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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice on talking to goddaughters about S/D
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bestfriend has asked me to take a trip out of state to see their family and their two little girls tomorrow (my goddaughters) to help them talk to them about why WS is gone. They were all supposed to come out to see us next month and the girls had been looking forward to the trip for over a year. My friend, her husband and mother sat them down and explained that the trip was cancelled and that WS had decided to leave the family. The oldest cried but then seemed to accept it. The littler one, who was very attached to WS, has been crying everyday since and keeps asking why he has left us.

WS was also supposed to be godfather for their new baby brother. So they also don't understand why that isn't happening now.

I talked to my IC and he said to be honest with them and tell them WS feelings for me changed and we're never going to see him again. Then he said I should ask them if they have any questions for me and let them ask whatever they want.

I'm terrified that I'm not going it hold it together for this. Anyone out there with any advice on how to break this kind of thing to kids?

These poor little girls have moved 5 times in 4 years and I know moving back home, visiting us and being a "family" again was something they fixated on to deal with the years of disappointment. I feel so bad.

I also hate him that he's left me to tell our family/friends what he did alone, to have to go through the indignity of STD testing, to have to deal daily with an elderly dog that can't recover from his abandonment. Etc.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:19 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm upset with your friend. It is not YOUR responsibility to tell her daughters WTH is going on. It is HER responsibility to tell her own daughters what is going on!!!!!!!!!!!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9494 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did tell them, but they aren't taking it well and she wants me there to help explain.

But I see what you mean. I do feel put upon a little bit. I don't feel like I really have the bandwidth to add on trying to explain my WS's rejection of me to an 8 year old.

But they are my goddaughters and she is my bestfriend and there is no reason for me to be ashamed or to put up walls. And I want the girls to feel like they can come to me and talk to me about anything they need to.

So I guess I view it as a necessary evil.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's what I told my kids. I told them that Daddy broke some promises to me and he lied to me. The promises he broke are the kind husbands & wives make to each other and God on their wedding day. When he broke those promises and lied to me, that meant we couldn't be married any longer.

That's what my kids know. They do not know what promises are made on a wedding day. They have no concept of fidelity. Since you're going to be talking to elementary aged kids, that's about all that kids that age need to know, especially kids that aren't your own and are NOT directly impacted by this divorce.

I'm still very upset with your friend. She needs to hold herself together and NOT make this a bigger deal for her kids. This is not about her, not about her kids. Frankly, it's none of her kids' business. Dragging you across state lines and forcing you to parent her daughters is just outrageous to me.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 4:25 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9494 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they are like extended family to you, I get it. They love you. Loved him and would never have figured this would happen.

They will take their cues from you, if you feel strong. They will be strong. It is ok to show them you are hurting, just temper that pain with you the hope that you will feel better one day. You will with time.

They may feel abandoned by him, I know my niece and nephew did- especially nephew. Give them extra hugs, they will be ok, just like you will be-with time.

Hugs,

K

[This message edited by Kajem at 3:33 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5013 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like that advice. i want to be honest with them and that he broke our vows is completely honest.

And, yes, they feel abandoned... And it's heightened because of their moves over the last few years. As I say, they fixated on the idea of coming home and being a family again. We used to go over there on weekends and WS would chase the girls around the yard and push them on the swing. Their house is (probably was) full of photos of the three of them (WS and the girls)... and you could tell that WS was the littlest one's first crush.

Their daddy works a lot and isn't a very fun guy. He's a lot more invested in his son than the girls. WS was the opposite. He'd hold the little boy and play with him... But when we were there, he was all about the girls. He made them feel special and loved.

Hey, kids. I know how you feel.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 3:44 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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