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User Topic: Your Footprint...
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Sad  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been thinking about this a lot recently...not sure if it's because I'm going to be 50 in a few short months and my life is half over or what.

But do any of you feel the need to leave some sort of footprint behind? Maybe because I don't have kids I'm feeling like I haven't done anything truly exceptional with my life

I know I've impacted the lives of many by doing local volunteer work, being a great neighbor and friend. I'm kind to strangers and love animals. I've also done some pretty dangerous things...I can be a bit of a dare devil Which in itself is great, but what legacy will I leave behind?

Do any of you wonder about your end and what you will leave behind for people to remember you by?


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197380 | Registered: May 2002
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe because I don't have kids I'm feeling like I haven't done anything truly exceptional with my life

Do you somehow feel that SI will not survive without you? If it was the only legacy that you and MH leave, than that's a pretty solid one. You'll live forever in internet search engines


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3868 | Registered: Dec 2011
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All.the.time.

But you, how could YOU! Wonder that???

You created a haven that has saved lives and the sanity of tens of thousands of people! Not just the posters but the lurkers.

Your pebble in the pond has created ripples that impact the world. By healing so many that go on to be better parents, spouses, friends that then impact others to be the same.

You and MH have a legacy most could never dream up.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6548 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred...

That's not what I mean...LOL!! Not SI at all...but *me* the real person.

Don't we all have a plan laid out for us? Sometimes we know what the answers are and sometimes we never find out...I'm fine with that. I just want to make sure I've done something significant with the life I've been given.

Hey...I like your sig line

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:52 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197380 | Registered: May 2002
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that you are not joking in this, and I agree that even at 30 I realize that I have potentially lived half my life already.

However, I find it a little ironic that you are posting on a major footprint of your life.

Here at SI - the people you have helped and the way that you and your coherts keep it safe around here for all those involved in infidelity is huge.

I guess without knowing what you consider 'truely exceptional' I am at a loss at why what you do here, isn't considered that to you.

Something as simple as a new born baby's cry is exceptional, as is the simpleness of reaching 100 years old.

Oprah is exceptional, but so is an adult just learning to read.

I do not think that the world needs to know that you lived well, that you gave your time, that you LIVED - in order for you have a truely exceptional life.

But, if it really is bothering you. You have plenty of time to build a tomb, make arrangements to be mumified, so that in 2000 years, our future people will go through your tomb belongs and make up a story about you and how you lived.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
truthsetmefree
♀ Member
Member # 7168
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so understand this, DS.

This is what I've resolved. Often times the places that we have most impacted someone will often never be known to us. It may not can even be attributed directly to us (and not just unknown to us). But it's not any less important or impacting. In fact, some of those are the purest of all because they don't have the opportunity to be adulterated by our own ego (pride, self-serving, etc.) They remain wholly an act of service. kwim?

Allow them to be unadulterated. "Ego" is the only one asking this question. Let it go unanswered; the question/answer is not what matters.

(And I hope you understand/see that - though I certainly could - why I'm not citing my own list of personal examples to answer the question. - And, yes, I know that's not what you're asking for either. )


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pentup...

You're so sweet...thank you

Some things happened yesterday that really bothered me, I had a pretty bad day. Then all these thoughts started swirling around in my head (more so than most days) and I realized...what have I done with my life? I live in one itty bitty part of the universe and wonder if there is something I'm not seeing that I should be doing.

I don't know...


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197380 | Registered: May 2002
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to make sure I've done something significant with the life I've been given.

You've done that through SI, though. I understand what you're saying, if you didn't have SI did you do what you're supposed to do, did you leave your mark? I think you did, I think SI was supposed to be your road, your journey.

At least that's just my understanding of your post.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Er, yeah. I'm pretty baffled by the idea that you're worried about your footprint.

You and MH have left enormous footprints in the Wincing Family's lives through this place.

Without you, we probably don't save our marriage.

Without you, our kids likely don't have an intact home, with all the risks and dangers to development and success that entails.

Without you, there's no home for my wife's niece's kids (who just came to live with us) to come to.

I don't know about you, but from my perspective, that's almost 3 generations of lives directly impacted by your caring, grace, diligence, and effort.

I'd call that a pretty damned impressive footprint.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6744 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling like I haven't done anything truly exceptional with my life.

Most of us know you only as DS and, perhaps "_____", so you've got almost total anonymity, but founding SI sort of defines 'exceptional'.

I'd like to do something worth remembering, but it's not a need.

Life is all illusion anyway.

Having said that, I felt suddenly relaxed and wise and, strangely, young on my 50th birthday. Wait until the day, and you'll see.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:00 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what have I done with my life?

You've made people feel loved, cared for and welcome. You've touched people's hearts and lives in a way I've not seen anybody else do. You've inspired others to be better people.

You are somebody I'll never forget and will always adore.

Plus, you throw one hell of a party


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13725 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops, very sorry about the name - I thought is was OK because it was used publicly in an other arena.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops, very sorry about the name

I think DS now knows where to leave her footprint


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3868 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah. I mean I'd like people to think of me fondly but I'll be dead so fuck it.

Thanks right now for all the work you guys do here.


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even with kids I wonder the same thing.

Like others, even if SI is gone when you're gone, you've made an impact. Without SI I would've handled the aftermath of the 2A differently, even though I posted on other boards looking for help. SI brought me to the truth, helped me seek a healthy mindset. That has been such a boon to me and my kids. You can even imagine. Even if we end up D because MrH won't do his part in healing this M, it will be with me in a healthy place. Yes, I did the work (with a great IC) but SI started me on the path.

It reminds me of the end of Schindler's List. He said something like one more...he should've tried to save even one more. He felt like he didn't make enough of an impact. Then they showed the real survivors and their descendants placing stones on his grave.

When you're gone DS, you'll have a mound of stones marking your footprint. Members and their families who have managed to survive infidelity and the debilitating pain it causes. Those who have managed to deal with the unimaginable because of the support they found here. You used your pain, your mistakes, your struggles and helped thousands of people; that has rippled out further than you can imagine.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11134 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You all are making a lot of sense and I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

What happened yesterday and the events that unfolded really made me start to question my life and what I'm actually doing here. I don't want to feel this way...I don't like doubting and feeling sad....that's just not who I am, but I'm having a hard time shaking this off right now. Yesterday was a real eye-opener...unfortunately.

WAL...I'm always so touched when you post to me


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197380 | Registered: May 2002
yewtree
♀ Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS, you have made an international footprint. If you need to mark the universe, well I don't know how you can do that.

I'm not sure what happened to you yesterday, but seriously you have changed lives, and probably saved a few with this site.

You rock.

I know your post was not an opportunity to gather compliments, but you truly have done a wonderful service here, and I think you need to pat yourself on the back. Other mods have come and gone because this is a HUGE job. I can only imagine what goes on in the dungeon, and behind the scenes with 40,000 broken people to manage.

We bow to your averageness.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4652 | Registered: Oct 2007
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Approaching 30 I have been having the same thoughts. Then I read this. YOU donít think youíve made enough of a footprint? Well if that is the case, I might as well let up on myself now because Iím never going to touch a fraction of the people you have. This post is a nice dose of perspective. Life isnít about the things you didnít do, but the things you did. We all leave a footprint in someway and you will be leaving a wonderful one.

Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have positively affected THOUSANDS of lives. And those people you have helped will affect HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of lives and so on. It's a pay it forward thing.

I have done the same as a physician to a smaller audience. I help others so that they then go on to help others. It's THE best thing we can do with our lives.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((DS)))) I can tell from your posts that whatever happened yesterday has shaken something loose. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

But I also hope you are able to see what an incredible, indelible, and immeasurable mark you have made on the lives that have been touched by SI.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25062 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 73
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