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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is my perception incorrect?
Why??
♀ Member
Member # 18132
Question  Posted: 6:27 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering what you guys thought...There was a co-worker (not my crush) that had been asking about me to another co-worker. Even mentioned to her to plan a happy hr. with me, etc. Well, he finally asked me my age and thought I was much younger. Now he seems disinterested not that I was really interested or anything as we are co-workers but do not work in same area. I really don't care much about age (as long as we are both legal...lol). I will consider both older and younger. Is this a guy thing or am I reading this wrong? He is acting very cool now. Good thing I am on a dating break

[This message edited by Why?? at 6:28 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Feb 2008
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if your perception is correct or not, but I would have arrived at the same one.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto NIK.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some men (and women) are really weird about the age thing.

I went on a few dates with this guy who thought I was much younger (20 something). When he found out my real age (30's) his response was "Oh.... I've never dated a woman in her 30's." We never went out again. BTW - this guy was a few years older than me.

My exBF, however, was in his 20's. He had never dated an "older" woman but we clicked and worked really well together (only broke up because I moved 1,500 miles away). He always knew my age. He did, however, tell me that the fact that I didn't look older made a difference (at least initially). He is not shallow, he just said (in all honesty) that it would have made him self conscious if I *looked* much older than him.

I would imagine women could be the same way. I could date older or younger. However, I think at some point it would bother me.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sound correct. Perhaps he is looking for someone young to bear his children? Or maybe he suspects that older women won't put up with his stupidity? Who knows? You are free of him and that seems like a good thing.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
chikastuff
♀ Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't shit where you eat.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Bloomsday
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are young looking. Enjoy the compliment and keep turning heads.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your perception may be correct, but I detect a tone of "it is wrong or low of him" to discriminate against dating women of a certain age over him. Everyone is entitled to their own view, but I don't think that is wrong of him. He knows what he wants and is not going to lead you on.

My first H was 7 years older than me and after divorcing him, I made a very definitive decision not to go more than five years up or down from my age, regardless of what age they looked like.

But the situation also reminds me of something kind of funny. When my sister and I were both single, between marriages, we went out dancing one night and met twin brothers! We hit if off very well with them, danced and talked all night till the bar closed, then had breakfast with them before she and I headed back home. Of course we both found out they were both single and never married. My sister was also divorced with two kids, and I had three kids. They were 27 and I was 34. My sister was 29. Well, my sister married "her" twin. The other twin told me that same night, after a nice kiss, that he liked me but we would not be going out again because the age difference was too much for him. He said he was not bothered that I had kids, or that I was divorced, but the age mattered. (Obviously, he thought I was a bit younger until I actually told him my age). I have always highly respected the fact that he said that right away. I don't think I would have broken my own rule for him since he was also more than five years younger than me, but then again it would have been mighty cute with my sister (whom I'm very close to) and I dating twin brothers... so I might have broken my rule in his case if he had given me the opportunity.

Anyway, it didn't happen. Since she married him, I see the brother once or twice a year; he is married with a couple of kids. It all worked out well.

Is this a guy thing or am I reading this wrong?

I don't think it is just a "guy" thing but some of us have our reasons why we would rather date someone closer to our own age.


Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
asurvivor
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Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Bobbie Sue...I think this was slowly heading into the menz are dufus pot belly no teeth lech scenario thread that can just burn my ass. I do have teeth after all...I paid good money for them.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 576 | Registered: Jun 2011
Why??
♀ Member
Member # 18132
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thx for all the feedback! Probably the best outcome since we work at the same place!


"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Feb 2008
Hoops
♀ Member
Member # 22721
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It could be an age thing ... it could be you did/said something/someone else said something about you that turned him off or he realized you would not be a good match for whatever reason.

If it is about age, that is his perogative. Who knows if he is one of the ones who likes them super young to a max age of 5-years less then his own age, or he is realistic and keeps it close to his own age? My finace had 5 under or over his age and nothing else when we met on OLD.

For whatever reason, it wasn't meant to work out. I look back at those now and realize it all helped me get where I am now, and I would not change it for the world. Then again I am grateful for all my experiences and some of them are a direct result of the way others acted or because they were not interested in me.

Maybe you dodged an even bigger issue .....


BW (Me) 44
W(ex)H 46 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10
Now: Happily married to a great guy who has the same birthday as my DD! Ironic. Now it is just my husband's birthday.

Posts: 295 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
Topic Posts: 11

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