The problem I have now is convincing her that while she is correct that my efforts to change while away from home were bogus, now that I am back, I have been trying to do things that I know are good for me for my own sake and for the sakes of my loved ones.
I think you know the answer to this one 3x. Time. Loooots of it. Time and consistent action that you're "for real this time". She gets to sit and watch you and see if your actions are following what your mouth is saying.
You're a good talker. Shoot, most WS are. I was too. I talked for 8 1/2 years. It's time to put your money where your mouth is. Actions Dude. Actions and time.
How's sobriety going? You back in IC?
I think that only adds to my W's inability to trust me because in the past I've looked her straight in the eye and lied my ass off.
Healing is a long journey. Just keep walkin'.
I don't really know what I want from this post. Maybe some advice. Maybe to have it pointed out to me how I'm full of crap. Maybe both. Thoughts?
Thoughts. Where to begin. Well, Aubrie did a pretty thorough job of that.
Sobriety is going well. Actually not that hard to maintain.
I am on medication for depression and anxiety which seems to help.
After one major surgery a decade ago, I was handed a jar the size of a football, filled with morphine derived pain meds, on the way out of the hospital. My pain was rather acute, so I handed them to my wife, told her to take three out, and destroy the rest. I asked for one in the middle of the first night. And never used the other two. My surgeons KNEW my chemical dependency history, and STILL sent me on my merry way with a near lifetime supply of goodies. After another surgery (oh, I've got scars...) a few years later...same thing. Goodies galore. Took not one of the peanut M&M sized feel good pellets. Because, you know, if ONE makes you feel good...then THREE might really make you feel really good...and washed down with a vodka tonic to activate them...well...definitely the pain stands no chance, at least until it comes back...