Reformed BS 39 xWW 34
Two kids 5 and 2
It's been two months since divorce I'm a wreck. Should I date ???
Now is the time for self-care and self-discovery. Use self-care to help yourself heal from the D. Focus on you and your kids, establishing a new normal, and feeling out life as a single mom.
The adjustment takes time, but you really have to do it. You have to re-establish YOU before you can even begin to think about dating.
That doesn't mean you can't socialize - spend time with friends, try out new activities and hobbies, indulge your interests... Just please stay clear of all romantic entanglements until YOU are healed and whole, and are well beyond the "wreck" stage, ok? ((((hugs))))
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Now almost six months down the road, I've had the sense to just stop dating. I'm enjoying my hobbies (musician) and friends (mostly other musicians). I'm still mad that The Princess put me in this situation, but I'm even madder that she didn't do it sooner: Why did she have to wait 17 years before letting me realize what a piece of shit she is? Part of me still loves her, but she doesn't deserve it, so I'm rolling with mad at the moment.
I would love to be in love again, but have been looking back and noticed what my "type" is. All my past girlfriends have been similar to The Princess. I need some time off to figure out how to break type.
It sounds to me like you need this time as well. We're always taught that anger is a bad thing, but it's been helping me move on. I just hope I can let it go some day.
Please be good to yourself and take the time to heal before venturing out into dating.
It will pay off for you.
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Were together 7+yrs, Ended R.
As to the depression, we all understand. It comes from the death of the marriage and the hope that you've put into it all these years.
Everyone talks about self discovery and that is true. One of the things I would try to start to discover is why there is still love there from your end. Is it because he said he was sorry, now after the D? Gently, you say he's a serial cheater and is already out there dating so soon after D. Hes not begging or showing he will do whatever it takes to win you back. In fact, he seems quite manipulative and intent on giving you just enough crumbs that you may be a fall back one day. in time and maybe with the help of an IC, you may be able to realize that. It all comes from the knowledge that you deserve much better than a serial cheater.
As far as dating, no. It shouldn't even be a thought in your head right now. Broken cant attract healthy. You're a little broken right now and it's best to use this time to heal. Dating sounds like a decent idea in theory, but it's not a good idea in reality. Its a good bet that people who are hurting and feeling rejected will grab attention from anyone who will give it and ignore all sorts of red flags just to have the feeling of being wanted. Are you strong enough to pick with a rational head and not a broken heart? Are you strong enough to handle another rejection? When you can honestly answer yes to both of those questions, then you may be ready.
Look, I get that there is a strong need in the beginning to fill that awful void and just have life go back to the normal that we once knew. I get it. At the same time, you can't recreate the past and you're not ready to jump into another future, so what do you do? You learn about yourself now. You figure out what you like and need without anyone else's influence. You spend time with good friends and family who lift you up and make you laugh. You help others in their times of need. You find new interests or resurrect old ones. You learn how to be alone and to actually like it. That way, when another person comes along, you are all put back together and way more confident in what you want. Right now, just another body would probably be enough. You need to get to a place where just enough isn't good enough.