I wish I had a good answer as to why I would betray my beautiful husband but it all sounds like BS. I hate what I have done to him... He no longer looks at me with love in his eyes. HE feels cold to the touch and his silence is deafening. We are in IC and I'm seen a psych as well. Im on meds and I sincerely feel like a different person. I am able to care for my kids who are still so young just 2 & 3... I know its disgusting. I can't get past all the destruction all the hurt and humiliation I've brought onto both of us.
I feel as if I were standing in a huge gaping hole darkness everywhere screaming but just cant be heard. This is the worst kind of hurt I have ever felt. I'm so alone I feel so ashamed. I don't have my family here and I don't really have close friends...The bottom line is, I just wan't my sweet husband back but I fear I have lost him forever.
Me WW 35 BH 33
DDAY 1 April1 2013 DDay2 MAY 2013
You haven't lost him, it's just going to be a long, hard, well-worth journey. Good luck!
Your remorse over the next few years will buy back the trust you carelessly threw away.
That's not to say that the relationship can't be improved. Even with defects, anything can be made better. Have you spent much time understanding the "why"s of your choices? Have you made some effort into fixing the parts of your relationship that caused you to think seeking attention from someone other than your BS was a good idea?