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User Topic: Did I Really Do It?
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Content  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I NEVER thought in a million years I would have the courage to file for legal separation.
I did it, I didn't cry, and I'm waiting for the call to go sign the official paperwork tomorrow or Monday.
I even proofread it, found multiple corrections and changes I wanted.
I'm even asking for a fair share.
This is a big step. When everything went down, I was crushed and didn't want to hurt "him" by asking for too much.
I gave up my career to be a better mother to my amazing stepsons and to be able to be there more for him as a wife.
Hah, when he manipulated me into that decision, he was already into his A. Selfish bast@rd!!!
I'm rightoous, and though I still break down, it's not as often and I still carry through with resolve what's best for me.
I would love nothing better than for him to come to his senses, seek out counseling, and finally tell me something, anything.
And, yes, I got that crap Iloveyoubut...
I did get my real husband back for about 6 weeks, but then he went back to being a stranger.
I'm still in love with him...when he is him that is. And I will be very much in love with him when I drive to the office and sign the papers.
I'm resolved to file the D papers when he returns for good in December from his deployment. And I will cry, and I will still be in love then. But I'm learning to love me more and quit enabling him. I can't fix him for him, he has to want to do that.
Gave it all to God, and that helped tremendously.
Also, the support and knowledge gained from SI.

Oh, and I have been 180ing his @$$ for the past hmmmm several days. Wow, he is calling and texting and emailing. Me, nada nada nada.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 5:21 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((StillLivin)))


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 894 | Registered: Jun 2012
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I'm learning to love me more and quit enabling him.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope to be there soon. Proud of you...and kind of envious of your courage to take the big step.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Signed the paperwork!

Oh, and thank you, everybody!

Aching, but not tormented inside!

180 is my new best friend. I read it several times a day and check each item.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillLivin, you're my new hero!!


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tee hee hee
Attorney's office just called me. Wanted to clarify that it was a covenant marriage!
Yeppers. Covenant marriage.
Her response: Do you want me to list the valid reason for submitting for legal separation???
Me: Yes, adultery. His part not mine.
Now it's in court in black and white and I no longer feel like it is MY shame.
It never was, but I used to partly blame myself. I wasn't pretty enough (definitely not true), I was too fat (I was, untreated diabetes. Now 50 pounds lighter after being properly diagnosed and treated).
I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm loyal, I'm decent, loving, honest, faithful, and just all around good.
And I read 180 several times a day to keep myself in balance. I will remind myself of all of my best qualities so as not to ever doubt my self worth again!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!!!!I am so proud of you and your new found self-worth. It will get you through the hard times and don't ever let anyone ever tell you differently. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admire your strength and envy the place you are at with yourself. I hope to get there someday and hope that I have the courage you've shown if and when the time comes for me to make that decision.
hugs to you!


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admire your strength and envy the place you are at with yourself. I hope to get there someday and hope that I have the courage you've shown if and when the time comes for me to make that decision.
hugs to you!


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, all.

But, honestly, I don't feel very strong right now.

Right now I've had a big big fall, and I'm just getting up.

I'm still working towards dusting myself off.

Deep down, I've always had my self worth, I put it in a box and closed the drawer. I thought putting up with his shit was what a good wife was supposed to do.

It took finding out about the affair before I finally started looking at the whole situation in the right light. And, that was, what was HE doing to be a good h.

The first 2 years, he was truly a great h. He lost his daughter, spiraled into a massive depression. When he came out, he wasn't the same person anymore. I made excuses for him and tried to "stand by my man".

Thing was, he was dragging me further and further into crazy land.

I'm not strong, but I'm gonna get back up there some day!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 12

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