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Newest Member: keljoack (44931)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sharing A Bed With WS - Need Input
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok I know this may seem strange but I would like other people's perspective and input on this. I asked WH to sleep in baby's room after I found out. Baby is bunking with me. I felt the physical seperation was needed. So here is my list of reasons why I think for now it's good:
1. It's the only space in the house I can go to be alone.
2. It's hard for me to be with WH some days.
3. I am afraid that if I allow him back in the room too soon we may become complacent in the healing process.
4. Not sure how I feel in general.
5. Some days I want to be close to him and some days I don't.

I am not sure how long I should hold out not sharing our bed. We are working on reconciling yet it's only two weeks post DDay. I let him sleep there last night to see how I felt. I am not complely comfy with the thought of doing it again tonight. My heart starts racing just thinking about it. So please help me see this through someone else's eyes. How do I approach this? How have you dealt with this? This is a big deal to me in many ways.

Thanks in advance for your insight.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MsRukia,

I think you are answering your own question.

I am not completely comfy with the thought of doing it again tonight. My heart starts racing just thinking about it.

I would guess that if he is really interested in R, then he should be able to hear your reasons (#1-5) and accept them. Be open about how you are feeling about it, and revisit it again in the near future.

I am still in a deciding phase with my WS about what we are doing in the near future (R or S), but for now we are in the same bed. I am able to turn away in the bed and pretty much feel like we are in two separate beds. But I am also trying to get myself out of denial that we may be heading for S.

But you seem very clear about your needs. Communicate them.

K


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 696 | Registered: Aug 2013
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What kg said. If your WH is remorseful, he will 1) understand why you feel uncomfortable - right now it feels like sleeping with the enemy, 2) Not want to rush or push you, 3) Understand that you aren't saying that he is staying there forever but your world was just ripped out from under you. A month in another room is nothing and he is lucky that he is still in the house and not on the street.

If you feel like you can handle it, try it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, let him know. Let him know before hand that you are anxious and would like to try sleeping together but there is a chance you will ask him to leave. Don't expect it to feel ok all the time. Sometimes it feels ok in the moment and the next morning. Sometimes not. Sometimes it feels great and then your mind starts going. At two weeks out, it will happen...A LOT. I know a big fear of mine was that allowing my WH to sleep in the bed or have sex with me was that he would take it to mean I was over it.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kicked my husband out for three weeks because he had a place to stay. If he did t I would have done the same thing you are doing. You will know when it is time to I bite him back in. Tough shit if he doesn't like it!


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1437 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the 2nd D-Day I kicked him out of our bedroom. That was only 10 days ago. I do not know when or if he will be back in what was our bedroom. I think it makes me feel in control of the situation. I also do not allow him to kiss or touch me. I am taking one day, sometimes one hour, at a time. He goes to our marriage counselor today, alone. He has to figure out why he did this. It is all on him! He wants to stay married, but I am in limbo. What a mess he has made.


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 5

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