Same here. I also moved far away from my family & into WH's world when I married him. Also, I lost my mom to cancer when I was a kid, & had always hoped that my MIL would be like a second mother to me.
I certainly treated her the way I would have treated my own mother, with love, kindness & respect. For years I called her daily, tried to include her in our lives, etc.
Unfortunately, she turned out to be
a narcissistic jerk who has to be the only one in control
I have found out that she is an unremorseful WW & OW herself, having cheated on WH's Dad with a married man, & running off with the AP (she took her kids with her)----breaking up 2 families. I guess that's one of the reasons that WH was able to give himself permission to cheat. All of his life he heard from her " I didn't do anything wrong."
Have not had anything to do with my MIL since Dday since she said:
1.” Honey, what do you expect him to do, grovel?”
2. “Honey, I blame you --you drove him to it”
3.” Well honey, if you had kept the house cleaner & worn makeup more, this wouldn't have happened.”
4. “Honey, if you don't take him back, there will be 20 women lined up at the door for him.”
5.” Honey, your children will never forgive you for betraying them if you don't take him back.”
6. “Honey, he HAS to go out for lunch with her alone, they work together.”
7. “Honey, it was just 1 little mistake.”
8. “Get over it honey .
So, I have also had to accept this:
obviously. I am not family. I'm not blood. obviously my WH is blood and regardless of how they feel about his actions-- he's still their family.
I think the thread in JFO "Setting Healthy Boundaries"
is really applicable when dealing with inlaws like this.