I am sorry you are here.
The best thing I can say to you is this:
Turn off the sound of what your WH is saying. Look back over the last three years as if it were a silent movie. Re-watch his actions. Tune out what he has said about those actions. Just watch.
Three years ago on a dating site. Found him on another dating site. Found receipt for hotel. On another dating site. Met 4 women this year. One several time. A call to his phone and hang up when you answer. Emails about brunch, biking, beach. Coffee, kissing, fondling, sex.....
^^^This is what you know. Do not listen to what he says about the above.
Gently, he is showing you (has shown you) who he is....
If your best girlfriend, daughter, sister, mother, etc..., told you the above story. What would you tell her to do? What actions would you suggest she start to do?
None of this is easy. It is not. It doesn't matter what your WS may have done with his first wife, whether he cheated on her or not. You KNOW what he is doing with you.
What will you do about it? Sadly, people will treat you exactly as you allow them to treat you.
Keep posting. We are here for you. I would start the 180 if I were you. The 180 is for you, not to get any type of reaction from your WS. Start healing yourself so you can take back control of this situation. Here is the link.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11Me BS 42
Him WS 44
DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl