn't matter anymore.

If you get anymore mean texts, block him. Don't tell him you are blocking him, don't game it up, just do it.

Move on with your fantastic life. Leave him to be cruel to someone else. You have a better life coming.


Posts: 752 | Registered: Sep 2010
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

spelljean, you don't need to keep explaining your reasons to us - that's just him making you feel paranoid - you did the right thing by telling her. He should have been the one to tell her but he didn't. He was the one who owed her that. No matter what you think of her, you've done right by her. Now she knows to get herself checked. Stop letting him make you doubt yourself. You are the only one of the three of you that can hold your head up. Let them to be now - they deserve each other.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1856 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right. Thank you.

I did let him get to me this morning.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the idea of blocking him, honey. No matter how much he throws your way, you are not the target.

Shields up. ((((sj))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24789 | Registered: Aug 2011
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what I find absolutely hilarious in this situation is that he is more concerned about the fact that he looks like an ass and building a "I didn't know" defense than the health of his wife OR the OW who was apparantly so special and so much more important than his wife. I is amazing how selfish some people can be.

I can't even!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't make him look like an ass. He IS an ass.

I concur!

Edited to give props to Rebreather

[This message edited by StillLivin at 2:30 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2210 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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