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User Topic: Insecure crazy thoughts...
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feeling old, plain and like shit.

Irrational thoughts that if i was

- white
- had big boobs
- curvy
- had long hair
- dressed differently

That wh would see me, want me.

Its ridiculous. I know plz no 2x4..
Im ripping myself a new one already.

Just insecure and feeling like shit as my birthday approaches. Not looking forward to turning 37. I feel like the last 5 yrs is a blur and like i went to sleep 32 and safe then woke up almost 37 and lost....

I suppose im having my own pre mid life crisis. Dont worry no push up bras or hoochie mama outfits in my future. I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide from the world.

I know there will always be someone prettier, younger, bigger boobs etc. that I need to be ok with me.

Ughhhh


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sunflowergirl30)))

Oh honey love yourself!!
Be the best you can be...

That said go do your fav thing today! Treat yourself..

We have all been where you are....


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3136 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday is next week and I'm right there with you! The rational part of me says it wouldn't matter - heck my MC had a model in his office once whose H had an affair - but the emotional side of me just won't listen. *sigh*

Happy Birthday to us both!!!! We are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2013
BrighterFuture
♀ Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your insecurities because I feel the same. My ex cheated with a skinnier and younger white gal while I'm black and pregnant having gained weight from my first pregnancy. I feel insecure about myself and body. My vajay jay is stretched out from giving birth and my boobs sag from breastfeeding. No wonder he had no remorse when I found out. I'm not good enough


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 260 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to add to this thread cause it is so depressive, but yes, I do feel like this as well at times. Ugly, skinny, stupid, ....the list goes on. If only I had money, career, muscles, ..etc.etc. she would want me more. watever.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its just that the women my wh seems to be attracted to look NOTHING like me.

Im olive skinned petite, fine boned, small breasted. Keep my hair in a trendy bob. Im more boy shaped.

Ow:
- white
- older
- longer hair
- big boobs

cougar types...the women he looks at are that type young and older.

I know im attractive but im not "that" type.

Its twisted..lol. When I try to dress up or etc. wh complains. He wants to look at women who look a certain way dress a certain way but he doesnt want me his wife to dress or look that way. He doesnt want me to stand out.

Im just feeling insecure.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to get up, shower and say

"Fuck it"

I can be sad and poopy or cheer up and enjoy my day as best I can.

Wish my brother was here. I need a big hug.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though in my head I agree with HeartAche, it is hard to ignore.

Apparently, I need to be 23, 5ft tall, small chested, and pear shaped.

I am none of those, so I am going to be the best me!


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 394 | Registered: Jul 2013
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started to do a video introduction for my online course yesterday, and jeepers! Did I ever look old and tired in the webcam, and my first thought was, no wonder FWH had an A.

What an awful thing to think. So this thread got me thinking about looks and comparisons.

OW is 11 years younger, a bottle blond. My hair is naturally silver.

FWH has always claimed to prefer large-busted women. I am large-busted. OW is small.

FWH loves long hair. He hates it when my hair is shorter than shoulder length. OW has very short permed hair.

Both OW and I are somewhat overweight.

OW is tall. I am short.

I am white, OW is very white (Swedish origin).

What does this add up to? Not much. I don't think any of this matters. We can beat ourselves up over looks all we want, but it's not the reason any WH has an A. The OW was available and willing, and I don't think it mattered much what she looked like.

So let's not get down on ourselves because we're too short or tall, of a different race, long or short haired, fat or thin, large or small busted, or anything else. The A is not about our physical "deficiencies", but about our WH's brokenness.

We are fine just the way we are.

But it is hard not to make comparisons, isn't it?


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 18 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 315 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday is today and I am feeling all theses things. OW is 12 years younger than me. And even though the only way I would describe her looks would be white trash, she is much thinner and has big boobs. H always told me he wasn't a boob guy :(


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through ???
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 650 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh cheated on me with a woman whos 13 yrs older than us but actually looks 20yrs older us. Who has a manly face. I have beat this drum and beat this drum.

I know it came down to..she was decent enough and available and would let him have me and her.

Im just insecure over wh being such a dog.

Honestly with his mind set and behavior no decent woman attractive or not would want him.

Lol, why do I?

Damn...


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
nestlee
♀ Member
Member # 39871
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday...I'm sure U are a beautiful woman inside and out. Don't be down. Enjoy your B.D..
Go out and treat your self .


A woman needs a man..Like a fish needs a Bycicle.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Canada
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what the rules are about referencing other people, but I always remind myself that Billy Bob Thornton had an affair when he was married to Angelina Jolie (according to tabloids, anyway). It is not about what we look like. It is really not about what the AP looks like, either. We know this in our heads, and yet I, too, absolutely struggle with feeling old, ugly and stretched out since my H 'prefers' (preferred) to be attractive to 20 somethings.

You are not defined by your H, and your beauty is not defined by what choices your H makes for himself.

(hugs)


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 572 | Registered: Jul 2013
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..hey, sunflower..

..having seen your pics in F&G, I must protest and disagree with you about your appearance..

..you're a GREAT looking woman by anyone's standards!

..as we've so often heard, beauty is only skin deep.. white, olive, brown, black... green

..as for being 37.. crap, I'd kill to be 37 again..

..you could have 'big boobs' if you wanted them, but would you want the back pain that comes with them?? ask any large breasted woman about some of the down sides..

..make the most out of what you've got.. it's about "WHO" you are...

..maybe a spa day, and a new outfit will perk up your spirits.. but it still won't change who you are..

be kind to yourself.. your wh doesn't get to judge you by your looks.. screw that shit..

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 11:41 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 66
Her 63
Married 41 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4012 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sunflower and everyone))))

I am sad that you're all down on yourselves. I guess it's normal to do the comparison thing, like 'what has she got that I don't?', and the answer is NOTHING!. I never compared ow to myself. Actually, when I found out who it was (we knew her and her H) I was shocked. Not because of her looks but because she was so cheap, trashy, and easy and I couldn't believe he went for that! The only common thread she and I have is that we're both females.

My H cheated because he was an immature, selfish, narcissistic man, who has an ego the size of North America and he thinks he's 'entitled' to do whatever he pleases, at whatever detrimental cost to anyone else. Because he's so 'special'. LOL!!! He found out that he's just Joe Blow after all. Joke was on him all along. He sold his soul for some "cheap fucks" as he later referred to the A.

SadFlower is right on...

The A is not about our physical "deficiencies", but about our WH's brokenness.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9614 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Ellephantastic
♀ Member
Member # 39833
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 22 years old, big tits and if I do say so myself, very pretty but WBF cheated on me with a 19 year old whorebag with peanuts for tits, MASSIVE front teeth that make her look like a squirrel and a ski slope nose...

There really is no rhyme or reason to it!


BS(me)
WBF = PA
Ow = 19(at the time)
WBF A = 08/10/2012-17/10/2012
D-Day = 24/01/2013

"It was easier for him to hurt me than it was for him to turn her down"


Posts: 75 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Scotland
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FUCK THEM!

Honestly. Fuck them for making any of us feel this way, ever!

I don't care what we look like, what we do for a living, what we wear, our skin or eye color, the level of education, or the size of our boobs. None of it matters. None of it. These OW are non-mother fucking factors. They were and are nothing but dirty holes who were able to boost the egos of these immature, selfish pigs for a little while.

My IC asked me early on, when she was trying to get across to me that this is not a contest between me and him or me and them, she asked me how I define success. I told her that I think you are a successful person if someone will miss you and remember you with nothing but love when you are gone.

You know what? I read on this site every day and I see how we all have great family and friends and kids and how some of us willingly take care of special needs kids or sick parents. I see the request for prayers for friends or family who are sick. I see a member throw out a post asking about another member who hasn't been around in a while.

All of this means that we are all good, loving and successful people. They are not. I don't care if an unremorseful wayward cures cancer - that person will forever be known for how he or she deserted the family. That will follow them until the day they are thrown in the ground. The OW will always be known as a home wrecker and a husband stealer.

Now, compare all of this to a big pair of tits and what do you have? Nothing. They are nothing compared to us.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2497 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 17

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