So I recently posted on the R forum, that I don't know how to deal with the fact that the AP was sent off by my H with a positive note nearly a year ago. That I wanted her to know how he really feels.
I wrote a letter. He said he would write one too. But, it was agreed upon by my SI supporters that it would not be a good idea to send it.
1. It would give her the satisfaction that she still bothers me.
2. She is too stupid to have the affair, she is too stupid to understand the letter.
The italic portion was borrowed from two other letters. Sorry, searched who I borrowed them from-can't find it but you said it so well what I too felt. Hope it is okay.
Sorry it is long:
I know I said that after I told you to stay away from my husband, I would never bother you again. That was before I realized that I focused on why you did it, what are your intentions, and to warn you to stay away. Now I want to focus on what we feel about you.
You are a home wrecker. This is where my strong emotions lie with you.... You had a choice and you knew how devastating it can be to a family and you still went forward. You threatened my children’s right to have a normal happy childhood with married parents. You said you had strong regards for the family unit. How could that be, when you chose to go after a married man and father? You tried to steal the father of my children from them. You took away time that he should have been spending with them with your non-stop texting. Bothering and interfering with our home life. For that, you will never get forgiveness.
You chose to pursue my husband. You bombarded him with needy text messages. You bugged him every minute of every day-every morning. He threw you under the bus. Stating that you constantly bugged him about your inabilities at work and about whether or not everyone hated you. Obviously, you had/have some self-esteem and self-confidence issue. Duh…going after men like you do will never fill that void. Sure, it was nice for him to feel needed for a while (I don’t need that constant ego boosting), but it got old.
Don’t play like you had no idea that the two of you were engaged in an affair. You don’t share the information you shared with my husband and text with him 1,200 times in one month without knowing you were having an affair. I have the phone logs, I have read the messages on his phone and on FB.
You chose to go after my husband, because your boyfriend bored you or was bored with you. You intended to have a sexual relationship with my husband. Why else would you flirt with him so shamelessly? From his mouth and your co-workers. Why else would you share your sexual information with BFF to relay to my husband? It is your problem and your boyfriend’s problem if you did not have sex in over a month. I guarantee that was not an issue with my husband and I. I could only speculate why the two of you had those problems. He chose to stay with me when you tried to bring the relationship to the next level.
Why else would you share on numerous occasions your relationship abuse issues like my husband was going to be your Knight in Shining Armor? Well, he abandoned you didn’t he?! You got too needy for him. He said you were like a new Christmas toy. Fun at first (you didn’t require anything from him but and ego boost), but then he got bored. Other than your attention- you had nothing to offer. You guys didn’t even have anything in common. That is all you have to offer…flirting in a fantasy world. All you gave him was a poisoned apple to bite into that was rotten to the core. It destroyed his respect, trust, and his self worth. Sure, it seemed like carefree fun as you two destroyed each other. Shameful
You have NO right to ruin other people’s lives with your own relationship issues. My husband needed you as an ego boost, when he was going through his mid-life crisis. Something you will not experience in 10 yrs since you are obviously going through it all the time. He only liked the drug of your attention (not you or he would have gone after you when you started in November).
You need to grow-up, who abandons their daughter with their boyfriend so she can go out with a married man and meet other men too when she is out with him? Desperate ones. Especially when you said that part of the reason for the affair was that your boyfriend was busy with his new job and you were lonely.
Who has two evenings in one week to spend with their boyfriend and then leaves them to chase other men? Deceitful ones.
Who goes after a man after smiling and engaging his children (7month old son and 2yr old daughter) multiple times at his work place (including meeting his wife)? Disgusting ones.
Who goes after their boss and brings their other boss in on it? Unprofessional ones. I have been hating BFF too much, when I should have been hating you. But, I don’t….I feel sorry for you and pity you for never having what I have. A normal marriage with a smattering of stupidity from a man who has bent over backwards to prove himself to me, his family, and his children.
I know he told BFF some things about you. He denies it now. It was the fantasy, the drug of your attention. If he truly was attracted to your looks (which he says is plain and you have man hands) he would have noticed you way before August.
To him and I, you are an emotional leech…ugly on the inside and outside.
If he has been nice, he said it was only to keep everyone from fighting and being uncomfortable on his part. He doesn’t give a shit about how you or BFF feels. He wishes you would drop off the face of the Earth.
You bring nothing but regret, pain, and shameful memories. He doesn’t think highly of you. He doesn’t think the world of you. He doesn’t wish he would have gone further with you (a relationship of anything but texting would have sucked he said because you are too selfish). He doesn’t think you were beautiful. He doesn’t wish he could have gotten to know you better (he knows enough-you are too needy).
At this point you are saying out loud…I don’t know you. You are right, I don’t. Nor do I ever want to. What I do know and see leaves little to be desired. I do know my husband wishes he never knew you.
I know through the grapevine that you and BFF told people that nothing ever happened. That, I am a jealous crazy wife that doesn’t like her husband talking to other women. That is fine, I don’t care what any of them think. Most of them know the truth, besides the fact that I allow my husband to work at a job with mostly all women….they can draw up their own conclusions. Because, in the back of the minds of those that don’t know…they will always wonder if you are a home wrecking whore.
You told me it was just a mistake. We both know that it wasn’t one mistake. It was premeditated. It was hundreds of conscience decisions that you made knowingly and selfishly. Every time you sent a text or message, it was a conscience decision to engage. I told you before that I hold you 50% responsible for the affair and your actions. You had a choice. When you decided to participate, you choose to be part of my life forever. I did not choose you. You were afraid that I would be crazy and ruin your life. You were wrong. You ruined your own life the moment you decided to engage with a married man. I hope you learned your lesson. The next married woman, may just ruin your life.
I can hold my head up high with dignity and look at myself in the mirror with pride. I do not need other people to build me up. Can you? Good luck in cleaning that black stain from your soul.