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User Topic: Your Footprint...
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DS)))

Your footprint on this world is undeniable. I know sometimes things happen that shake us up, but I know you will find your footing again and realize what a remarkable and kind person you are and how many lives (and generations, as was mentioned) you have left your footprint on.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36633 | Registered: Sep 2007
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you guys

Its' funny, the other day I was on my morning walk and one of our neighbors joined me (I had to slow wayyyyyy down since he's in his late 70's) and we were chatting about all sorts of things and some how got on the subject of dying.

I told him that I'm not afraid of actually dying...its the process leading up to it that I'm scared of. So I always like to make sure the house is clean and organized because if I die suddenly I don't want anyone to think I was a bad housekeeper

He put his arm around me and said "dear DS, once you're gone the only thing that will matter is how much the ones left behind will always love you and miss you" then he hugged me and lit a cigarette

I suppose he's right along with all of you...I really shouldn't focus so much on what people will think of me but more of how they will remember me

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:54 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196506 | Registered: May 2002
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all, how could you even question your footprint? This site is testimony to the lives that you and MH have lived. You're just a google away from immortality

What happened yesterday and the events that unfolded really made me start to question my life and what I'm actually doing here.

We all have moments like this in one form or another, but in the grand scheme of things, unless you're planning on coming back as a ghost to haunt us, I don't think you have to worry about what anyone thought of you because IMO, when you're gone, you're gone. That's why funerals are for those left behind, not the departed.

(Have I fully depressed you yet? )


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19804 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this has turned into a DS love fest, which having met you and further being blessed to really get to "know" you over the years, I know was not your intent. True, you have shaped literally thousands of lives and probably even thousands more exponentially through your presence here. That right there is good stuff!

Beyond all that, in you I see a person who lives life to the fullest, has a true appreciation for the arts and people in general (even the ornery ones), and someone who stands up for the little guy. You champion other people’s causes, businesses and successes. As if that wasn’t enough, you’re a fab fur baby mommy, kick-ass decorator and you really know your wines. Seriously! What’s not to love?

All that said, I have often used Emerson’s “Success” as a measurement to life. Here you are – Enjoy!

“Success”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.


AJ’s MOM

Edited to fix erratic spacing.

[This message edited by ajsmom at 3:53 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

has a true appreciation for the arts and people in general (even the ornery ones),



I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Cally60
♀ Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But do any of you feel the need to leave some sort of footprint behind?

Maybe I'm strange, but I don't, really. However, I'm more than a decade older than you, DS, have had a couple of health scares recently, and what I DO find now is that:

"...at my back I always hear
Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near"

I am increasingly aware of the fact that I may not have many years left. Every month, it seems that yet another of my teenage heroes bites the dust and it's rather frightening. For I reflect upon all the things - large and small - that I intended to do in life, but have yet to get around to. And I have to accept the realization that now I probably never will achieve them. And I find THAT extremely depressing.

I tend to mark the time by garbage collections! As I gather things up and wheel the trashcans out, I often reflect on the fact that yet another week in my life has passed by in what seems like mere minutes. I really, really want to stop the clock, so that I can catch up with my dreams of yesteryear.

Although I am proud of some parts of my life, I know that if I'd put my mind to it, I could have achieved many more of the list of things I planned to do in my youth and have added to each year. But I've spent long years putting most of them on hold until later, when Life was less busy and I had more time.

And now, as the years accelerate in their passing, I realize that I have postponed them for too long. And THAT is what I absolutely regret.

One of my schoolfriends was a Catholic. I remember her telling me that one should pray in the morning, in case one died during the day, and again at night, in case one died during the night. I was very struck by this! And if I had my time over again, I think I would try to be far less of a procrastinator and force myself to work on anything I really wanted to achieve in life right now, rather than waiting until I had enough spare time and opportunity to do it really well. Because one day, usually unexpectedly, there will be no more time, or, indeed, opportunity.

I'm sorry - this is probably not in the least comforting. Apart from the fact that most people here are fortunate enough to have far more years to work on their goals than do I!

But as for that life footprint, DS, can you not see that with SI, you are creating footprints, both professional AND personal, of which Bigfoot himself would be unbelievably envious?!

Professionally, by creating and maintaining the web site itself. And personally, by making vast numbers of people's lives far happier than they'd have been without it. With this place, you're saving many a marriage; making it possible for those damaged by cheating to heal; giving those who are being ill-used to see that and go on to far happier lives; giving those who think there is no hope the strength to go on, or to escape their torment.... the list goes on and on. And don't forget that the aforementioned giant footprint needs space not only for the 40,000 plus members. But for all thee children of members, too! If enabling so many people to be happy isn't a personal achievement, then heaven help lesser mortals like me!

[This message edited by Cally60 at 4:13 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2087 | Registered: Mar 2009
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think of this often DS. Somewhere recently my perspective shifted to "there's all this time!" to "time is winding down" . It's unnerving and I don't know when it happened.
Not 5 minutes ago I was walking across the lawn and noticed crab grass and thought "I absolutely will not spend precious moments of my life fretting about crab grass" .

I agree with the others. I think the biggest footprint is the impression you leave with the people that know and love you. Like me

Maybe just take a good stock of your priorities, the things that are really truly important to you, and make sure you are directing way more energy at them than anything else? I think that's the best way to feel like our lives mattered. Don't focus on the proverbial crab grass I guess. Enrich your friendships, spend your time with your loved ones, ask your neighbours to tell you more about their history. Just stuff that matters.

ETA) I was watching my dad and my son stand and fish off the dock at the cottage last week and thought .. THIS. This is what matters. I am just going to try and *be* in those moments. It's helping.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:11 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 43979 | Registered: Sep 2006
scarredforever
♀ Member
Member # 23875
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you haven't already, read "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom, this book touched me deeply and may help you as well. Sometimes you do not know the lives you have touched in a roundabout way.


"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

Mark Twain

Me-BS 52
Him-WS 53
Together 33 years

6-5-06 Day of Reckoning

"The acquired inability to escape"


Posts: 1055 | Registered: May 2009 | From: swfl
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You all are just simply amazing...really and truly...amazing people

I completely understand now why so many people turn to you for comfort...you have no idea how much better I feel because of you all, right now

AJ...you're not going to believe this, but that was one of my mothers favorites of Ralph Waldo Emerson. In fact, when MH was designing her memorial card for her funeral, I was tossed between that one and another favorite of hers by Maya Angelou...it was about sitting still on a park bench and observing nature...I chose that one because of my mothers love of all creatures

Anyway...I do feel better because all of you. You lifted me up I'm still upset about yesterday as it was quite a scare but I have a better perspective and grip on how I can keep my life going in the direction I want it to.

Thank you again to all that took the time to help me...I really appreciate it. Your kindness I will hold close to my heart


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196506 | Registered: May 2002
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DS)))

I didn't read all the replies, but gosh you and everyone of us has a great footprint to leave behind whether we realize it or not. You stated yourself all the things you are proud of and look at the community you and MH created here. I've been here for 12 years and its still going strong!! What an accomplishment. There is no other board like this one, with such caring people.

Maybe you can start a video journal of everything you did and want to say so that you can leave it with a friend or relative to share with generations to come. Maybe that will be sort of signature stamp you can put on tape.

Very thought provoking DS.

Love ya.

[This message edited by click4it at 4:39 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Clarrissa
♀ Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with all the others DS. SI is a remarkable footprint to leave on the world. Because of you and MH, I was able (and willing) to look at myself and fix what was broken, help my H heal and build a stronger M. Because of this site we were able to help our DD when she was going through it - because we were able to give her advice that *works*. And just last night my H was able to help a total stranger on FB who just started navigating the sh*tstorm (hopefully he found his way here).

As someone else said, you and MH took a painful, devastating experience, turned it around and helped literally tens of *thousands* of people. I don't think too many people can say that. You and MH have created something as unique as the Mona Lida or a newborn baby. That's something to be proud of and will definately leave a large footprint.


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5860 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm... it seems nobody has asked, yet, WHAT happened yesterday, DS??

(((DS)))


Posts: 11401 | Registered: Mar 2008
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because of infidelity I think I know understand how someone can take their own life. Because of SI I have been able to recognize my issues, work through some of this pain and start to heal. SI is here because of you and MH. I am only one man but I know I contribute in a positive way in the lives of my family and friends. I don’t know if I or someone I have touched will do great things, but I am pretty sure they will. Thousands of others are like me in that SI has helped them live a meaningful life and touch others in a meaningful way. DH you certainly have – thank you. I’m not sure I will ever leave a footprint as big as the toe in your footprint.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2011
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think people can leave their footprint, legacy or impression in ways that might seem insignificant to them, but are invaluable to others.

It's in not just big exposed acts, but small, fleeting ones.

A kind word, a smile, acknowledgment of another human being or life.

Of course I hope my own footprint is left on my children and their children and their children...but to think that long term out can be overwhelming for me. So I do what I can, in the now, in the moment and hope that my legacy is is just that: a brief moment that may be gone in the blink of an eye, or one that continues on, either passed on from me or through me.


"be kinder than necessary..."

I'm sure your 70 year old neighbor has little DH footprints that he carries with him. That in of itself is quite a nice legacy .



ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14823 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS my opinion is this: when people speak or think of you, if its with a smile and good feelings then youve left gour mark.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TIKY...

WHAT happened yesterday, DS??

We've been getting some pretty serious death threats. Serious enough to warrant the police coming over yesterday and interviewing us, taking our statements and filing a case.

We had to explain that we're an NPO running a support website and the sheriff says "whats the name of the site?" and when I told him he said "you and your husband created it? Why?" and I just blurted out "because I cheated" omg

And he said "I've been through it myself" I'm pretty sure he meant he had been cheated on because he kept walking over to my laptop and would say things like "can I see the site again?" "What's the name of it?"

So, that's what happened. It just kind of solidified that all we've been through is still tailing behind me.

Anyway I don't want to turn this into an infidelity issue since we're in OT...it's still my issue of wanting to leave a good footprint of my life.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196506 | Registered: May 2002
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh. My. GOD!!!

(((DS & MH)))

Can you trace them?? Do you know WHO is threatening you??

That just makes me so mad!


Posts: 11401 | Registered: Mar 2008
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***waving Hi to our new cop member***


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36633 | Registered: Sep 2007
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@AN!! He was super nice too

Do you know WHO is threatening you??

Yes, we know who it is but I don't think I should say much more publicly about it, because I'm confident this person is reading here.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196506 | Registered: May 2002
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry ((DS and MH)). You don't deserve that kind of bologna.

[This message edited by unfound at 7:09 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14823 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
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