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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I promised a post, so here it is
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My body knows the calendar

And I donít like it.

39 years ago today, I got married. There are things to laugh about, now. Like how I chose the anniversary of the Nagasaki bombing as a wedding day. Or how I got married on the exact day that Richard Nixon resigned, so my wedding rehearsal was during the Nixon administration, and my wedding was during the Ford administration.

It seems like even though I don't obsess about dates much anymore, my body still ramps up the stress as they approach. D-Day#1 and the wedding anniversary being the worst.

I hope that once this divorce becomes final that that will go away, or at least get weaker.

It doesn't help much that I'm going through some job uncertainty right now. My last contract ended, and I'm on the bench, collecting a paycheck, but I was warned I'd be laid off if nothing came up in a month. Two months max. So I don't even have a definite date there.

The last week or so has been a bit ominous and unsettled. Now that this day is here, and almost past, I'm feeling better. I had a good client interview today, so that helps.

Short synopsis of the divorce, for those who haven't paid attention to my whining before:
D-Day 1: January 2009, discovered OM#1 (PA) and #2 (EA)
D-Day 2: March 2009, discovered OM#3
Filed: April 2009
Fired from my job September 2009
Unemployed, and postponing Divorce for over a year.
Finally got it moving again in 2012
Trial June and August 2012
We're just 3 weeks away from an entire year since the close of the trial. The judge heard the case, took the testimony, and has not entered a decision yet.

In some ways, it's good that it took a while, because I had to reconcile losing half my family farm to the cheater in the divorce. That is not something I could have accepted overnight.

I'm not sure that I have the longest divorce in SI history, but I'm certainly in the running.

Another laugh: When I discovered her new active PA and confronted her, she informed our adult children via text message, along these lines: "We've been married 34 years, doesn't look like we'll make 35".

And here we are, still technically married, 39 years today.

But only technically. I check the mailbox every day for the decision.

Guideline disclaimer: Politician's names are being used in a historical, not a political context


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5182 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh TH, It's good to hear from you, even if it's not the news that it's finally over. It hassss to be soon. Isn't there a time limit that a judge has to rule by? Ugh. I feel for you.

I will hope it's very very very soon, and you can close this chapter. I'm ready to party with you when it is done.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5547 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is ridiculous that the judge has not ruled yet. I'm so sorry that this has drug out so long for you. I read your bio and see that you have a new SO. I'm glad for you that at least one part of your life is moving forward happily. My situation (HS sweethearts, only love) is similar to yours. My WH's actions devastated me. 33 years together, 27 years married, and 2 lovely grown children.

I hope the papers arrive soon for you so the rest of your life can move forward as well.


Divorced and beginning my new life.


2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My body remembers dates when My mind doesn't . Some dates are getting better, others are taking longer to heal from.

I hope the judge rules in your favor and the final decision arrives soon.

Hugs

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5333 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It's been a long road for you. I would probably start putting a bug in the court's ear. A year waiting is ridiculous.

It's impossible to find closure when the divorce is still considered open.

About the dates. I'm one that naturally remembers them. FT and were married June 21st 1986. Every year I remembered it, how could I not? But this year my first year on being officially D,my only thought was it was the first day of summer not that it would have been our 27th wedding anniversary. It took 5 years after dday but it happened !
Hugs and sending mojo the job continues without any delays.
Next year will certainly look different for you.

Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20384 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's been almost a year since the trial with no decision, I would check on it. With your lawyer's office (if you have one), or with the clerk for the judge if you don't. In either case, just a call saying that since it has been almost a year, you just wanted to check what the status is.

Lots of cases are going through both the court and the lawyer. Things sometimes get missed. A little prod and having someone check, especially since it has been this long, is not unreasonable.


ETA: Should have read GMA's post first, which says essentially the same thing!

[This message edited by osxgirl at 6:58 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Posts: 2409 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 6

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