I had hobbies, I had spunk, I had confidence.
Now, I don't. I am not really sure why 100%, but a lot has to do with the fact that I had to ask permission, open my soul up, and wait, hope and pray that everything I am doing is good enough.
It's easier to be a home bum then to go through the trigger inducing anything...but I am a 'doer' and I feel like I am losing the strong, confident person i was before.
We just got our horses, and I actually hate going out to mess with them alone. I dont like taking my phone cause I can't afford a new one if it breaks, but yet, If DH calls and I don't answer it then he immediatly thinks i am with someone on the side.
How do I get my confidence and individuality back without possibly triggering Dh all the time?
Uggh. It sucks.
It makes me feel better that I'm not alone. I hope it makes you feel better that you aren't alone.
Horses are good for the soul. Feed yours.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Even my non-horse-crazy H has commented on how calming it is to be around them.
For me, there are times that I can only spend 15 minutes out there with them (and they are about 20 minutes away from my current home) but even that is such a boost to my morale and puts me in a much better place.
Talk to your DH and run Skan's idea by him. I hope that you two can come up with a solution that works for you both.
We dont have a ton of trust yet, we have only had them for 2 weeks, and he was abused by a previous owner, so he has some issues with some training that I would like to do.
After 2 weeks I finally got licks out of a lunge session, its a start....but I feel like i am so small when I alone there.
I have turned to DH for so many cues in my new exisitance that when I go out on my own i feel like I am just going to forget everything I have learned. Not slip up and cheat again - no, that's a lesson well learned. But just the little things that can make and break the R.