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Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

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User Topic: My typical day. Should I still feel like this 1yr out?
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Concerned  Posted: 12:25 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My typical day consists of working from home. I feel pretty lonely after FWW leaves for work. Then anxiety followed by insecurities. After the late afternoon hits I start feeling better. She comes home, we workout, eat, watch some TV, but then depression hits.

Is this typical? I'm tired of feeling like this. Exhausted actually.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Healing2012
♀ Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in IC? What about taking any antidepressants? I know some people don't like the medications, so I'm not pushing them on you - just trying to get a feel for how you're handling the depression.

I am almost two years out and I still feel depressed. I never imagined this road would be so long and winding. Some days are better than others.

Maybe there is something you could do to change up your routine. Is your FWW aware of how you're feeling?

Hang in there...


BS: Me (41)
WS: Husband (47)
Married 9 years
Two children 6 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2married... I've had similar days, and I hear you. All things considered, this is fairly typical.

I agree with Healing2012 about shaking up the routine.

Maybe have a "casual" work from home Friday, where you set up with wi-fi on your back deck and a large pitcher of iced tea? Maybe a different workout routine, like a hike or a bike ride with your wife? Or even do a hike/picnic to combine the workout and dinner?

Sometimes shaking up the routine and treating yourself, even in little ways, can energize you and help alleviate some of the depression.

IC and AD's eventually helped me for awhile as well.

Hang in there, man... we're here for you.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 1:13 PM, August 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Dec 2010
sparklezombie
♀ Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's fairly typical. I get like that too. I think IC is definitely a help


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Insecure in M at a year out? Sure.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10165 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nearly a year and you're doing better than me


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's normal to feel all out of whack after a year still. It's a pretty huge detrimental hit when a spouse cheats. I mean, people have said it is the worst case (outside of death) that can happen to you.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still feel like this two years out. I spend most of my day at home by myself and have noticed that lately I feel very depressed and uninterested in almost everything. I think going back to work in a few weeks will help with that. Once I am able to concentrate on something other than the A then I may be able to get out of this slump I seem to be in lately.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like when I broke my collarbone mountain biking. I took all the vitamin supplements in the world, wore a back brace, and used an electronic bone stimulator. All the "good thoughts" in the world didn't do a damn thing to speed up the healing process.

And, even after the bone was strong enough for me to get back on the bike, it still ached like Hell for a couple of years.

Deep hurts, long recoveries.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that was perfect morwood. thanks


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 918 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I work from home too and I think the isolation makes this all much worse. Granted, my kids are home, but it's the being removed from the "real world" that allows me to spend every moment obsessing. Not healthy.

I agree with the suggestion on simple changes -- I do like taking the laptop out of my office and sitting on the patio to work.

Friends this weekend suggested going to a coffee shop to work. I will try that. Anything to get out of this house and out of my head. It's sad when a trip to the grocery store makes me feel human again... Ugh.

I've considered trying the rubber band wrist-snapping strategy to stop the obsesssing so I can concentrate, but I fear my wrist would just end up swollen and purple and I wouldn't have improved my concentration one bit.

Wishing you peace....


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Jwayne10
♂ New Member
Member # 40286
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was seriously depressed for two years. Just buried myself into my kids. Gave up all my hobbies and friends, it was bad. Just keep pushing forward, it gets better. My WW actually pulled me out of my depression by the changes she made and effort she put back into our marriage.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2013
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, working from home doesn't help at all. When I do work outside or visit clients I feel so much better. Of course after crying in the car. huh!

Deep hurts, long recoveries.


Very true!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still feel depressed at this time too. 1st dday was 10/21/12, I think it has taken so long for h to start doing any work is why I am still here.

I was actually better before he came back, better able to focus on me and on work.

He is alot of work to be around.

I don't work from home but still have so much trouble focusing. Like right now, I should be working on a quote not reading on SI.

I used to be so motivated, dependable, now, I just don't care. Nothing seems important. I just don't seem to be comfortable wherever I am.

time???


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1361 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H and I talked about this very issue last night right after finishing a discussion about our last dual trigger. We both are so tired of not feeling like life is easy. That every minute is a test of patients, nerves and for lack of a better term really damn hard work. We both would love to achieve some normality feelings, even if it was just for a day or two. I guess that shows me how much effort we are putting into this, which is a positive thing.

I try and take the dog for more walks on bad days. nature really helps me refocus my inner energy. And for those days that my mind wants to ramrod all the hard work we have done I resort to getting out my jigsaw puzzles. Focusing on them frees my mind and gives it a break. I also feel like I have accomplished something, even if that something is as small as a puzzle.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, I too would love a couple days of just feeling GOOD!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm one year out from first DDay and still feeling it almost all the time. It somehow manages to stay in the back of my mind no matter where we are, no matter what we are doing, it's there.

I'm much worse coming home from work, because it was walking in from work at 11:30 pm that the shoe dropped (he told me about EA/PA). Every time I walk in the door from work, I'm still waiting for that other shoe. No matter how good things seem to be.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 219 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 17

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