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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How are you supposed to feel?
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On/after a first date?

I know for some there is an instant spark for some people. I have had that maybe twice at the beginning of previous relationships as in after a first meeting, I knew I liked them.

But how do you know if you like them if that doesn't happen? Maybe stick around for a bit to see if your attraction to them grows after a few more dates?

Do you know that you either want to see them again for sure or you don't? I'm having trouble with this lately because I don't know and this has been the case with the date I just went on this past Saturday and the one before that.

The ones I had before that, I KNEW for sure within the first few minutes of meeting them that I wouldn't want to see them again.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The point of a first date is to determine whether you want a second date. Nothing more, nothing less.

Do you want a second date?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13658 | Registered: Jul 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such an expert here !

I'm going way back in my past but I've had the instant chemistry and the slow starters.
I can't say one worked better than the other but I was glad I stuck around to see about the slow ones. The two I've had were really good relationships .
When in doubt I would go out again if the opportunity arises.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20341 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can imagine sitting through a meal with this guy and having a decent time then that's enough feeling. It's really hard to tell sometimes.

I didn't feel sparks with my SO and really thought I should have, so I thought it was hopeless. One guy friend told me I shouldn't go out again with him then so as not to lead him on however I was scolded here for not giving a guy enough of a chance and I did see him again. The second date was really fun and the third was even better and the fourth was very special and then it went on from there....


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5784 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't fall in true love on a first date. That takes time (lots of time) to build.

Dating needs to be fun. You shouldn't go into it with the thought process of "is this one the one that will be the father of my children, the wife I will be marrying, the person I will spend the rest of my life with?"

Way too much pressure! Go into a date with the attitude of "let's see what this person is like and what they have to offer...."

Give yourself time to find out. As long as you are having an enjoyable time, keep going out with them.

For me, except in ONE case, the sparks don't hit until the first kiss. But there are no hard and fast rules. There is no way you are "supposed" to feel. Basically, if you look forward to going out with this person again, then do it. If you dread it or think "yuck", then don't. It is pretty easy.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15187 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the advice, it has been really helpful!

Amazonia,

I like that way of looking at it. Whilst I'm not jumping around at the idea, I think I would definitely meet him again.

gma56,

Strangely, when I look back on my 4 relationships, the one that I wasn't interested in at all at first grew on me eventually, it was the longest relationship (7 years) and I guess the person I had the most fun with. Unfortunately, he was cheating for the last year of the relationship. Someone I never thought would do that.

Innerlight,

I'm pretty sure I could. And that is a nice story too, thanks for sharing :)

NaiveAgain,

I will definitely try to put that into practice and just try to have fun along the way. I guess you never know who will turn out to be the one until they actually turn out to be the one


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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