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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Got dumped out of the blue
WhiteWolfWinning
♀ Member
Member # 12475
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I echo the poster who pointed out that it was odd he was looking for you on a GNO.

This bothers me in a big way.

I am a BS (and I don't have an SO, so take this with a grain of salt) but I would NEVER go looking for someone while he was out with his friends. Ever.

It's not that he cannot trust you. You haven't done anything wrong. He can't let go of control enough to trust ANYONE.

Wolf


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God

Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens


Posts: 8233 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: midwest
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, he called a little while ago. He is in the hospital. I knew in my gut something was going on. He had a bad knee injury last week and it became a major issue that could potentially have cost him his leg. I am glad he is in the hospital and getting care.

It does not change anything about the situation. But I do believe the true reason came out. He told me he had hoped that I would have not responded to his text message dumping me. That I would have not cared enough about him dumping me. Well, he was wrong...I raised hell with him, not wanting to be accused of something I did not do and not wanting to lose him.

He told me that he feels guilty about being with me, that I have many years ahead of me with many options and choices and that he is much closer to his end of life. He feels he is wasting my time because now I am still young and vibrant to find an SO closer to my age who might become my husband and be with me growing old; a role that he cannot fulfill because of our age difference.

I get it, but it does not make it easier. Do I wish he was younger so we would not have this problem? Sure. But at the same time, he would not be the person I fell hard for if he was younger.

So here I am, trying to distract myself and all I am able to do is to think of him and the great times we had. Dancing, having a picnic, chilling and watching a movie, just holding each other, him taking care of me when I broke down over not being with my daughter on her 16th birthday.

I feel like I lost something very special to circumstances that everybody but me cares about.

What a mess, going from being blissfully happy to this.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1247 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Frauken))))

What a bum deal.

But seriously, who wants to hook up permanently with someone whose baggage weighs so much and occupies so much space. Basically he isn't ready for an honest healthy relationship and you don't deserve what he's done.

It might help if you think hard about what you lost versus who you lost. The trappings of a relationship can be replaced. And the heartache of being with someone who isn't well equipped emotionally to be in a relationship - well you can let it go.

Dodged a bullet. It coulda been worse. It coulda happened 3 or 5 years from now.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1126 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((frae)))))))


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No advice lady just ((Hugs))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4471 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((fraeuken)))

I was in a similar situation with my exSO, not the age difference, but him believing I am better off without him. Our backgrounds are drastically different, economic situation, the way I "look" (I dress conservatively while he has tats and dresses very edgy). I tired to explain to him that those "things" didn't bother me...but they bothered him. He would say "people think we don't match".

It boils down to his insecurity was the real issue. He couldn't simply be happy I was there and cared for him. So, it had to end. I know, for me, I don't ever want to have to convince someone to be with me ever again.

I'm sorry you are hurting.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a rough night. I did not realize how vulnerable I let myself be again. I guess that is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. I am glad I could be vulnerable but the pain has brought me to my knees again.

I have decided to completely withdraw, 180 him to gain my strength back. It won't be easy because we are in a small town and our paths will cross. I thought I would never hurt like this again. Breakup's suck, from now on it will be only me, my kids, my friends and my work. Time to let go of the notion that somebody would want to be with me for good.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1247 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweety, I think you dodged a bullet. Why the hell was he looking for you on your GNO? That says more about him than anything you could have done. I have a feeling your life with him would have been one mistrustful encounter after another.

^^^This. I consider this stalking. How many other times has he done this that you don't even know about? RUN, RUN, RUN. I wouldn't even attempt 180, I would do complete NC.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time to let go of the notion that somebody would want to be with me for good.

I know you're hurting and feel blindsided (again). But truly, this is all about his own insecurities and nothing to do with you. Just like with your xWH, it's ALL him and NOTHING to do with who you are.

I can appreciate the thought that giving up on dating and being happy by yourself is comforting. If you choose that route, that's fine. I care very much for the guy I'm dating but even I sometimes think, it's really not worth the trouble. But that's a different thing than thinking you're alone purely b/c no one wants you. That's nonsense and you know it.

((((frauken))))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3059 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This guy sounds like a huge emotional drain. He broke up with you because he wanted you to validate his feeling insecure? Seriously???

I agree that you dodged a bullet and are much better off without him.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just incredibly tired. I feel I keep on giving just to get the "it's not you, it
's me " speech and off they go. I always struggled with not feeling good enough. Situations such as these set me back big times.

Thank you all. I hear you. My heart is still reeling, once the pain subsides I knows head will prevail.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1247 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart is still reeling, once the pain subsides I knows head will prevail.

Seriously, if we could make a pill that could bring head and heart together on the same plane, it would make us billionaires. Not to mention, at peace.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1126 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, if we could make a pill that could bring head and heart together on the same plane, it would make us billionaires. Not to mention, at peace.

I am with you; you would think they would have come up with something like this by now. Broken hearts have are as old as mankind, maybe somethings are not meant to be healed by anything other than time.

He ended up in the hospital on the weekend; prior to him leaving town he had a knee injury that became so infected that he ended up with sepsis and he had to be admitted. It was touch and go for 48 hours until his body responded to the treatment. He reached out to me to apologize for his behavior on but was really weak and we did not talk very long.

I did go and see him yesterday; nothing will change with regards to our relationship but it was good to talk things through and get his apology.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1247 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((fraeuken)))


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you are feeling better after talking with him and hearing his apology.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3098 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
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