WH to OW...
I hope to do all that to honey.
Subject: Re: Here's my email hons
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 22:11:21 -0700
From OW to WH:
Hey there darlin,
I'm just chillin at the SF airport and thought I'd say hi. Got all checked in, and everything went smoothly. Now I'm waiting until midnight, when they start loading the plane. Even though the flight doesnt leave until 1a, a plane this big takes a while to get everyone on.
Ah, I wish things were all handled and that you were here with me. I had dreams of us, sitting on the beach, with our arms around each other, amongst the palm trees in Bali, watching the sunset into the ocean. (like that photograph that's in my room, the sunset, with the cliff and the temple...that was Bali).
I hope though honey, that we'll have the opportunity to see beautiful sunsets in other far away, exotic, tropical places.
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 15, 2013, at 12:
From WH to OW:
Don't know if you getting this stuff or not. Yes please come by.
Subject: Re: Here's my email hons
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 09:04:00 -
On Aug 14, 2013
From WH to OW:
Hey pretty girl, I know you dont hold back on things and you probly speak your mind a little to much. Please don't lay down threats you better do this or else. I'm working on it. I made an appt with a divorce counciler. As for as when you get back I know some things will be done how much I can't say. I don't like the pressure. I'm trying to get the wheels rolling but unfortunately it takes 2 to get divorced. We have had talks the 2 nights and its all been negative. I know I need to build trust but telling me your going to see other people if I don't have progress is like stabbing me with a big knife. I came to you with a heavy heart and meant what I said.
OW to WH:
Hello my dear,
Ugh, I hate how I can't call, and the only other option of getting in touch with you is 5 minutes if I go by and see you at work. Anyway, I didn't come by and say hi because I don't have much extra time for my break and I would literally just run in and run out...but, sorry hons, I'll say hi next time. :)
So, sorry , but now I have to write all this stuff, because I can't call and it's too in depth to talk about while you are at work :( There is something I need to clarify: The other day I also said that in order for me to build up trust, respect, and faith again in you, I would need to know when things would happen, with dates, and proof, and that "soon" or "it will happen" isn't going to cut it. And you agreed. So, um, I'm not going to sugar coat this...there needs to be serious progress, with hard copy proof, that the divorce is moving forward. and happening by the time I get back from my trip. And if there is not, I will be very disappointed and interpret it as how you are all just talk and no action, and that you really are not serious about moving forward. If there is not progress by the time I come back, I will have no choice but to say, "you live your life, I will live mine and I will date other people, and if the day comes that you do get divorced, you can try getting in touch, but I am not going to wait around any more."
I'm sorry to be so harsh. I hate how I feel like I am in limbo, combined with how I have been let down again and again, how I am fighting back some thoughts that are running wild in my head that you are still telling Lisa something different, and how I am struggling to trust and have faith in what you are telling me, based on what has happened in the recent past. I have to take care of myself and put my foot down like this. I hope you can see where I am coming from and that you understand.
(not to mention, if there is progress, that means we can go to the A's game together. :)
Anyway darling, I still mean everything I said in my previous message. I also hate how every interaction with you lately has been so serious. I really miss my honey and hope we can get back to having all the fun and wonderful times again
OW to WH 8/12/13
So, this is my email address. :) By the way, I'm hoping that Spelljean does not have access to your email account. Sorry, this email is going to be a bit long. I just love putting my thoughts into writing. :)
Anyway, I was thinking about some of the things that we talked about last night. First, I started to feel kind of defensive for you. You talked a lot about how Spelljean wanted you to stay in more, go out with her instead of go to parties, how she stayed in for the sake of being a good mother (though, going out and doing things with a child and/or leaving her with a sitter now and then teaches a child skills and sounds like good parenting to me), and how you gave up a season of racing to be there for her, etc. etc. And then when you did go out, you were the bad guy. I may be out of line here, but it sounds like she wishes you to be a different person. Of course compromise, and giving and taking here and there is important, but essentially she is not happy with the core of who you are. You are a social, fun loving, open for anything person who wants, needs, and values friends, closeness, affection, getting out, and experiencing life. This is WHO YOU ARE, and she does not like it and wants you to change the essence of your being. She wants you be someone you are not. Which makes me upset because I think all of those qualities about you are wonderful and are just some of the reasons that I chose to be with you.
If you told me, "Stop going on your international trips," "Don't hang out with your friends so much," "I don't like how you go out and I want you to stay home," I would feel suffocated, trapped, bored, isolated, and deeply depressed. I would resent you and be angry about how you want to put out this fire that is inside me. This is who I AM, this is ME...and I would refuse to apologize for who I am. I am social, adventurous, and open-minded, and I seek to make connections with people and I want to look back on my life and know that I followed my heart and experienced as much as I could with what the world has to offer. And I will do whatever I can to stay true to ME...which includes being with a partner who loves all parts of who I am and shares some similar qualities. Anyway, my point is, I like who you are, and I hope you do too.
I was also thinking about when I asked you what you have learned from this whole thing. Well, I was thinking about one of the major things I have learned: listen to my inner voice.
I think about when we first met. My inner voice said "you need to go for it, if you want a good guy, he is it." And when things started to go wrong, my inner voice said, "something is not right, something is off." And now, my inner voice is saying, "we are not over; this is not the end." I think your inner voice is saying something similar about me? Beneath all the fear, guilt, shoulds, and obligations; beneath the influences of what other people say and think, all the what-if scenarios, and all the thoughts racing in our heads...beneath all of that is the True Self, the Authentic Self, the inner voice.
That inner voice is The Truth, it does not lie. Being aware of it and listening to it will never lead you astray. This is where you come in. If one person is listening to the inner voice and the other is still being controlled by fear and other external forces, then all this pushing and pulling happens. (For example, just think about how great we were together...yet you said it yourself, you allowed guilt and fear to get the best of you, thus all of your inner conflict with yourself, and conflict with me).
So, the point is I hope, God, baby, I hope so badly that you will do all the things you say you will do. Despite all that has happened, I see that a bright, happy, and joyful future with you is still possible. Something inside me is saying that this isn't over, and the rest is up to you to make it happen. Your foot is in the door. I am here.
[This message edited by Spelljean at 3:55 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.
All the while looking back on this man who I used to love and wondering "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?".
Let him be her problem now. Once you see them you cannot unsee them. As you can see there isn't a lot of trust there and quite a bit of manipulation.
I for one am happy to be drama free. I'm sorry that I needed to see this kind of thing to get to a place of DONE but I sure am glad that I did.
That's just awful to read. I hope you leave this wretched mess of soulless idiots to their demise.
Called WHs dad tonight. He is sick over it all too.
The abuse of these lies. I want you wife. I love you wife. She is out of the picture honey. Its just you and me baby fom now on. No more OW. MC yes of course.
Then emails today! Her insulting my parenting ability, Ms. Single, no kids, c***. Yes, heaven forbid i ask my husband to stay home and help me instead of going out again for the 4th time that week. I really suck as a mom, dont I honey? (plus WHs mom used to babysit plenty....he exaggerated)
[This message edited by Spelljean at 3:07 AM, August 17th (Saturday)]
I am so sorry. Now you know. What he is doing is awful.
You are doing the right thing and you deserve more.
What the OW says about you is loathsome! Authentic self, my ass. She obviously has no kids and is probably too selfish to ever have any.
Fact is, most of us parents are all of or some of a majority those things. Having children changes that....for a time. You are not asking him not to be authentic. You are asking him to be a parent.
Hugs, Speljean. Your new beginning awaits you. Be strong. Godspeed!
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
He deserves her. Time for 180. Texts and emails only, have someone else read them if you can't restrain yourself from responding to issues beyond kids and finances.
Imagine the self-centered attitude it takes to say that you shouldn't expect him to stay home after all this. He should be by your bedside, holding your hand as you heal from the Mack truck they drove into you.
That inner voice is The Truth, it does not lie.
After all her pontificating about truth, I truly hope she got a real good dose of it with your e-mail to her spelljean.
Look, these two are literally as bad as each other and they make me puke the both of them. You're the only one with any dignity and class here. I'm glad that you have outed your WH to everyone else too - let them all know what a truly pathetic, cheating, and shameless liar he really is.
Spelljean, you have my thoughts. (((Hugs)))
I would love to see the e-mail you sent to them both, Spelljean.
I am so sorry that you had to see this. Stay strong, you can do this, you are an exceptional woman.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
She accused me of attempting to change WHs core character, yet she wrote him many lists of exactly how he needs to behave with her. Accusing me of attempting to control him...yet she treats him like a puppet and he falls for it every time.
Blatant hypocrite. Her and her environmental causes and her talk of protecting the planet. Her 500 plus friends on FB all to boost her obvious self esteem issues. She makes me sick. As does he.
You know the score. And so do others, now.
At this point, there's no need to cause yourself further injury.
Get on with the divorce.
Unfortunately, they often do not have the intestinal fortitude to break if off with OW right away. They try to let them down easy, not hurt their feelings, etc. Don't try to understand the thinking, it will just make your head hurt. Or maybe your WH is just a cake eater. Either way you are doing the right thing. Stay strong!
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
And then he'll cheat on her too. Bet she'll be singing a whole different tune then. It'll actually be a total crap-shoot on whether he or she is the first to cheat.
Those emails suck.
He told her that he wanted to share beautiful sunsets with her.
Send his ass packing and don't look back.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
If she's so together, why is she out screwing around with a married man? People who have a healthy understanding of themselves and relationships don't feel the need to poach.
Sometimes it seems like people who are lying and cheating spend an awful lot of time talking about being true to themselves, authentic, honest, doing the right thing... I have discovered if you are truly living that way, you don't need to constantly remind people of it and discuss it to no end - you are just doing it.
I'm sorry you were subjected to this trashy dribble.
It's obvious to me that the OW is extremely manipulative and has made it her goal to get what she wants and that is your husband. Reading those emails it's so blatant how she is trying to paint herself as the perfect partner for your husband. She actually stated she saw him and wanted him and went after him. She is a controlling troll. You can see how she is manipulating him but your H is allowing himself to be manipulated.
I'm sorry. Please protect yourself. Take care of yourself and consult with your attorney. He's living in a delusional world and you are living in reality. You must decide your own future. Take control for yourself. You can't fix him. He must fix himself.