I echo the poster who pointed out that it was odd he was looking for you on a GNO.
This bothers me in a big way.
I am a BS (and I don't have an SO, so take this with a grain of salt) but I would NEVER go looking for someone while he was out with his friends. Ever.
It's not that he cannot trust you. You haven't done anything wrong. He can't let go of control enough to trust ANYONE.
Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens
It does not change anything about the situation. But I do believe the true reason came out. He told me he had hoped that I would have not responded to his text message dumping me. That I would have not cared enough about him dumping me. Well, he was wrong...I raised hell with him, not wanting to be accused of something I did not do and not wanting to lose him.
He told me that he feels guilty about being with me, that I have many years ahead of me with many options and choices and that he is much closer to his end of life. He feels he is wasting my time because now I am still young and vibrant to find an SO closer to my age who might become my husband and be with me growing old; a role that he cannot fulfill because of our age difference.
I get it, but it does not make it easier. Do I wish he was younger so we would not have this problem? Sure. But at the same time, he would not be the person I fell hard for if he was younger.
So here I am, trying to distract myself and all I am able to do is to think of him and the great times we had. Dancing, having a picnic, chilling and watching a movie, just holding each other, him taking care of me when I broke down over not being with my daughter on her 16th birthday.
I feel like I lost something very special to circumstances that everybody but me cares about.
What a mess, going from being blissfully happy to this.
What a bum deal.
But seriously, who wants to hook up permanently with someone whose baggage weighs so much and occupies so much space. Basically he isn't ready for an honest healthy relationship and you don't deserve what he's done.
It might help if you think hard about what you lost versus who you lost. The trappings of a relationship can be replaced. And the heartache of being with someone who isn't well equipped emotionally to be in a relationship - well you can let it go.
Dodged a bullet. It coulda been worse. It coulda happened 3 or 5 years from now.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
I was in a similar situation with my exSO, not the age difference, but him believing I am better off without him. Our backgrounds are drastically different, economic situation, the way I "look" (I dress conservatively while he has tats and dresses very edgy). I tired to explain to him that those "things" didn't bother me...but they bothered him. He would say "people think we don't match".
It boils down to his insecurity was the real issue. He couldn't simply be happy I was there and cared for him. So, it had to end. I know, for me, I don't ever want to have to convince someone to be with me ever again.
I'm sorry you are hurting.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I have decided to completely withdraw, 180 him to gain my strength back. It won't be easy because we are in a small town and our paths will cross. I thought I would never hurt like this again. Breakup's suck, from now on it will be only me, my kids, my friends and my work. Time to let go of the notion that somebody would want to be with me for good.
Sweety, I think you dodged a bullet. Why the hell was he looking for you on your GNO? That says more about him than anything you could have done. I have a feeling your life with him would have been one mistrustful encounter after another.
^^^This. I consider this stalking. How many other times has he done this that you don't even know about? RUN, RUN, RUN. I wouldn't even attempt 180, I would do complete NC.
Time to let go of the notion that somebody would want to be with me for good.
I know you're hurting and feel blindsided (again). But truly, this is all about his own insecurities and nothing to do with you. Just like with your xWH, it's ALL him and NOTHING to do with who you are.
I can appreciate the thought that giving up on dating and being happy by yourself is comforting. If you choose that route, that's fine. I care very much for the guy I'm dating but even I sometimes think, it's really not worth the trouble. But that's a different thing than thinking you're alone purely b/c no one wants you. That's nonsense and you know it.
I agree that you dodged a bullet and are much better off without him.
Thank you all. I hear you. My heart is still reeling, once the pain subsides I knows head will prevail.
My heart is still reeling, once the pain subsides I knows head will prevail.
Seriously, if we could make a pill that could bring head and heart together on the same plane, it would make us billionaires. Not to mention, at peace.
I am with you; you would think they would have come up with something like this by now. Broken hearts have are as old as mankind, maybe somethings are not meant to be healed by anything other than time.
He ended up in the hospital on the weekend; prior to him leaving town he had a knee injury that became so infected that he ended up with sepsis and he had to be admitted. It was touch and go for 48 hours until his body responded to the treatment. He reached out to me to apologize for his behavior on but was really weak and we did not talk very long.
I did go and see him yesterday; nothing will change with regards to our relationship but it was good to talk things through and get his apology.